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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Mum owes me money that I desperately need but she won't give it to me!!

73 replies

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:03

10 yrs ago my lovely grandma passed away, in her will she had left me and my sibs £1000 each, All of my sibs have had their money and I have had £750 of mine.

Mum gave my sibs all of their money in a lump sum where as mine I have practically had to beg for when I've needed it. I have always been sensible with money and have only asked for it if i've needed something expensive in home ie' washing machine/ tumble dryer.

Anyway me and DH have been looking for property to rent, we have managed to save a little over £2000 which will pay the bond and the first months rent but we will need to buy a fridge, freezer and oven. I've asked mum tonight if I could have the money that she owes me and she said "I'll have to see what I can sort out, things are a bit tight at the minute" (she always says this).
and I know its not true.

Firstly if the money was left in trust for me then it should still be there regardless of what financial position my mum is in that money was left for me!!

She went on a £2000 hol at christmas and my brother told me only a week ago that she paid off his £600 over draught. Why is she being like this with me? I feel so hurt and angry. Why does she make me feel like I need to beg for something that's mine?

OP posts:

bellavita · 20/02/2009 21:07

Why did everyone else get theirs in a lump sum and not you - did she give a reason?

CarGirl · 20/02/2009 21:11

who is the executor of the will?

Niftyblue · 20/02/2009 21:13

Have you asked her straight out WHY?

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:14

No she never gave a reason, The others have all had there's plus extra. I maybe sound jealous but i'm not i'm really hurt.

When I lived at home if mum was short of money I always used to help out with the food shop or bills.
I just can't understand it and short of having a row with her i don't know what to do. I feel like telling her to shove the money where the sun doesn't shine but we really need it.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 20/02/2009 21:16

who was the executor of the will, they have a LEGAL obligation to ensure you get your money

bellavita · 20/02/2009 21:17

I am not surprised that you are hurt, tbh I would probably be jealous too.

Is your mum the executor?

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:17

I don't know who the executor of the will is, and I haven't asked her why she is holding my money back, If i was to ask her it would end in an argument (mum never see's anyone elses side) I've come to realize in the last few years that she's a control freak!!

I'm 35 and she makes me feel like a child

OP posts:

CarGirl · 20/02/2009 21:21

I'm sure there is a way to find out who the exector is, why don't you look on google. She is doing it just to control you.

Are you the youngest, the last to leave home or the one she feels she has the most control over?

bellavita · 20/02/2009 21:21

Is there any way you could obtain a copy of the will and see who the executor is?

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:23

No cargirl i'm the oldest of four. She has never been happy that I moved just 30 miles away to be with DH, maybe thats the reason why she is being difficult.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:24

I'm not to sure but I think my mum and Aunt are the executors.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 20/02/2009 21:24

so everyone else is more local?

Perhaps you were the eldest daughter whose duty it is to look after her?

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:25

My grandma would be turning in her grave if she could see what my mums become.

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 20/02/2009 21:27

Sounds like your mum's tactics are to divide and rule between you and your siblings.

I would take 2 actions:

Find out who the executor was - though to me it sounds more than possible that it was your mum? Anyway, if you are in England/Wales (the word 'bond' makes me think you may be in Aus/NZ?) have a look here under Searching for copies of a will.

Contact your siblings and ask for their help. Starting perhaps with your brother whose overdraft has been paid off. Maybe say to them that you have an embarrassing question, that you are still owed 250 from your grandmother's will and are taking steps to get it from your mother, but in the meantime you would really appreciate their help, either by clubbing together to lend you the 250, or by lending you appliances.

Best of luck. I HATE wills. The only thing worse than a will is not having a will.

bellavita · 20/02/2009 21:28

would this help?

girlandboy · 20/02/2009 21:28

Can you ask your siblings if they know why you didn't get a lump sum as well?

Would they know why your mum won't give you your money?

bellavita · 20/02/2009 21:29

x-posts CarGirl!

CarGirl · 20/02/2009 21:29

Perhaps you could ask your Aunt if she is executor.

In theory I think they can be prosecuted for not executing the will properly.

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:31

Girlandboy My brother told me that mum had said that I was always asking for money thats so not true, and if I have asked for money it is only for the money that is rightfully mine.

I really don't know what her problem is!!

OP posts:

CarGirl · 20/02/2009 21:33

divide & conquer seems to be a good theory....

bellavita · 20/02/2009 21:34

Have you told your brother the truth Dragonfly?

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:36

She really is a control freak, Up until sept 08 she owed me £500 but gave me £250 so that me DH and our DC's could go on holiday with her. I wonder would she have given it to me if we had wanted to go alone?

OP posts:

CarGirl · 20/02/2009 21:37

Is she a nice Mum in other ways?

girlandboy · 20/02/2009 21:37

Regardless of what your mother thinks, she is still duty bound to let you have your money.

But I'm sure you don't want to have to go down the "legal" line to get your money.

What does your dh say?

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 20/02/2009 21:39

bellavita I told my brother the truth, I don't know if he believes it or not but thats his choice.

Me and my brothers have only got really close since having our own children and mum doesn't seem to like it much that she doesn't know everything we talk about.

OP posts:

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