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Original poster

Is sex with your ex ever a good idea?

20 replies

tiggypotter · 28/02/2009 01:27

I split up with my husband a few months ago and was having relations with him still all the way through my pregnancy.
We have children together too, and were together for years so I suppose it was easy enough to do.
Now that the baby is a couple of months old he is trying to resume relations again. I really don't even like him any longer or am particularly attracted to him. It just seems easier to give in etc I think I really would rather it was over.
He doesn't love me either or want us to get back together. Sounds silly and doesn't make sense really, I know!

So sorry, a lot of rambling there. What I wanted to ask was whether having relations with your ex is ever a good idea. How and when did it stop for you?

OP posts:
supersalstrawberry · 28/02/2009 01:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ninedragons · 28/02/2009 01:29

No, it's never, ever, ever a good idea. He is just treating you as a booty call.

Original poster
tiggypotter · 28/02/2009 01:31

I think it makes me feel wanted again (guessing) as he left me/us.

OP posts:
jasper · 28/02/2009 01:33

sex with an ex may be a good idea in some cases , but not in yours.

Sex with someone you don't like and are not attracted to is NEVER a good idea.

But you know that, don't you?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 28/02/2009 01:33

i guess that there is that element of familiarality there which makes it easy.
add into the mix your situ. and the emotional confusion of separation/impending divorce
like lots of others my exh and i did
but i made sure that he was very much aware that it was one for the road
no more ever
end of.

N1 · 28/02/2009 01:50

An ex is an ex for a reason. He left you.

By maintaining a relationship is going to make it harder to cut the ties you are building.

When you decide to look for a new relationship, you will need to cut the ex out of your life so you can freely move on without him in tow. For all you know, the ex might not want you to move on and might try to stop you moving on.

The ideal is to stop the ex coming to your house - if he might cause a problem in the future. It's easier to break a habit now than let the habit become routine and harder to break. The things you allow now are going to be expected in the future.

At the moment, you feel isolated and down, having sex with the ex helps you feel better. When you get stronger in the future, you are likely to resent giving in and start to dislike the ex. At the moment the separation is amicable and manageable. Keep things working but without any emotional ties.

Qally · 28/02/2009 02:17

You are worth one hell of a lot more than that. And I suspect you will feel a lot better about yourself if you tell him so, and end things on your terms instead of his.

warthog · 28/02/2009 09:39

i think he's using you. sorry. i don't think it's a good idea.

100yearsofsolitude · 28/02/2009 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 28/02/2009 11:44

he is using you as an easy shag

fgs, why are you letting him? You don't even like him.

macdoodle · 28/02/2009 12:42

oh dear I did the same I am afraid for far too long - once led to my happy accident DD2 - and the once and only once since she was born (she is now 14 months) has made him believe that we are actually still together despite being seperated 2 and a half years and made the ongoing divorce and NM even more difficult - it played hell with my head and self esteem, once I put my foot down and said no more I felt like a new person, he didnt like it at all - it is all about power and control!!
And yes I also get the just going along with it because it is easier and less hassle - soooooo not good - be strong dont do it, you are worth better, and their are men out there who will want to have sex with you because they want to and respect you, not as a means to control you !!
Good luck!!!

macdoodle · 28/02/2009 12:42

oh dear I did the same I am afraid for far too long - once led to my happy accident DD2 - and the once and only once since she was born (she is now 14 months) has made him believe that we are actually still together despite being seperated 2 and a half years and made the ongoing divorce and NM even more difficult - it played hell with my head and self esteem, once I put my foot down and said no more I felt like a new person, he didnt like it at all - it is all about power and control!!
And yes I also get the just going along with it because it is easier and less hassle - soooooo not good - be strong dont do it, you are worth better, and their are men out there who will want to have sex with you because they want to and respect you, not as a means to control you !!
Good luck!!!

watsthestory · 28/02/2009 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

aseriouslyblondemoment · 28/02/2009 12:51

Lol at watsthestory!
Kelly Jones or Jason Orange for me!

Original poster
tiggypotter · 28/02/2009 20:28

No alas, he is not Brad Pitt.
I am going to try and put a stop to this. I've just realised that recently he doesn't even kiss me so I guess he sees that as a way of keping emotional distance, I really don't know.
I always feel rubbish afterwards, guaranteed.

OP posts:
PurpleOne · 01/03/2009 05:35

if he makes you feel rubbish, then why are you doing this to yourself?
and he doesn't even kiss you! absolutely no way. if I wanted to get my rocks off, at least do it properly...!!!

you are worth so much better than that!

HappyWoman · 01/03/2009 09:25

I think he is using it to stop you moving on. I bet once you stand up to him and say no and mean it he will want you even more - so it will actually get harder to say no.
And when a new man comes on the scence (as he will) he will really hate it - no matter how long he has been gone.

Please be strong - if you want casual sex you know you could get it anyway, why let him get it.

Also please be aware of the STD's you are putting yourself at risk of.

Good luck with being strong - but dont feel bad if you do have a moment of weakness - it is ok to make mistakes too you know, but now you are going to learn and move on.

AnyFucker · 01/03/2009 11:01

never mind "trying" to put a stop to it

tell him to fuck right off

you don't enjoy it, you don't like him, he doesn't kiss you, you feel like shit afterwards ?

get a grip

Pinkchampagne · 01/03/2009 18:49

No way! Once my ex became an ex that was it, no sex! Must mess your head right up - I would never do it, especially when you don't even fancy him.

booge · 01/03/2009 19:01

No

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