checked pc history and husband to be registered with online dating/sex site...

[bloodyidiot]

Am a regular who has namechanged.

I feel sick. went away on saturday for one night. came yesturday and DP has gone away till thursday with work and has left his laptop (is a boozy work jolly abroad so didnt need it)

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to do this but I am glad I did. He registered with some online sex website where you flirt and potentially meet women. From what I can see he has only been in twice and hasn't 'chatted' with anyone but still...its fucking awful isn't it.

We are supposed to be getting married in less than 3 months and we have a nearly 4 year old together I sent him a text saying 'darling i think maybe we should have a chat when you get back from I... about why you have registered with an online sex website'

he is obviously horrified and has been calling and texting how sorry he is and he was bored and its nothing and he loves me blah blah blah

I just feel sick. Also it just seems so seedy. I thought he was better than that. Oh and the funniest fucking thing is that he has put his age as 31 not 35!!! vain twat

advice please lovely ladies?

pretty much felt the same way as the others who have posted here.
first time i believed him, that it was just a nosey.
2nd time I told him I didn't like it.
3rd time and after he met up, we went to relate.
4th time , found out because the OW rang the home number.. we had an interesting chat. I forgave him.. well tried to

since then it's been a repeating pattern.
The excuses i have heard, the promises that have been broken, the lies and blaming me.

I don't feel bad about it anymore.. he likes to have his ego stroked.

lots of other reasons too.. but found that he had paid to upgrade so he could email, on saturday.
Asked him for a divorce last night.

stercus, have you really finally had enough of him

if he goes will you let him back?

you sound sooo hurt and angry, why on earth are you still together if he makes you feel as bad as this?

It makes me sad that the OP's DP is only sorry because he got caught as was my DP

That is why the alarm bells are ringing tbh.

If she hadn't emailed me i don't know, i may have still felt shit about him engineering the argument to leave, he really made me feel like crap. It makes me wonder about all the other times he's started a row over nothing.
All the times i have been confused and upset thinking 'What the hell?' when he has done this. I do feel sorry for him sometimes, when i found out i was truly heartbroken and devestated, and for a bloke, a woman crying, especially a heavily PG woman, must be horrible, and to know YOU are the reason she is must be soul destroying if you truly are sorry about what you did.

By text, not in person, he was able to tell me he was sorry and wouldn't do it again, and asked me to give him a chance to prove it.."I went to see her to see what she was like and i didn't like her cos it was not you. I know that sounds mad but that was how it was..I know it sounds mad but all the time i was there all i could think of was you..I know i have been a tw*t but i love you. I fell asleep on the settee and then i had to sleep in the bed but i did not sleep with her at all i didn't like her at all..I was asleep with my clothes on and i did not touch her at all.."

Then, as i say, i sent her a message with this in and she said he did so-and-so. I guess she may have had no reason to lie.. but then again she did because i ripped her tits off when i was protecting him

I just feel so sorry for the OP
I know what she has coming...the doubts, the feelings of inadequacy. The fact she will never look at him in quite the same way. Yes, she could get past it, but its bloody hard and i feel so so sorry for her

and bcns too, have you really come to the end of the line, cos he isn't going to stop is he?

oh so far my (d)H has used:
singlesnet
datingdirect
speeddate on fb
netlog
Tagged
and many many more.. he put photos on, filled out profiles, stated that he's single, and if chat goes well he would view to meeting up.

I know this because he's a nunce.. and he used the same chatname on each and even the same password! he denied everything.. then let out bits of info.. but I had taken screenshots of all his profiles.. printed them off.. and flicked through them saying and what about this one.. this is interesting reading.

and do you know what??.. he thinks this is fine.. because I happen to have a friend who is male and he doesn't like it.

no.. I have been asking him to leave for about a year.. he won't go.. but I told him I want a divorce last night.. and I will put it in whether he agrees or not.

I want nothing ( barring the dc's) to do with him.. I actually hate him.

Hi anyfucker bluesaf77 here xx
Yeah. I have really had enough. As silly as it sounds, while i was PG, i was soooo desperate to provide my son with a proper family.. as you know DP has been a jerk up till now with his 'soupbowl' comments, and the stuff with the DSC's.. its got too much.
Last week he got into the car with them and sat there for ten mins, obv hoping i would come out and try and stop him. I didn't. I was shaking, but i was relieved..just kept thinking..drive ya fucker..drive.

