checked pc history and husband to be registered with online dating/sex site...

[bloodyidiot]

Am a regular who has namechanged.

I feel sick. went away on saturday for one night. came yesturday and DP has gone away till thursday with work and has left his laptop (is a boozy work jolly abroad so didnt need it)

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to do this but I am glad I did. He registered with some online sex website where you flirt and potentially meet women. From what I can see he has only been in twice and hasn't 'chatted' with anyone but still...its fucking awful isn't it.

We are supposed to be getting married in less than 3 months and we have a nearly 4 year old together I sent him a text saying 'darling i think maybe we should have a chat when you get back from I... about why you have registered with an online sex website'

he is obviously horrified and has been calling and texting how sorry he is and he was bored and its nothing and he loves me blah blah blah

I just feel sick. Also it just seems so seedy. I thought he was better than that. Oh and the funniest fucking thing is that he has put his age as 31 not 35!!! vain twat

advice please lovely ladies?

I would be really annoyed

But it is possible he was just really bored one evening and was just having a look out of interest? messing about etc

Not saying it was right, obviously you know him.... you need to sit down and talk about it properly

oh i know. but he works 75 hours a week (owns restaurants)so any time we have together should be precious. On thursday he was off and basically created a row so i would go to bed and leave him trawl women on the internet

loser

Dont treat him too badly. Have you never flirted with some one? It may be like a horror movie, he wouldnt cut some ones head off but he may watch an actor doing it on a movie.

for you.

hopefully it was just a nosey bordom thing.

I know how you feel though, dh has done the same, putting down that he is single or divorced on many sites and over a long period of time. and stating chat may lead to a meet up.

the thing with dh though is when i have told him to come off these sites.. a couple on months later he is back on.

So I hoping for you that he has ballsed up and will not do it again.

But I understand the hurt about spending precious time doing this instead of being with you.

have a talk to him. and good luck!

dont treat him too badly? um actually i think he has treated me pretty badly hornsea so am entitled to be a bit upset. Interestingly when i am bored i mumsnet or do a load of washing not friggin looking at porn or registering with sex websites

BCNS thanks for your advice-it so weird isnt it. He reckons that the second time he went in was to de-register as had loads of emails to his hotmail and realised it was weird.

i just feel a little low

You do need to talk about this face to face, he needs to explain the extent of his involvement with these sites. Hopefully it was just a blip/curiousity.

FWIW I would be fuming and disgusted, so can totally understand your anger.

for you. Does he have his laptop at work too?

What are you planning to do?

i dont know, i think we have ahad a tough few months, opening new business, i had a miscarriage in jan (so he registered on this site when i was pregnant it seems), getting married in 3 months etc etc. Also have what they think is a big cyst in my ovary which ihave got to go to the hospital about tomorrow, so all in all lots of shit going on!

i think its his way of dealing with it but still what a vain idiot.

need to sit down and talk to him when he gets back from italy.

i just think it' so seedy.unlike him really

If he was bored - then why didn't he just look at porn? Looking at porn for some is not on but at least it is a one person persuit, look and do whatever and that be that.

To register on a dating site/sex site is different IMO and I would advice you to think very carefully about what you do next. Do you turn a blind eye and just get on with the wedding etc for the sake of your 4 year old and hope that he will not do it again (thing is there are plenty of messages on here where it is the second and third time they have been caught) or do you cut your losses and get out?

Thing is there is no right or wrong or easy or hard way to deal with this. Either you accept that this is the type of thing he will do from time to time or if you dont accept it then get out now.

I am sorry you are so upset, bi. You have got every right to be
and I seriously hope he will continue saying and doing the right things.

I don't think this is any kind of consolation but from what I have observed
these sites are being pushed very hard all over the web,
particularly on laddish websites and forums.
There must be quite a bit of money in it.

And to be honest even I thought about registering once..
for research purposes only, of course!!

