My husband is damaging me and our DC.

[myhusbandis3yearsold]

Where to start?

Husbands behaviour is turning me against him and apart from wrecking our marriage, its going to wreck our DCs childhood.

He is so angry with the DC, he forgets they are babies, 3 and 1 FFS! Expects far too much from them, the 1 year old was crying earlier and he shouted at her so bloody loudly. He goes from being a loving, caring father to an irate monster in seconds. Hes been known to smack (not hard) the 3 year old round the back of the head, which i hate, hes reduced me to tears because of it on more than one occassion. The only reason he stopped was because one of his friends said that his wife had done that to his DD and he threatened to leave and take her with him, so DH realised he was wrong (though if i say it i am being soft ).

His answer to everything is to shout loudly and often until they do what they're told. There are 1000 instances of this, but i'd be here for hours listing them.

He came home earlier, all was fine, now TMI i have a sore spot in my nose that requires constant prodding, DH said stop doing that, i told him i wasn't picking my nose, i have a sore thing up there, he said fine, picked his nose and tried to make DD eat the contents , i told him to stop being revolting and he did, but came over to me instead with it, i held him back and he pushed me and said "i'll kick you in, if you don't give me a cuddle" now i know he won't hit me or anything, but apart from being bloody offensive, its a disgusting thing to say infront of our DC!

This is the problem, our relationship isn't bad, we have issues, but really we're ok, but i CANNOT stand the way he talks and acts around the DC and i don't know how to change it. He's said to the 3yr old before, "get mummys boobs, get them" before, showing him where they are. He sees nothing wrong with anything!

Its at the point where i need to leave if i can't change it.

I'm not leaving, he is. I need the house, he gets accomm at work.

The last time I posted I asked if you have discussed what family values you want to give the DCs and if he has changed lately. I wondered if you were being baited through the children, which would be very worrying,
but I also wondered if you may have presented this here when you were angry and if we were only hearing the worst (bad enough!).
He did change his behaviour when his friend mentioned it so FWIW I think he needs to think about parenting and what messages he is giving the DCs.
Let's not forget that whatever happens in your relationship with him, he is still going to be their father and you still need to think about how you can get him the help he needs to parent the children well!!!!

The worst thing is what you are saying mirrors what i said on my thread. Laughing it off, believing it, ect. I am NOT knocking you in any way because i know where you are in your head.

Get angry with him. This is what i did. I read what people posted on here, and thought, you CUNT, i do this and that for you, and you repay me by making me feel like something you have stepped in.

Get angry.. you are worth more than this, easy to say i know, but you need the thought in your mind for a while before it sinks in and you start to believe it.

I am, funnily enough, not going to demand that you leave him. I cannot preach to you on something i myself have done..but take back some control. Look at him and think about when you were first together. Nice, wasn't he? Romantic, loving? Kind?
THAT is what you deserve. THIS is what you spend all your time hoping to get a glimpse of, and changing your behaviour according to what he says makes him happy so hopefully you will see the man who made you fall in love with him.
Well, until he grows some bloody respect for the woman who puts up with his SHIT you won't see it as often as you want, if ever.
Sorry.
Now look at what he has become. At some point he lost respect for you. He realised 'Oh, i have one here that will stay no matter what, because she loves me. Misguided cow'
Sooooo. What the FUCK gives him the right to treat someone, who, he knows full well loves him, like crap? Nothing. Look at him. When he's asleep, look at him and think how he is only human, the same as you. He eats, sleeps, shits. Why is he better than you? Why do you treat him so well, despite what he does to you. Think about other things, you have kids yes? Think about how, to provide him with these beautiful gifts, you came as close to death as someone can get, which IMO giving birth to a baby is bloody dangerous, painful, the pain of labour is like nothing else. But you put yourself through that to provide him with his kids.
So by now you should be looking at him and seething, hopefully thinking "How very DARE you treat me like something on the bottom of your shoe"
Good. And you would be right. HOW DARE HE?
Only you can decide if leaving is right for you. No one else can make you do anything, only advise. And i tell you what, as exasperating as some people can be, posting on here, getting advice, choosing to ignore it, posting again....i tell you, the girls on here are forgiving and patient. They KNOW it could take years before you grow the respect for yourself or your kids to walk away. They will always be here for you and won't EVER say "Oh no not you again"
Keep posting, keep on until you believe in yourself to the point, you look at him and think, you fucking TURD i am better than this, i'm off/i'm going to stay but this is going to change..whatever.

But do look at him, a LOT and look until he turns your stomach or you realise he is no better or worse than you and you deserve to be treated the way you do him, loved unconditionally, despite his many flaws, he should be doing this for you too.
When you realise what a worm he is, you will have had good practise (through looking at him, observing, and realising what he is) enough to be able to give him a withering look, a mouthful of what he is, and either walk, or stay and have a very shocked and realising what he is about to lose DH trying his best to put right the wrongs he has done you.
Sorry my post is so long.
Love and hugs to you and DC's
Kick in the nuts for your DH who doesn't realise what a wonderful family he has. Twat.

Sapphire what an incredibly moving message.

He sound malicious and I wonder if he's only steps away from other things, more sinister.
He seems controlling and spiteful, get rid or get counselling.

I still worry about your children. Children are readily traumatised by things, it happens quickly, they're not resilient as we're always told. You only have to look at the behaviour of children who've been in hospital to see how easily fears and phobias develop. You might be strong enough to deal with this crap, but are they?

I'm glad you're seriously thinking of making him move out. Maybe then he'll take this a bit more seriously and get some help.

You all deserve better than this.

Thanks llama but it has a lot of people on here behind it cos just a couple of days ago i had similar crap to the OP going on and i got a lot of supportive messages from MNetters.
So they are the ones i have to credit that to because they helped me realise what i already knew and had just sat on for the sake of peace and a quiet 'happy' life.. that i deserved better and where the hell had my self respect gone.

OP i hope you are ok flower come back and let us know how you are ok xx

Please think very carefully, myhusbandis3yearsold. Nobody normal says they'll 'kick you in' no matter how lighthearted it is meant to be. Nobody. Ever. Under any circumstances.