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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm so ANGRY

33 replies

onlywantsone · 04/02/2009 19:40

my X partner and father of my DD who is currently not allowed to contact me in any way - due to violence etc has sent my new partner a compromising picture message of me (taken a while ago)

Is there any thing I can do about this?

I feel so violated

OP posts:
Original poster
onlywantsone · 04/02/2009 19:41

he is also bound over to keep the peace in relation to me for the period of me by court order.

OP posts:
naswm · 04/02/2009 19:41

Firstly, I am so sorry for you

SEcondly, I think this is probably in breach of whatever restraining order is against him contacting you. As embarrassing as it is, I think you need to tell someone about it...

HUG

escape · 04/02/2009 19:43

Well, that aint 'keeping the peace' is it?

Hope you find the courage to take this further.
all the best.

mamas12 · 04/02/2009 19:44

Oh bloody hell, can you phone the police to ask their advice. I had some dodgy phonecalls once and when I rang them they took it very seriously, So if you could put it in the context of a harrassment complaint you migtht get some good advice.

Original poster
onlywantsone · 04/02/2009 19:44

I will contact my solictor tomorrow morning.

Luckily my DP is fab about it and has just dismissed it as my X being an utter prick but I feel guilty and ashamed. I know he has lots of naked pictures of me on his PC and am now concerned they will be distributed.

OP posts:
mamas12 · 04/02/2009 19:45

Oh I see well next thing PHONE THE POLICE NOW
okay

onlywantsone · 04/02/2009 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HolyGuacamole · 04/02/2009 19:53

What a pr1ck! Ignore, call the Police or react in another way? I'm not experienced enough to know what is best to do, others will be so you will get some good advice soon.

How did he get your partners number? And, how is your partner reacting to it?

The fact that he done that says a lot more about him than it does you so don't let it get to you too much, because sounds like that was his sick intention. What a tosser, feel for you.

HolyGuacamole · 04/02/2009 19:55

Sorry x-posted. What an arse. Yes, defo call the Police.

Original poster
onlywantsone · 04/02/2009 19:56

have just phoned non emergency local police they have said they cannot say whether it is breach of his conditions - and told me to contact my solictor in the morning and to get back to them

OP posts:
HolyGuacamole · 04/02/2009 20:01

Horrendous attitude from the Police. Even if it was nothing to do with a restraining order, you'd think they would still do something about it like go around and give him a few harsh words in his ear

Original poster
onlywantsone · 04/02/2009 20:09

but it is only one picture message - maybe they need more in order to generate a personal responce. man power isnt big round here in the police force x

OP posts:
BlueSapphire77 · 04/02/2009 20:30

Also if there is any way you can get someone to comment to him that he is obv still fixated with you if he still has those pics on his phone, what a sad case lol

And its harrassment, my EXp tried the same, compromising photo's of me, showing them to all and sundry. I laughed it off but inside i was cringing.

It must have got back to him that i wasn't bothered though cos next thing you know he stopped showing them off, it was obv. designed to piss me off and hurt me. It bugged him that it didn't work.
Your new DP will know that you have a past so this shouldn't bother him, it will reinforce in his mind what a bell end your exp was lol

Wish you all the best sorting the dirtbag out, deffo go to the police, it'll teach him a helluvva lesson xx

dontbitemytoes · 04/02/2009 20:30

how is he prevented from contacting you ? is it through a restrining order, non-molestation order or bail conditions (sorry can't see from your OP)?
what does the wording say?

Original poster
onlywantsone · 04/02/2009 20:46

nothing dontbitemytoes he is just bound over to keep the peace in relation to me.

OP posts:
dontbitemytoes · 04/02/2009 21:42

onlywantsome. this really isn't much protection for you is it? at best you can bring him back to court for breaching his bind-over and he will need to hand over the recognisance (the amount of money he was bound over to i.e the bindover would have said something like, you are bound over to keep the peace generally and especially in relation to onlyantsome in the sum of £100)

BUT taking these proceedings will only leave him out of pocket, they won't offer you any more protection. If you want to take this course of action, CPS are duty bound lay a complaint on your behalf if they think there is enough evidence to prosecute (it is to civil standard of proof, ie on balance of probablilities, so they are likely to succeed in a prosecution in your case imo)

the best bet though would be to contact your local somestic violence unit and explain the position in the hope they can put pressure on the police to issue this guy with a harassment notice. that way if he breaches it he is straight into court.

HTH

dontbitemytoes · 04/02/2009 21:44

sorry i wasnt very clear was I? If you do want to institute breach proceedings, phone to police again in the morning and tell them this. tell them to contact their cps lawyer for advice before they give you an answer. Explain your history (violence etc)

And i meant Domsetic Violence Unit (not somestic) Obviously!

MmeLindt · 04/02/2009 21:46

What a wanker. I hope that the police can help you.

Btw, you might want to get your post about the emails to your sister deleted, you have posted you and your DD's names.

jasper · 04/02/2009 21:57

is he not allowed to see is daughter?

lessonlearned · 04/02/2009 22:52

Your solicitor is really the one to speak to here. Prepare your evidence well and get the support of your wtnesses. He has really gone and done it now, tbh. He is relying on your shame and embarrasment to keep things quiet but the court will take a very dim view of this (possible custodial sentence), i'm sure.
If it helps you to progress your complaint (and maybe give evidence in court) try to imagine you are acting on behalf of someone else, so as to be able to distance yourself from the personal affront. Hopefully you will get witness support to help you through the process. I hope the court will give you satisfaction and that you are able to come out of this with your head held high and your dignity intact. He deserves to get a warm welcome from her majesties inmates for this!

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 04/02/2009 22:58

was it a family law act injunction? usual term would be to forbid him from using or threatening violence and from harassing or pestering you... sending pics to your dp arguably would be breach of that.... is clearly aimed at upsetting / distressing you. please follow up getting more legal advice. at the least your solicitor can write to him telling him to fuck off stop.

HolyGuacamole · 05/02/2009 10:10

onlywantsone - Did you talk to your solicitor? Was just wondering how you got on and if you're feeling better this morning?

Original poster
onlywantsone · 05/02/2009 16:18

called my solictor - had no responce which is a shame because she's normally fab.

Bugger it

OP posts:
mamas12 · 05/02/2009 17:34

What do you mean no response, you are paying for her to do you a service (even if it's legal aid she is still being paid)she must do as instructed by you. Ring her again and insist that you need her to do something.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 05/02/2009 17:36

err, she may have been out at court all day? she probably has a whole heap of clients? am sure she'll get back to you if she's usually fab!