No, honestly, they make wild claims about pretty girls
in 'your neighbourhood' being available for no-strings sex
and I am curious how the scam works - for I am pretty sure
it is a scam.

Anyway, give him a piece of your mind
but don't let this nonsense get in the way of your partnership.

my twat did this too.

Many of these sites are basically looking to make money out of men by means of text-message exchanges, or phone sex, with no meetings ever actually involved (the harder the site pushes the idea of Real Women Real No Strings Sex the more likely it is that the site is selling 'fantasy' ie webcam chat, phone cat etc).
Now, where the boundaries are in your relationship is something for you and him to sort out, but there is a difference between text/phone chat via these sites and actually arranging to meet a woman.

i think he was looking at porn as well which i dont have that much issue with. He said he has only been on twice, once when he registered (i think like you said daddyj that he accesed the site through a link from a porn site) and the other night when he said he went into it to de-register (bollocks)

we have been together for 11 years and have a good sex life but we do have a turbulent relationship.

However i did think we were ever so much in love.

Silly man

thanks for all your comments x

couldn't get past this personally and am always shocked on such threads how much understanding there is towards partners who join online sex/dating websites. it's not like he was casually perusing- he actually registered.

it's not the same as your basic common garden porn really is it?

have to agree with solid.. these things are very different.. like I say hopefully he was having a nosey.

DH in my case was ( could still be) on dating sites.. actually sorting out meet ups etc..

exactly blinks- the thing is it is so intentional. i dont mind him looking at porn that much (he doesnt very often to be honest)

this sounds ridiculous but i could forgive perhaps a random snog on a night out but this feels different, sordid and...intentional.

He says he would never cheat or risk our relationship and he is devastated etc

am i being silly by getting so upset?

how does that make you feel BCNS?

not at all IMO.. but have a chat with him.. might not be as bad as your thinking < fingers crossed>

And mine
While i was PG too
And went to meet one of them after engineering an argument while i was six months PG and he left me for 2 weeks
Fucking men. They don't let go of you unless they're swinging from another branch do they
I found out after one of them emailed me on facebook hence the reason i think FB is evil lol
I don't know if he still does it, i chose to forgive him so i have to trust him but i was brokenhearted when i found out..at 8 months PG .. i felt bereaved, humiliated, angry. And that i could never look at him in the same way again.

Consolation prize was that the woman he went to see wouldn't sleep with him because (he has skanky breath) he was a smoker... non consolation prize was that he bleats on and on about giving up smoking and it rubs my nose in it because he gave up smoking the weekend he went to see HER
I can't say dump him but he now has to be very very open and honest with you.

She sent me messages for a long time after, trying to wind me up and said they chatted via im as well and he masturbated on cam in front of her, that when he came to see her she gave him oral sex and then he tried to kiss her and his breath smelt so she pushed him away.
As silly as it sounds i am also gutted that he sent her a rose as an online 'gift' and also apparently told her he was in love with her..she sent me the entire conversations they had via email and i torture myself reading them even though i know i shouldn't.
I wonder what it was i did wrong and if it will happen again. I wonder, if he will always be looking.

I think our relationship has been damaged beyond repair.
I can never forgive him, not just for cheating, but the fact he treated me like shit and dumped me to ease his own guilt. And that she was one of many he was emailing. He continued until i caught him out not with her but with others.

You know what? I actually had a go at her for slagging him off as well. I felt 'he is my bloke, she is saying horrible things..i need to protect him.' How stupid do i feel saying that ffs.
Cos i had a go at her i think is why she turned nasty 'He sent me a rose and i'm going to leave it on my profile as a permanent reminder that your bloke wanted me more than you'

I am so sorry....i have hijacked your thread

IMO you should dump him and not end up like me, wondering all the time, worrying. You deserve better.

