I would love some advice on what to do with myself and my life! I feel trapped and alone...
My DH has had 2 affairs over the years - which have totally destroyed my trust and turned me into a snooping doubter. We worked through these affairs and moved on - and out of London to a very rural life. He now works in London and I am on my own in stupid big house during the week (kids at school).
However latest issue arrived on Valentines. He had to go to a work thing and couldn't make it back til Sunday. I had said I didn't mind him missing Feb 14th - but never said lets ignore it totally! So on evening of 14th he didn't call and said he had fallen asleep. He came back on Sunday empty handed and hungover.
So alarm bells start ringing and when he came home I had a look through his bag. (Last year I found a filthy Valentine from some bint from his office - counselling and reconcillation followed that episode). And I found some pills called Cialis. Anyone heard of these? They are like Viagra but not immediate - you take them in the morning and guarantee a no problem hard on later apparently.
So I confronted him with them and he said they were for a friend. Comical really! i obviously told him I ddn't beleive a word and the only way I might beleive him was for him to hand over the tightly guarded blackberry so I could check for texts emails (it was clean but he has learnt by now having been caught out before this way).
Of course I think he may have been with someone else on the evening of Feb 14th.
I asked him to swear on our childrens lives that he had never taken one and he told me had taken one - on his own! Why?? He then changed his story and said that he had got them for us. That he had been worried about our sex life (?what sex life?) as he comes to soon, doesn't make me come and that he worries about hurting me. (I have an unfortunate cyst which occasionally flares up but hasn't been a problem for years)
Blimey this is getting personal!
Anyway his gist was that I should be grateful that he was concerned enough to go to the Dr and do something about our sex life. However when he is at home he slumps into bed, tells me life is shit and promptly falls asleep. I would be totally up for some action but he never appears to be - he never makes a move anyway.
What am I to make of all this? I dont really trust him.
I am lonely, unemployed (been a full time Mum for last 10 years and so am financially dependant) and feel my life is wasting away keeping house (badly according to him) for a man who has no respect for me, is constantly critcal.
I know lots of you will say - get off your arse and get a life/job etc. But I dont know where to begin... HELP!!