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Original poster

If you've been with dp/dh for a few years - are you still physically attaracted/having sex?

64 replies

powerpoints · 07/03/2009 16:24

That's all i'm wondering really. Does the initial attraction last and how importnat do you think it is to feel some sexual desire for your other half?

OP posts:
Original poster
powerpoints · 07/03/2009 19:29

Ok, you asked! Don't read any further if easily disgusted tho! A few yrs ago on hols he got a stomach upset. went out for dinner in eve when he thought he was better. next monring i find a pair on shitty pants(and i meand really shitty , urrghh) in the dirty washing bag. i asked him what was going on.he basically said he poohed himself on the way to the restaurant and "didn't want to to spoil the evening" so sat there in the restaurant all evening like that. Then just dumped his filthy pants on the floor, that's actually the worst bit. No attempt to then hide it - god it makes me cringe to type this. Also somethiem find a pooh mark on the bed, or more frequently in his pants. God thats revolting

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 07/03/2009 19:31

Yep I guess that's not a turn-on

Has he got a bowel problem?

MrsSeanBean · 07/03/2009 19:32

Love, affection and trust is more important than sexual desire IMO. Always has been for me, always will be. Maybe I am just not that sexual a person.

Original poster
powerpoints · 07/03/2009 19:33

No no bowel problem. Just doesn't wipe himself very well afterwards - urrggh

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 07/03/2009 19:35

OMG! Doesn't wipe himself very well

COuld you by him some of those kandoos things for toddlers?

Original poster
powerpoints · 07/03/2009 19:36

have bought some of that moist loo roll but don;t think he used it. Vile isn't it

OP posts:
veryembarrassedmummy · 07/03/2009 19:41

Mrs seanbean- have you never felt that you fancied the pants off a man and just wanted him to have you NOW??

I only ask because I am thinking of divorcing because although my DH is kind, loving and decent, I no longer desire him. It matters to me, as much as all the other cerebral stuff.

mistlethrush · 07/03/2009 19:49

Getting back to the subject - 12 years - currently have sod all sex life - I think that is due to 2 not great mc, one of which had 3 months follow-up of complete paranoia that mp was returning - so I think dh is put off sex at significant parts of the month as he doesn't want to have the chance that that would happen again.... Mind you, its him that's not participating, I would be quite happy to

veryembarrassedmummy · 07/03/2009 19:56

Are you saying that he is frightened you will become prgnant? sorry- didn't understand all the abbreviations.

If so, what kind of contraception do you use- sorry if i am barking up wrong tree.

CompareTheMeerkat · 07/03/2009 20:01

Been married nearly 10 years, together 14 years.

Not having much sex at the moment - it is to do with me. I don't feel like it much - I don't think it is DH, just that I don't seem to have much of an urge any more.

MrsSeanBean · 07/03/2009 20:17

VEM - maybe. Although I wouldn't have wanted to live with him. If you can achieve both (companionship and desire) then you are very lucky IMO.

GossipMonger · 07/03/2009 20:21

ooh yeah!

our sex life is better than ever and so much ruder!

Febes · 07/03/2009 20:28

DH and I have been together 7 years and married 6. We have a 15 and a half month old DD and I'm 31 weeks PG. I have been quite keen throughout this pregnancy but he hasn't seemend to have wanted it. I have asked about it but we have never got to the bottom of it. I hope we can get back into the swing after LO is born. We are very happy though and affectionate.

gingertoo · 07/03/2009 20:29

I still find him very attractive. Sex is not as spontaneous or passionate as it used to be (we've been together 10 years) and not as often (twice a week now - more because of being knackered - 3 kids - than not wanting to) but it's good.......

jenk1 · 07/03/2009 20:36

errrrrrrrrm, well i DO find him extremely attractive and sexy sometimes and other times i look at him and feel YUK

but thats usually if hes being an arse.

been married nearly 9 years so we arent at it all the time like at first,plus we have 2 DC who are ASD and we are continually tired out,but when we do its good and i always think quality over quantity!!!

feedthegoat · 07/03/2009 20:46

We've been together 16 years and married for 7 years and apart from a dip after ds was born (which was down to me) everything is just fine! I guess the only obvious change with age is the no more than once a night thing

mistlethrush · 07/03/2009 20:51

Sorry - answering question rather a long time ago - yes, I think he's frightened, which isn't surprising, given the impact the mp (molar pregnancy) had last time - mc was followed by 3 months bleeding on and off, then another erpc, then two weeks of hoping things were OK before 11 days in hospital, with chemo started - first course of 9 - with last falling on edd... During which time I went from a fit, healthy 30 something, to someone who would only be able to get round the park every other weekend....

Not using any contraception at the moment - as we're not having sex, don't really see the point. And as it took 6 ys getting to have ds (inc the mp) and the 2 mc since then were over 18momths with actively trying, I reakon that the rythym method would work quite well for us...

However, despite lack of sex (which I'm not particularly happy about) I still can't imagine leaving him - I am still very much in love with him.

mistlethrush · 07/03/2009 20:54

Sorry, didn't want to hijack - it just sort of comes out sometimes

sayithowitis · 07/03/2009 21:24

Like noavailablename says, same length of time together and married. Slight blip a while back resulted in no sex for several years ( mainly health reasons, no affair or the like) but the attraction was always there and things are now actually even better than before as kids are older and not often around so very often we make a choice 'dinner or sex'. guess what wins!

Original poster
powerpoints · 07/03/2009 22:07

Does anyone else think what my dp did waould be a complete turn off?!!

OP posts:
girlandboy · 07/03/2009 22:24

powerpoints - yes it is horrible!

What did he say regarding the pants on the floor? I wouldn't have even picked them up. I would also leave his current pants with skidmarks on, inside out and displayed for him to see. He must have some explanation for his lack of care in the botty area.

BTW - together with dh for 22 years now. At it like bunnies until the dc's came along. Getting back into our stride again, though dh's job means he is on call 24/7 so bedtime rumpy-pumpy often has to be put off.

paolosgirl · 07/03/2009 22:45

Yes, that would turn me off completely. Once they do something like that it's hard to feel like having sex with them - I'd still be imagining the poo pants!

Fizzylemonade · 07/03/2009 22:48

Yes powerpoints, that would be a deal breaker for me my 5 yr old can wipe his bottom clean. The thoughts of finding skid marks in the bed is awful.

Re my own dh we have been together 13 years and I still lust after him

We have inappropriate groping and have been caught out a few times by quiet footed 5yr old ds1, luckily he hasn't known exactly what we were doing

He still gives me butterflies and there is lots of affection, kissing, cuddling, just general closeness.

LurkerOfTheUniverse · 07/03/2009 23:00

powerpoints

did he not stink? sat in the restaurant?

ABetaDad · 08/03/2009 08:34

This is way TMI.

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