How do you know if a bloke fancies you?

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

Bit juvenile I know but I'm getting a bit concerned. I think a man (a married man) may like me more than he should. Maybe I'm being too presumptious but there is something 'not quite right' in the way he acts IYSWIM?

For one thing he's really hot and cold with me and I've not noticed him be like this with anyone else. One day he will be really, really friendly and the next he will practically ignore me and be really off with me.

Another thing I've noticed is prolonged eye contact, compliments etc and the main thing is the way his wife acts. She doesn't seem to like him talking to me. One time he said something to me and she gave him a very obvious 'look' which she didn't try to hide. He turned to her and said "what??" so she just raised an eyebrow and turned away.

Please don't think this is a thread asking "do you think I have a chance with this bloke?" because it isn't! It's a thread asking "should I keep my distance or am I reading something into nothing?

Yes, he probably does fancy you by the sound of things. The hot/cold will be him flirting with you one day, then backing off after getting a bollocking from his wife the next. Steer clear, sounds like a rat.

If you feel uncomfortable, or you are worried that it might cause problems if you seem too friendly, step back a bit.

The wife seems a bit obvious - maybe he does this sort of thing alot?

A man who fancies you will touch you physically in one way or another.

i would steer well clear and if you do have to have contact with him then keep it friendly but brief
he sounds like a flirt and its probably just the way he is
its not your problem unless you choose to let it be

sounds like he's said something suss to his wife in the past or he talks about you too much to her because she's obviously picked up on something too.

I agree he sounds a bit dodgy and he might just be playing a game to wind his wife up

Do you quite like him? I had this last year with someone married and I did like him initially but then when I twigged I just went off him straight away.

Electra, is that right? I have quiet hopes with a long standing nearly-boyfriend. He always makes a point of kissing my cheek, and recently we were talking and touched my knee, well kind of grasped it in a manly sort of way as we were sitting next to each other.

Sorry that came across as a hijack. Will start my own thread!!

Yes, Flightattendant - in my experience men do not touch women they aren't attracted to - even a brush on the hand. Grasping your knee - a sure sign imo.

Thankyou. That's good to know.

he likes you or is trying to wind his wife up. either way, i'd try to avoid.

If you think a man fancies you he usually does. That was my brother's advice years ago.

If he is married what difference does it make if he fancies you or not?

Married folk are allowed to fancy other people, just not to act on it, but it always takes two if he wants to take it further.

Well Pod I imagine if he's game playing she wants to know whether to treat him with a certain measure of disdain, or whether he is just being friendly and therefore deserves her friendship...iyswim. It doesn't have to remotely mean she wants to take it further.

He sounds like the kind of bloke where nobody knows where they stand, and he likes it that way.

Sorry, another hijack here (and agree with everyone else, it deffo looks like he fancies you!) - is that true about the physical thing? Went out for a drink with a former work colleague (and his girlfriend) and first thing he did when he came up to our table was brush my back with his hand as he said hello....was odd and didn't really know why he did that - used to get the impression there was a lot of eye contact when we worked in same office, but we're both very much attached.

Yes - touching your back is an absolute sure sign! He may not be aware of the implications of what he is doing though...

steer clear of this couple. it will end in misery. yours.
leave them to their own joys

if he is married, stay well away. whose to worry if he fancies you or not? his choice to act on it but your choice to tell him NO.
It sounds like he fancies you and is looking for an affair. DO NOT act on this. It will only end in grief.

I was the OW iyswim...and I acted. JUst bloody heartache. And think of his wife and DCs.

I think electra is right about physical contact, for many men. I'd be worried about using it as a hard-and-fast rule as she suggests - some people, me included are fairly touchy-feely with people of all genders and persuasions without it meaning anything other than friendliness.

The inconsistency in his behaviour is indicative of something going on, and it may well be that this fellow does fancy you. It strikes me that he might have a history of 'playing way games' before, and you might be his type - hence him and his wife having the unspoken conversation.

Another slightly left of field suggestion - is his attitude correlated with what you're wearing? Men (I should know) are simple creatures* like that.

Either way, give him a wide berth for a bit.

• Me included.