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Original poster

If you've been with dp/dh for a few years - are you still physically attaracted/having sex?

64 replies

powerpoints · 07/03/2009 16:24

That's all i'm wondering really. Does the initial attraction last and how importnat do you think it is to feel some sexual desire for your other half?

OP posts:
ABetaDad · 07/03/2009 16:26

Yes - but it changes with time.

Erm...obviously I am talking form the other side of the equation.

sep1712 · 07/03/2009 16:28

I agree with abeta dad

noavailablename · 07/03/2009 16:28

Married for 25 years, together for 30, still brilliant. [smug emoticon]

TheThoughtPolice · 07/03/2009 16:29

Been together 8yrs

Both of us have changed physically (each carrying extra weight, i'm a bit more haggard looing, he's a bit more bald), but the answer to your question is yes I am still sexually attracted to him. As ABD says, it has changed from the mad sort of 'knickers off NOW' lust but it is not a change for the worst.

Rhubarb · 07/03/2009 16:29

It's not really lust anymore. More of a 'love' feeling. He can look very dashing when he makes an effort - he has a kind of Guy Ritchie look to him, only better. But there are things he does that can really really turn me off!

Original poster
powerpoints · 07/03/2009 16:30

such as ??!!

OP posts:
paolosgirl · 07/03/2009 16:31

I think it's important, but it's not happening very often here atm. We are completely knackered with 3 kids, long commutes and hectic jobs. We remain optimistic though

Hulababy · 07/03/2009 16:31

Been with DH for 19 years now.

Yes, it changes - but things gets better and better every eyar

Original poster
powerpoints · 07/03/2009 16:32

Not actually sure i fancy my dp, haven't for a few yrs i don;t think. he once did something which contributed big time to turning me off him

OP posts:
Original poster
powerpoints · 07/03/2009 16:33

lucky you hula

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 07/03/2009 16:35

You can go through periods like that powerpoint, not sure what your dp did, but I've gone through phases of not fancying him at all. More my problem than his though. You need to work at a relationship. Obv nothing is going to be as fresh and exciting as those first dates, but you can rekindle that fire. Start by going through old photos and chat with him about old memories you both share. That'll make you feel closer to him.
Go out on a 'date', help him to choose what to wear.
Start doing little things for each other, like making a cup of tea etc, little acts of kindess often make you feel closer to a person too.

VinoEsmeralda · 07/03/2009 16:35

Agree with ABD/Rhubarb but there are times I would like to drag him up the stairs and have my wicked way with him, he usually doesnt need dragging .

re frequency, I'd say we do it 1-3 times a week as opposed to every day or twice a day even.

been together over 10 years

Original poster
powerpoints · 07/03/2009 16:39

Think we're past that rhubarb , but thanks for the suggestion . what he did was sooo revolting - hygiene thing, urghh sorry if tmi!!

OP posts:
paolosgirl · 07/03/2009 16:40

1-3 times a week??!

Rhubarb · 07/03/2009 16:42

Well perhaps he's turned over a new leaf? My dh has psoriasis which can be really horrible. It means his skin sheds and bleeds. Not his fault but there are times it turns my stomach.

Everyone has done something horrid that would turn our partners off if they knew I'm sure. It depends on whether your dp knew it was gross and is sorry or whether he is not arsed. If it's the latter then yes, I'd question the sexual dynamics too.

ABetaDad · 07/03/2009 17:03

Agree with Rhubarb

VinoEsmeralda - if you can keep that pace up then I would say that you have NOTHING to worry about.

solidgoldbrass · 07/03/2009 17:04

Oh go onnnnnnn, what did he do? Poo on your leg in the night?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 07/03/2009 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

noddyholder · 07/03/2009 17:22

We have been together 18 years and it has definitely improved with age and we are much more into each other physically as time goes on.

candyfluff · 07/03/2009 18:09

been married 11 yrs and virtually no sex life
dont know if it bothers him or not have no idea if he still fancies me

bigTillyMint · 07/03/2009 18:11

Yes we are - I find his body really sexy

But less frequently, and not as spontaneous as before children.

Much more frequent and spontaneous when we are on hol on our own (not very often!)

VanillaPumpkin · 07/03/2009 18:18

I have been with my DH over 10 years now. We def still fancy each other and he is always grabbing me, usually at inconvenient moments .
We had a lot less sex when the children were babies due to a mix of tiredness, me wanting my body for me and occasional resentments and misunderstandings.
The dd's are 6 and 3 now and things are much better. I also changed my contraception and that really helped too.
So yes things are good, and I think will get better, but there was definitely a drought in the middle. We always talked about it though.

MrsTittleMouse · 07/03/2009 18:25

Together nearly 12 years and I can answer yes and yes to your questions. We have had a dreadful dry spell over the last few years due to two grim pregnancies and a butcher of an OB () but are getting back into the swing again now. I always fancied him though, even when I wasn't physically capable of doing much about it. And we still do have mad knickers-off moments, just not as many as when we first met (due to lack of sleep, partly, I think).

Tortington · 07/03/2009 18:26

v. important to feel sexual desire imo - been married 20 years and fuck like rabbits

ABetaDad · 07/03/2009 18:47

candyfluff - that sounds awfully sad.

If you talk to your DH about it you may get a nice surprise. Does it bother you? Do you fancy him?

Not wishing to pry.