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Original poster

Bi curious DP.

57 replies

notsobroadminded · 19/02/2009 20:32

This actually happened ages ago,weirdly about the time that there were loads of 'bum sex'for women threads about.(and the night I manage to pluck up the courage to raise this it's trolls a go go! please feel free to test my cred/ignore this )

In brief.Gulp.My DP has admitted bi curious ness.

We have always acknowledged that sexuality is fluid etc,and I can talk the talk being all understanding about it blah blah blah...

but he said that 'in other circumstances' he 'would probably experiment'.

I cant help it ,I feel sick...really sick

I wonder whether really he is gay and cannot pretend any longer and is adjusting gradually?

OP posts:
Wilkiepedia · 19/02/2009 20:33

I am very broad minded but I like my men to be MEN and I have to say, if DH said that I think I would run for the hills.

But that is just my opinion.

Difficult one - I feel for you

Original poster
notsobroadminded · 19/02/2009 20:33

I gave myself indigestion typing that

OP posts:
kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 19/02/2009 20:37

I dont know why but I find it much more believable that a woman could be bi curious/sexual than a man. All the men I know are either gay or straight. Very definate boundaries. I would think that if he feels that he would probably experiment he is at the very least bisexual.

fabbiemamma · 19/02/2009 20:39

shove a dildo up his ass

Wilkiepedia · 19/02/2009 20:41

Fabbie - helpful why don't you let your mum have her computer back

AnyFucker · 19/02/2009 20:42

NSBM, "in other circs he would probably experiment" is a not-so-subtle way of getting you to give your permission for him to go out and shag other men

I think he is gay

can you accept him fucking around?

if not, let him go (and don't let him "experiment" on your time)

BCNS · 19/02/2009 20:43

have you asked him.. if it's more bum play.. or if it is in fact men he likes ? ..

Original poster
notsobroadminded · 19/02/2009 20:45

Mmmm.

He would say,if pressed that everyone has a bit of homosexual feeling.He has definitely admitted to these feeling himself,but says that he categorically fancies women more.

I sometimes joke that he is gay.He sort of laughs along.

None of this is coming out right.I have namechanged and I am feeling guarded.Weird.

OP posts:
ScorpiowithabigS · 19/02/2009 20:45

It is silly to think that if he is bi-curious he is gay. they are different things.

You know how you feel about it - if you don't want him to try anything out, tell him.

fattiemumma · 19/02/2009 20:45

i think you need to talk more.
he has said " in other circs" so he understands that this is not acceptable whilst in a commited relationship.

maybe find out if its the sexual thrill of anal sex he is interested in or if its the actual action of having sex with another man that he craves.

it may feel odd but until you know where he is and what he wants you will not be able to move on effectivly.

RiaParkinson · 19/02/2009 20:47

i dont think it's as clear cut as other posters

people are bi sexual - i have a few ( women) friends but i am sure men are too...

ScorpiowithabigS · 19/02/2009 20:48

Men are! Or can be.

Original poster
notsobroadminded · 19/02/2009 20:48

We have done 'bum play'.May be this is the next stage.

I think he wants to be fucked.I cant believe I have said that 'outloud'.

I am not sure that he would 'experiment' on my time,but only because I dont think he would be brave enough (or is that stupid?)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/02/2009 20:51

men are

men can be

its all good if their female partners can accept it

if my dh came out with a bombshell like this, I would kick him so far to the kerb his tender ass wouldn't touch the ground

its whether the OP can accept always wondering whether he would rather be elsewhere ie. with a man

not for me, no way

Original poster
notsobroadminded · 19/02/2009 20:51

I told him after that time that it made me feel really sick.

I apologised afterwards,but we have never really revisited it.Largely due to my being scared.

OP posts:
ScorpiowithabigS · 19/02/2009 20:53

it's ok to feel scared, its a big thing that he has said

what happens next is up to how you feel and how far he wants to go. Maybe the fantasy is enough for him.

AnyFucker - really? Kick him out?

homicidalmatriach · 19/02/2009 20:53

Well you can buy a strap on very easily and discreetly online if you want to try it - usual rules apply - lube a go-go.

Some men are bi. There's nothing wrong with it. It's not that unusual and it's great that he trusts you enough to say that to you (I know it might not feel great but it's not saying anything about you - he probably loves you to bits, but this is different need that you can't fulfil perhaps?)

Is he into submission in the bedroom?

Original poster
notsobroadminded · 19/02/2009 20:54

It is not so much of a bombshell.He has always been quite an alternative chap,we have gay friends and a couple of kinky friends....

OP posts:
RiaParkinson · 19/02/2009 20:54

twenty years ago i was with a bloke who was bum mad

he was literally arse obsessed - he is still with a woman

Any f -er he is her husband and being honest with her - why would you kick him out?

BCNS · 19/02/2009 20:54

the thought about it, and maybe experimenting with the anal side.. imo is very very different to actually wanting sex with another man.

I think you really need to find out /he needs to sort out.. want he wants.

I mean.. in theory you could get through this with anal between the 2 of you.. or in fact have threesomes.. if that be your thing.. but if he really wants men, with all their stubble and hair and muscles.. then your not really going to fit the bill.

you guys need a really good chat .

Disenchanted3 · 19/02/2009 20:54

Any fucker that isn't so.

In other circumstances he would experiment doesn't mean he wants to do that.

Notso, Im in your DPs shoes, Ive kissed girls but thats all.

I would say Im bi-curious, I would also say 'in other circumstances ...'

but my circumstance consists of a husband and family, and so thats that.

My husband knows how I feel, I told him because I want him to know me fully, have no secrets, does NOT mean Im asking permission for anything.

Maybe he just wants to be open with you?

Doesn't have to move on to anything.

It hasn't for 8 years with me.

fattiemumma · 19/02/2009 20:57

see in my head i find the idea of strapping on a dildo and fucking a man till he screams my name in orgams quite a turn on.

in reality i think i would be rather disturbed.

Original poster
notsobroadminded · 19/02/2009 20:58

Submission? Not particularly.

One thing that has concerned me for a while is that he is really into things and getting close iykwim and then he stops for a second or two, as though he is 'thinking something else' and then climaxes.So I think he is picturing someone else

OP posts:
homicidalmatriach · 19/02/2009 21:00

I think that may be a bit of overanalysing on your side my dear - lots of people stop for a second before orgasm to savour the feeling - doesn't mean they are imagining someone else.

What do you want in all this?

AnyFucker · 19/02/2009 21:00

yes, honestly, it would end my relationship

I am not being nasty

it is my opinion and not meant to make anyone feel bad

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