DH is driving me mad

[Geetar]

My problems with DH are just ongoing and I'm getting to the point where I just want to walk out. I really can't take the atmosphere, the snappyness and childishness anymore.

This morning he blew up over something so silly. At about 7.15am the neighbour knocked on the door. DH said we were not to answer it and the "fucking neighbours" should know not to knock at a ridiculous time.

He knocked twice and then left.

15 minutes later the post man knocked with a parcel. DH shouted "fuck off" at the top of his voice. Much giggling from the kids.

Postman stormed off down the garden path and left the parcel with the neighbour. Needless to say, 5 minutes later neighbour came back and knocked on the door. I had to physically hold DH back, he was going nuts.

At 7.45am the electric meter man knocked at DH just lost it, ran to the bedroom window and started shouting out of it that he was sick of people knocked on the 'fucking door' and was it really too much to ask to be left alone etc. The electric man shouts up "I've only come to read your meter" so DH tells him to "fuck right off" before he "twatted him". The electric man shouted "moron" at him and started walking away and DH started shouting after him "You fucking turd, I'll knock your fucking mushtasche off your face you c"

Electric man sticks two fingers up to him. At this point another neighbour shouts across "Do you mind! I have kids here, I don't want them hearing the local nutter shouting and swearing at 8 in a morning"

This prompted DH to start ranting at her about her "fucking feral kids" and that if their ball ends up in our garden one more time he'd rip it to shreds and feed it to them etc. She said she was reporting us.

DH is now blaming the entire thing on me. Apparantly we have to move as the area is full of "fuckwits" and he 'can't be doing with it anymore' etc etc

I don't think he realises how close he is to having to find a bedsit of his own anyway. I'm just fed up of everything.

He sounds charming!

Oh poor you
I don't know what to say it depends if he will be ok later and if it happens a lot.
It doesn't sound a barrel of laughs for you tho.
Also will he listen to you and be sorry cos if not you're putting up with a lot.

I'm sorry, I wouldn't be putting up with that personally. He sounds very aggressive and angry a lot. Does he swear like that at you or the DCs?

After you other posts about him I don't know how you're staying sane

Not always, it seems to have come on in the past year or so. He's always had a temper but he never used to let it go so quickly and act so aggressively. I dread to think what would have happened if I'd left the keys in the front door so he could get out to them.

I feel worse about the neighbour as his wife is in hospital and he's a lovely bloke. DH used to chat to him all the time but suddenly turned against him for "constantly" knocking on the door.

He won't listen to me, he'll just go in a huge strop for the rest of the day before trying to talk me around later.

eg ... "You do see why I got so angry this morning though, don't you?" etc

Jeesus.

from the sound of it he needs psychiatric assessment and fast.

Please see your GP, you'll need help with this, it's insane behaviour and nobody should have to put up with it - especially your children xx

I echo what reality said. That's not normal at all. What job does he do?

what is the laundry thing?

was it him with the laundry thing too?

at best he's unreasonable, but i'm with the others - he's seriously angry about something.

Is this new behaviour or has he always been like this?

When you said last year my first thought was something medical too. How do you get a man like that to go and get checked out though

Is he taking drugs ie Cocaine?

I agree, he should see a doctor, this sounds serious. Does he think there is a problem with his behaviour? It would scare me; how confident are you that his verbal aggression will not turn into physical lashing-up (then of course also your fault...).

I'd seek help.

He can't back down and admit he is wrong. He has to constantly prove that his behaviour was justified and get you to agree with him. I'd be well scared of someone who acted like that.

People knock your door, that is life, it's normal. He is the one who is not being normal. Personally I wouldn't agree with him when he says "you do see why I got so angry don't you?". I'd say "actually no, I don't and I am afraid that our children are going to learn that coping with every day life is to fly off the handle at the smallest of things". I'd also take a big emotional distance from him, for you to act in a very dignified way that lets him know you you are in no way agreeable to his behaviour.

I mean, if that's how he acts when someone knocks the door, how on earth does he deal with real problems in life? Can you talk to him and will he listen to you? Or is it more important for him to get you to see how right he is?

These two threads do not paint a pretty picture at all of your DH, but I think you must know that.

You have 4 boys, what sort of example is your DH setting them? If they start behaving in the same way as him, at best they will be excluded from school.

Only you can make a drastic decision on the future of your relationship, but for your children's sake, if not your own, you need to SOMETHING. Relate? Anger management? Has your DH had mental health isues at all? This behaviour is not normal and your family should be a part of it.

OMG, this coupled with the laundry shows that your dh has some issues that definately need addressing. Would he consider anger management? The way he is behaving is not fair on you or your children, and it can't continue.

I am horrified by what I've read. You poor thing. The tension must be unbearable.

It does sound as though his recent change in behaviour should be checked out by a GP though, just in case it has a medical cause.

But, and it is a very big but, do remember it is not your responsibility to keep him happy or calm. It is his. What I'm trying to say is his anger issues are not your responsibility.

I agree with HolyG, normalising his behaviour in any way is dangerous. His anger is not even a tiny bit normal. And you owe it to yourself and definitely to your children to not accept it as that.

I for one couldn't live with a man with such extreme anger and couldn't let children either.

he sounds exactly like my grandfather and uncle... family history of extreme levels of blood pressure leading to strokes. He really sounds like he might've had a minor stroke some time in the last year.

When he is trying to talk you round is there any way you could say to him that his anger is very much over the top and you would like him (1) to stop it (2) to see a doctor about it or (3) to go to a bedsit and sort himself out for a few months?

Geetar - if you've had to physically hold him back from attacking people, then you should ask your GP to make an assessment, possibly in conjunction with a mental-health nurse. If your neighbour does report him to the police - good. This man needs to be seen, possibly sectioned.

At best he's ruining your relationship with your neighbours and setting a terrible example to your children, at worst he's a danger to you and the people around you.

Please phone your GP, or go and visit him/her, and describe this behavioural change - as soon as you can.

he sounds like a twat of the highest proportions.

You poor thing I read the laundry one as well, and I really feel for you. To have to walk on eggshells like that is just crap. You need to do something, for you and your kids.

?My problems with DH are just ongoing and I'm getting to the point where I just want to walk out. I really can't take the atmosphere, the snappyness and childishness anymore.?

Right-e-o. I don?t think I need to go any further than this really. You posted another topic about having a massive row over a small thing. You didn?t respond and now you?re back with another post giving more examples.

What do YOU really want to happen?
Are you just typing about everything your DH does to upset you on mumsnet as a form of release?
Do you want to justify how you feel by getting other strangers/ mn?s who will side with you?
Or do you actually want advice on how you take this forward progressively whether that?s separating or sorting it out?

You have options;
Stay and live with it
Stay and try once more to work it out. If it?s not successful then leave or ask him to leave
Or just leave
Or just ask him to leave