Bi curious DP.

[notsobroadminded]

This actually happened ages ago,weirdly about the time that there were loads of 'bum sex'for women threads about.(and the night I manage to pluck up the courage to raise this it's trolls a go go! please feel free to test my cred/ignore this )

In brief.Gulp.My DP has admitted bi curious ness.

We have always acknowledged that sexuality is fluid etc,and I can talk the talk being all understanding about it blah blah blah...

but he said that 'in other circumstances' he 'would probably experiment'.

I cant help it ,I feel sick...really sick

I wonder whether really he is gay and cannot pretend any longer and is adjusting gradually?

nope he is not flirty on the whole.

To complicate things a little,he had an emotional affair with a woman he works with that prob lasted a couple of years...

to my mind he really likes he company of pretty women yet isnt driven by lust as such.

you mean he wants to be a gay best friend ?

In a nutshell noddy

thanks folks....think I have had enough now x

How are you today?have you managed to talk to him?

Kerrymumbles. I'm not sure it comes down to openmindedness really. I'm openminded but could not be in a relationship with someone who was experimenting having sex with other men. How is it any different from him wanting to have sex with other women. It would be a no for me too.

You say you agree with him that sexuality is fluid, and yet, your DP says that in other circumstances would probably experiment. I don't see what part of that says that he is gay or that he is thinking of cheating. I don't think the issue here is this 'revelation' (which seems to me to be nothing you didn't already know) but that you don't believe he is telling you the whole truth or you don't trust him not to stray. I think that is an issue completely independent of his bi-curiosity.

Being bi-curious is a long way from being gay. It's a stage you have to go through before admitting bisexual or homosexual feelings, but that doesn't mean everyone who is bi-curious goes on to have same-sex experiences or relationships. Not by a long stretch.

I think it's inteesting there's a kind of perceived 'purity' in heterosexual relationships that doesn't exist in homosexual ones. That somehow if a straight person has feelings for someone of the same sex, it 'taints' them as gay. That doesn't happen the other way round. A gay person feeling bi-curious with regards to the opposite sex wouldn't suddenly be shunned and labelled as having 'straight feelings'. I don't know, maybe that's a generalisation, but it IS fluid and it isn't that clear-cut.

And as for "I am very broad minded but I like my men to be MEN" - eh? Because gay men aren't men, they're just pretending?! A real man is a man who knows who he is and is comfortable with that beyond anything else, surely?

Sorry if that sounds a bit soap-boxy. Essentially I don't think the bi-curosity is the problem, I think your worry is a symptom of a much bigger one. Hope you work something out.

No I havent spoken to him noddy,he is away with ds for half term stuff.

I feel queasy,unsettled,anticipatory(?)...

gagamama.

yeah,what you say makes sense,the bi curious thing is just a way into this mess! I suppose I should have said 'think dp might be gay as opposed to...oh i cant finish that sentence.

and,no!..not soap boxy atall.that was the kind of post i was anticipating/wanting (amongst others)i like to hear the peripheral stuff and also have someone else join the dots in my thinking correctly

you are so right,this is part of a bigger deal!