Am I being a control freak or is this a perfectly list of things dh could do to help me out perfectly reasonable?

[MinkyBorage]

1)Clean the sink after your morning shave using the cleaning spray and cloth under the sink and ensuring that you have rinsed off all the cleaner and turned the spray nozzle to OFF afterwards
2)Wipe any spills off the toilet seat after use
3) Put the bread away after having breakfast and wipe and put away the chopping board
4) Leave used mugs and cups in the kitchen
5) Ensure that you bike is never left in the hall during the day
6) Tell me what time you need to leave home in the morning half an hour before leaving
7) Ensure that the non slip mat is removed from the bath before you shower
8) Give the bath a quick rinse out after you shower
9) Put your laundry in to the correct laundry basket
10) Empty the bin when it is full, put the full bag in to the wheelie bin and put a clean bag back in the bin
11) Empty the recycling bin when it is full and put the contents directly in to a green bin outside, not the wheelie bin.
12) If there are items on the floor next to the recycle bin, please could you put them outide in the green bins, not the wheelie bin
13) If your orange trug (clean laundry basket) is left on the stairs with your clean clothes in it, please could you take it upstairs and empty it as soon as possible, and leave the empty trug under our bed.

Only do this if you are prepared to get a list back yourself!

If DH presented me with a list like this I would tear it up in his face. UBERcontrolling and quite frankly insulting.

That said - I have had to work quite hard with DH to get him to do most of the things on your list. But have done it like an adult by treating him like an adult and talking to him, asking him directly and reminding him when he forgets.

People live in different ways and have different standards of whats acceptable. Just because his 'standards' don't match yours doesn't make you right. I have learnt from my DH not to be such a prissy ass (I have borderline OCD) and thats its OK to leave pots in the sink overnight sometimes, that the house doesn't HAVE to the hoovered every day. Ultimatly we're a happier house as I can spend time with the kids and him instead of cleaning, clearing and putting away every waking hour.

Dh must have been ill last night - because he left the dishes, and I left them too so I could take ds outside for a cycle (not often it is not windy here at 6.30pm). I did them later but normally he would have been sighing and doing them.

The giving of a list is just too much, sorry.

IMO if you do all the things above than is perfectly reasonable to ask him to do equally so that you do not clean after him as if he's a child.
having said that I myself don't do half of the things in question when I should as it's me that has to tidy up after me anyway and would do none if I could get away with so I could never ask dh. shame really as we would live in a much tidier and pleasant house by doing just a mini bit more.

If these are the only jobs your husband does around the house, he is on to a winner! Presumably you are not thinking of presenting them to him as an actual list, but with that as a given, he is surely getting off lightly in the grand scheme of household responsibilities? Not sure how anyone can actually think these requests are unreasonable...

First off all I though OH GOD WHAT A CHORE TO READ. But .. some people need the bleedin' obvious stated.

However I think Allez approach would probably work better for most blokes, ie he probably doesn't have your standards but if you want a couple of things done, for sure, then state it clearly and simply.

I've just read ladybees post with the heading 'whiskers' - really made me larf (just come in from a rare night out) sounds so...quaint! You must keep it in!

List won't work.

I agree that it would be easier to give him little jobs.

Always start with the bins as even my lazy DP does that one
Oh and tell him your fed up of sitting on piss and if he doesn't wipe the seat after he's uses it, you're gonna stop (something he likes) Grr Dp does this too (apparently its cos the seat won't stay up but it will)

With the laundry I wouldn't expect my DP to put it away but I'd expect him to (and have shouted at him NUMEROUS TIMES) to take it upstairs for me.
9 - Correct basket? I'm lucky if it goes in any basket

Bath mats are for showering on aren't they?

3 & 4 - dont bother, just tell him not to leave them in the living room/bedroom etc.

1 - I prefer DP to do this but I know he wont and seeing as I clean the bathroom once a week and use the sink myself every day I do it - HOWEVER, I dont work, if I did I'd expect him to do it.