I wonder if he thought he was registering for fantasy/chat and then started getting emails from people who actually wanted to meet, and stopped it there. Again, some people don't like their partners using chatlines because they think it will lead to actual physical infidelity:TBH this is extremely unlikely (I am a chatline worker) s the chatline ops do not want any involvement with the callers other than on the phone, for which we are getting paid.

i think he had no intention of meeting anyone and when he realised that this is what happens he backed off it. He also would have had to have paid to email women and he is such a tight fucker he didnt upgrade his 'account'

SA you poor love-he sounds like an absolute arse.

why are you still with him?

ahh this happened to me too- I found a secret email account and found he had posted pics of himself up even on a forum! We had a huge barny about it after I had DS1 and he promised he'd never do it again...and guess what... last year while I was PG he was on adultchat.com and adultfriendfinder.com!!! All this built up and he finally he left me when DS2 was 5 weeks old. I never saw it coming tho the signs were there. I never believed he could do such a thing. He said it was innocent fun and it was a massive bone of contention between us.

Id say think very bloody carefully what to do next. For me the warning signs were all there but I chose to try and work it out and forgive him - DS1 was only 2 weeks old when I first found out)

In retrospect i'm much happier now but still can't believe he could do that to me/us.

Sorry for hijack but do treat seriously- its a warning sign for you to take on board his attitude towards you and your DC'S.

Well today we had a silly row and he says he is leaving

He always says that

This time i am packing his stuff so he might just get the hint i don't care any more

I'm sorry about the hijack really i am but you sound like me months ago..i posted a Q on answerbag.. i was desperate to forgive and move on so i did, i had forgiven him for slightly less but the same sort of thing before.. so i did forgive.

Now IMO i wish i hadn't wasted my time. He has never been truly sorry. He emailed her to say he had a nice weekend..AFTER he got back with me
I don't know..i don't think he still does it. I asked what it was i had done wrong..nothing, he said..why are you looking for another woman, i asked, i don't know, i'm a cunt, give me a chance and i'll never do it again, he said.
Why, having been hurt and cheated on yourself, would you do that to me..i have never done you wrong, i said.
I don't know, was his reply.

I know why. Its not me, its not his kids, its not as if he wants a new woman because its the same as getting a new car.. its because he doesn't have any self esteem, self respect. To boost his esteem he needs women to tell him he is attractive. Me doing it isn't enough. He has me, of course i adore him. Obviously i'm not enough.

You don't want to feel how i do every day. Wondering why.
Feeling inadequate and crap.
Wondering if he is still looking.
Wondering what is happening every time they go on the computer.

If i am bored..before MN, i take the dog for a walk, or go shopping, or go to a friends. Now i have the baby, if i'm bored I go on MN lol.
As we work at the same place, i started my mat leave early so i didn't have to torture myself looking at the father of my baby who shit on me. I tried not to think about the money he spent taking her out that weekend, the money spent on fuel to go and see her, the fact he refused to speak to me until he realised the grass wasn't greener, the hideous way he treated me, the crying myself to sleep every night, the holding of my tummy when his baby was moving inside me, and the hoping that i would not hate my baby for being part of him. The fact he refused to go shopping with me for things for the baby because he was seeing her. (Although i didn't know this at the time)
The hurt.
The utter humiliation.
The pain.

You don't want to be me.
He has done it once, IMO he will do it again and it will get worse..sorry..but thats my opinion. He wouldn't have just done it out of boredom IME..what the fuck was wrong with going on ebay or something if he was THAT bored. Kick him to the kerb like i wish i had had the strength to do.
OBV this advice is tongue in cheek, i cannot tell you what to do having not done it myself but its my advice, from someone who has been through it.

Stercus, which site was it?

The fall-out from these sites is much more serious than I assumed.

Flippin tagged

I suppose he knows of others

Writing that out again made me and
at what i put up with and some other women on this site too.

I'm glad he threatened to leave.
Think he'll be shocked when he sees his car loaded with all his stuff.

PS i'm bluesapphire77 for anyone thats wondering..i haven't namechanged for this, fancied a new name so this is my new one lol thanks