awkard situation... is it ok to exclude just one girl i dd's class from party on the grounds that...

[noonar]

... she has a very unhealthy relationship with my dd.

dd has been very distressed by a girl in her class who's behaviour has been deemed by the school to be emotional bullying. dd sees her as a 'friend' but she is highly manipulative and is slowly chipping away at my dd's self esteem. (dd will be 7 next month, by the way.)

dd is soon to have a joint party with another girl in the class. the other mum and i had initially talked about inviting all the girls so no one feels left out.

however, after half term, the school is going to begin to tackle this friendship problem by separating the two girls at break time etc.

i just dont know what to do for the best. i really dont want dd to invite this girl, but i suspect that dd may want her to come. however, she has been at the root of much heartache for dd and i just dont want her to be there .

should i let dd invite her, on the grounds that it would bevery cruel to exclude just one girl? ( as there will be 30 children there, this girl wont be able to have her usual 'hold' over dd...)

any advice, please?

Difficult call. It is cruel not to invite only 1, but then again, I don't know what sort of stuff she's been doing to your dd.

Have you spoken to the girl's mother and gotten her view on it all. If the mum would get chippy I would not invite her but if she seems concerned and acts on it, then yes, I'd invite the girl. After all, a controlled exposure is better than the school environment as others have said.

Haven't read the whole thread, but I would be concerned about not inviting this girl, in case it caused further nastiness. As this is a joint paty, perhaps a compromise would be to get the other girl to officially invite the child (even if it comes out of your allocation), so that it does not look as though your DD has done the inviting (to avoid sending mixed messages) - that way she is invited, but your DD has not got to do it. Then at the party I would have someone watch her behaviour closely, and get your DD to make sure she says anything if she starts bullying your DD - the first time she does it, pick the girl up on it and warn her if she does it again you will be phoning her mother and removing her from the party (and following through if necessary). No one should be expected to have to suffer abuse at their own party, and if she can't behave, then she goes home! Maybe a bit harsh, but I made my own daughter leave her own birthday party (5 mins time out) as she was being horrible to another girl. She soon behaved after that!