Ok I'm tired and I've gone on and on, Good luck!

P.S - Didn't read all the replies sorry

In my household dh is the one who does the cleaning (well pretty much everything) as I am the lazy (go to work) one. If he gave me a list like that I would be extremely upset and angry. I wouldn't dream of giving him a list. So what if the loo sometimes has a splash or two - what's loo paper for? He really doesn't notice, because it's not relevant to him, and it's no biggie for me (I do have a ds as well, but he sits). I do find the stubble in the sink irritating.

Some of the other stuff is more to do with the way you have organised things, like "correct" laundry baskets, and removing non-slip mats, and rising the bath after showers (why not before the bath?). Unless you have agreed together that that is the best way to do things, I don't think it unreasonable if he forgets.

I can see if the rubbish/recycling is his job he should do it better, so fine to nag about that one!

I really don't understand why he needs to give you a 30 minutes run down to departure. That's very control freaky to me.

But I have an eight and a nine year old and go to work all day, so probably not in a good position to talk!

"Husband, I am feeling a bit put upon and it would be enormously helpful to me if you were to clean up your own mess a little more as you go about the house. There are a few specific things I have in mind. Would it be helpful to you if I wrote them down?"

"Yes Wife, a list would help me to know what you're talking about"

Or...

"No Wife, I would find a list patronising and it would not encourage me to help out"

"Okay Husband, I understand. How would you prefer me to communicate these issues to you so that we arrive at a mutually agreeable compromise whereby you are pulling your weight and I am not cast in the role of nagging harridan?"

Lawks am in the market for a new moniker on here and nagging harridan has gone straight to the top of my list.

Go for it gks .

(Although I do like your current moniker.)

I've decided to just forget it, felt a bit bollocked earlier on in thread like I was a control freak (seeemilyplay! ) so decided to step away from the thread. I'm honestly not a control freak, but DH is spectacularly hopeless at domestic and practical things, and it is a battle trying to get him to do the most basic things. The list looked control freaky because he needs to be told things in minute detail, not that I would expect him to do it like that, there'd be no chance, but if I've told him, then one day it may sink in. He just does things in such a hurry, and doesn't really notice things which I find obvious. It's not like my standards are very high though, so he does get off wuite lightly. The point was that I was trying to find some things which would be easy for him to do then and there, rather than extra jobs to do about the house. I am fighting a losing battle with most of the things, for example, the laundry is never going to get put in to the correct basket.

Also I worked out why the sink whiskers have suddenly become such a probem.....I've been doing the oil face care thing in the evenings and not washing the sink out properly, his whiskers are sticking to the oil in the morning !

Anyway, life is simpler if I just do it myself... and I completely agree about the list. Thanks for replies.

I think this list is actually very funny but to be honest I think you missed off the instructions for him to breathe pmsl

Oh, I thought this thread would be full of people saying "YANBU, my DP is just like that".

OP - Are you married to my DP?

Here's the thing OP, I suspect you're one of these: Completer finishers, he's not. So he's not going to pay attention to detail in the way that you do.

It's not coincidence in my view as a fellow CF that the initials are the same as control freak.

My dh is the same as yours - he actually works very hard and helps loads around the house - but he'll still do things like put out the rubbish and not replace the bin bag.

We both work ft and have a cleaner for about 4 hours a week. She's not a CF either - so, for instance, she cleaned the kitchen last week but left a couple of unwashed cups in the the sink while finishing half an hour early (and leaving the spare money - she is extremely honest). I would never do that, I'd have to finish the job more thoroughly.

Take it from me, you can do so much but you'll never get someone who doesn't have the same attention to detail as yourself to develop it, and you have to live with some of the exasperating results of that.

So, definitely don't give him a list; work out your priorities and tackle them with him slowly. He'll need reminding, he'll 'forget' things you've asked him, but keep reinforcing and rewarding before moving subtly on to the next thing you want him to change. Incredibly patronising and harder than training a dog, but that's life. Good luck!