They came back in and he threatened to smash my face in i know he would never but he threatened me in my own home and in front of my baby and his own kids. God i feel horrible.. OP i am very sorry for this hijackng .. it isn't shameless

Anyway we went out last week and he threw the mardy arse toddler bit at me for something silly.. i then had had enough and ripped into him big time..we had an audience lol
I forgave you for cheating, i said, and made a fresh start when DS was born.. DP was a wonderful birth partner and i could happily have forgiven him anything..so i did, i used it as a fresh start..i had fallen in love with him all over again..believe me.
1 week old, i said, and i was slaving round after you and the kids..you moaned because i gave you a 'soupbowl full of tea and toast with nothing but butter on it'
2 weeks old, you called me a cunt because i had forgotten a DUMMY! and DS was crying, and accused me of putting DSS in danger when i would do nothing to hurt those kids.
3 weeks old, you dumped me at ** shopping centre when it was snowing, you knew i had no money no phone or anything, its a seven mile walk back home, DS was in a buggy, no raincover, it was during the week when it had snowed.. and told me to 'make my own way back fucking home'
5 weeks old and you jump in the car announcing that you are leaving and pack DSC's in car because i dropped a box full of stuff and you thought i had thrown it in a temper like, when do i ever have a strop and lose my temper..NEVER.

He sat in the car wondering what the hell happened lol and why i wasn't running out clinging to his leg.. but to come back in and threaten me..well i called his bluff..come on then, i said, hit me. But don't do it in front of the kids. So walked into the kitchen. He didn't follow.
Later on made me a cuppa and a sandwich while i was feeding DS.. first time for everything!! And spoke to me really nicely for the rest of the week, i looked at him when he handed me the cuppa and said 'who are you and what have you done with my DP'
He laughed.

I am sick of forgiving, bottling it up, and releasing at innapropriate times when i can not take any more, then he holds his hands out and gives me a look as if to say 'what did i do? Where did that outburst come from'
And makes me feel bad. Just for a quiet life.
I have just had enough now i think..and i have realised that i can cope on my own..so am not afraid any more if he goes.
Might even open the door for long enough to wave him off the way i feel atm.

I'm not surprised BCNS

All the best to you

BCNS i know how you feel.
My DP has got 'single looking for a relationship/dating' on his FB profile.
He also has 'would you date dave' on his profile page with 3 yes's probably all people who don't know him that well..

He also has the App 'Are you interested'
As well as many others i expect he doesn't admit to.

I know i deserve better. I just keep giving him chance after chance. I think he has stopped with the sites, to be totally honest..but hasn't changed the FB thing. I haven't had a strop about it so i expect he just hasn't thought about it. He is a dumb fuck sometimes that seems to need these things pointing out. He has removed the 'would you date dave' thing.

I just find it incredibly upsetting that i seem to only be able to bring things up, he has a benny, then he thinks about it, and then everything is ok. We can't communicate effectively.
Its the threateneing to leave every five minutes that does my head in.. as if he thinks he's something special ffs..or like i have to reaffirm my love for him by begging him to stay and the having a major strop, saying hurtful things, then being overly nice so i let it go for the sake of a quiet life, and this cycle is repetetive.

Just pissed off in general and very fucking tired tbh.

ohhh, I am wrung out for you, with anger and wanting to twat him with a frying pan

btw, stercus, reality started a new thread for you as I think we are hijacking bloodyidiot's....sorry

bloodyidiot, as I am sure you are aware, this stuid behaviour is not that uncommon and you are totally justified for feeling hurt and betrayed. I hope you sort it out once and for all or you miht find it becomes an addiction for him to the point of putting his relationship at risk for a cheap thrill, like these other ladies fuckwits blokes have.

I really feel for you My h registered with adultfriendfinder. I found out by looking at his bank statement. I wasn't proud of myself for checking but I'd got an inkling something was up and did a search on the pc. Found loads of porn .

Unfortunately there was worse to come. The following day I found out he was having an affair with someone from work. The affair started before he registered with the dating site. It lasted for a year. I was pregnant when he was cheating, but lost it. We were trying again

Anyway, to cut a long story short and to my utter amazement we are still together. I don't know how I managed to give him another chance but let me tell you, it took a lot of work from him...........and a fair bit from me too. The thought of losing me seemed to suddenly make him get a grip on reality and realise what an arsehole he was being. Funny how it always takes being caught out for that to happen Your h doesn't seem remorseful at all. I don't know how you can get past that. I don't blame you for calling his bluff.

My DH also did this about 3 years back I found out like you on computer history. I confronted him, he said he wouldn't do it again, but we spent weeks with me spying on him, reading his messages until one evening I took DS and checked into hotel for night. I think he realised I would actually leave him if he did anything, actually met up, and although I continued to watch his computer history for a while, checked up on him, I do believe that he has stopped this now, and just goes on ebay when he is bored.

So maybe, if he knows you would seriously end the relationship if he doesn't stop, then he may do so. Hopefully.

Sorry bloodyidiot - I was getting you mixed up with someone else on this thread. Stbdh obv got a shock when you confronted him. Do you believe that there was no intention to meet any of these women?

He's a typical man - he wants to have his cake and eat it.

If you forgive him this time he'll know he'll be able to get away with doing it again. Kick him into touch now.

But... if you really think the relationship is worth saving, then lay down some ground rules. Unfortunately it's well nigh impossible for you to monitor every keyclick he makes on every computer... so you'll have to trust him. Could you?

Best of luck.

hi all just catching up. SA your husband is a twat and i am glad you are throwing him out. BCNS same to you. well done for finding strength and courage to do so.

my DP is generally kind and considerate. People like him and he is a great Dad. He has registered but not actually spoken to anyone and is devastated but thats not enough is it.

oh fucking hell

will you ever trust him bloodyidiot?

Really and for you all. I had an ex (long distance texas) and he'd joined adultfriendfinder and a local one. I snooped so found out that way. I wasn't married to him or had kids but still remember that cold wave running through my body, I felt numb then devastated.

I dumped him as he's a selfish egotistical twat. Am now very good friends with his ex wife though She's happy with a decent man.

feel so sorry for you OP and others with these crappy experiences. I am single and registered last year on Friends Reunited Dating (not marketed as "adult" or on the basis of just looking for sex AFAIK)... the number of men on there whose profiles state that they are married with kids or in a relationship - but looking for dates & even "long term relationships" was absolutely astounding. Most even had their photos and a fairly specific location given.... I found it really extraordinary, guess I was naive.

hope you get the situation resolved OP.

BI.. to be honest it might jolly well just be a blip and I really do hope so for you.

the fact that he hasn't spoken to anyone is a good sign.. but you two do need a really good chat.
the whole datesite thing seems to be addictive for some, I suppose it's quite an ego stroke for them, It's this I believe that then gets out of hand and becomes addictive, it's something that I in noway could compete with as we have/had a real life together. when I spoke to one of the OW on the phone, 1)she didn't know I was still on the scene and 2)I asked her if she needed me to send her his sinky socks..as if they were in for a relationship.. the stinky socks come with him. she declined.

Yet there is still the nosey bit.. now I went to have a nosey at match.com.. completley innocently.. straight away I was asked to register.. now I happen to choose not to, and told friend I couldn't look as I needed to register. But having said that.. it was only a couple of questions and i could have easily filled it in and maybe been in the same situation as your DP is now.

I hope that made sense .

HI, I am so so so sorry you have found this. I know how it hurts and the cold shock that hits you when you find it. I am yet another wife if a man who was (maybe still is) registerd on these fuck a munter websites.

I have trawled millions of these sites in search for my husbands profile. I so wanted to catch him red handed by becoming "cumonmytitsbeckii" or "saraluvs2swallow" or whatever these internet whores call themselves. Sadly it did not come off. But what I have learnt is that on some of these sites you HAVE to register just to browse the fannys and tits on display (although some sites to have faces on). So on there is a possible reason (depending on the site) as to why your OH registerd. You can try it out yourself by seeing how much info/viewing you get to see by not registering and then registering under fake username (I have a whole email a/c just for this purpose)and seeing what extra privelidges registering gets you.

My h was a member on many of these sites but he is a tightarse financially so never paid ANY fees to any site. Yet he met and shagged and all sorts of stuff with many of these munters. Being a financial tightarse it was ideal for him. He didnt have to waste time or money wining or dining these "holes". They just met up and played hide the sausage in various holes in the car (he denies the car) or their flats/houses. Very cost effective!!

Since all this happend I have realised by speaking to lots of people in RL and on line that many many men use these sites. Not all of them are actually looking for some RL action BUT it is a very dangerous game. Soooo many men have said how they went for a nosey, curious, got hooked and gradually over a period of time and deeper and deeper in until finally meeting up and getting down to it with some munter.

No one can tell you what to do with regards to your wedding. I would not wish this on anyone. Only uou can decide how far your OH has taken this and of he may be tempted back in the future. I hope you can work this out. For me - my relationship is doomed. The trust has gone. Its now prolly only a matter of time before I give up on him!

i think you should tell him that you are not worried about HIM loving YOU! Is he not aware that having a husband/partner that registers to online sex sites is not attractive or the least bit desirable in a partner and actually you're not sure how you feel about him anymore!

OP have popped in to remove balaclava.. apologise again for hijack and ask how you are

MrsLemon, you speak with chilling accuracy

Are you still together? If so, can I ask why?

Anyfucker

Yep we are still together or shall I say we reside together.

Why?

Various reasons I cant be arsed to go into, but more because of circumstances and also because I am not yet ready. There is so much other trauma and stuff going on my life just now I cannot deal with anymore upheavel nor can our kids. WHEN I am ready I will make decisions, at the moment I am working through the shock and reality of what I have uncoverd. This was not just a one off it is massive. I have no idea if he thinks he has been "fully" forgiven or not! We no longer discuss it although he can dodge flying plates and cups better these days when my rage takes over!