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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

can you get over violence in a marriage?

84 replies

timeforchange · 04/02/2009 09:51

That is all i'm wondering really. Dh and i have been violent to eachother in the past (most recently 1 yr ago). Usually started by me in response to something completely dreadful he's said to me - not that that excuses it. However I've been left with a permanent injury which is likely to have been caused by him 5 years ago. We are trying to make things work (there are many other issues and we're seeing a counsellor together) but I'm not sure i can ever feel close or want to be close to him again. I also soemtimes have to take medication to get to sleep if we have a row as he says such awful things and otherewiae i'd be awake all night thinking about his horrible words. I suffer from nightmares about him. I'm wondering if there is any point to continuing with the counselling and the marriage?

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timeforchange · 06/02/2009 07:52

I went to see a chiropractor about the injury I think dh may have caused yesterday. This is the first time I've ever told any medical person what happended - he 's said that there wasn't much doubt that what happened caused my injury - a twisted pelvis

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CarryOnUpTheLiffey · 06/02/2009 09:27

Well, I'm glad you were honest with the chiropractor. Even if not for legal reasons, knowing you've said it out loud to another human being, and seeing it through their eyes, hearing it through their ears, it's very helpful in penetrating the armour of denial necessary to live with an agressive/abusive/controlling man. My x was all of these things and i never told a soul. My armour was like something you'd see on display at Warwick castle. So long as my Cath Kidston Blind hid it all from the World I thought I could deal with it.

Very glad you've said it out loud, especially to somebody who's not a friend but who is an objective professional. Good step.

timeforchange · 06/02/2009 11:19

Thanks Carryon. I told dh last night that i'd told the chiropractor, he didn't say much, just looked a bit sad. I still have this feeling that it's not a good enought reason to leave as i was hitting him when he attacked back. It was his attack back which caused the injury, and it was 5 years ago. But how could i ever be close to him again now, plus there are many other issues Think i just need the to fidn the courage to make a decision and stick with it

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timeforchange · 06/02/2009 13:42

It makes it all seem more real (and worse ) now that someone knows what really happened.

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CarryOnUpTheLiffey · 06/02/2009 16:53

Ok timeforchange. Don't focus on blame for a while. Imagine your marriage is a blamefree zone (ha ha, i used to work for an American company, I have so much business-speak on the tip of my tongue, I need to cough back up the manual)

Anyway, park the issue of blame (there I go again) and just think about whether you're happy or not. ARE you?

He tells you he's going away on business for 3 days. GUT REACTION. Quickly! Are you pleased!?

In the run up to when I left my ex I was out for a jog and it suddenly occurred to me that if I only had a year to live, I would definitely leave. When I saw it like that, I wondered what the fkcniug lehl I was waiting for. Maybe you would answer the question differently, but anyway, I think it's a useful question to ask yourself.

You have a year to live - what do you do with that year?

timeforchange · 08/02/2009 22:16

Intersting thought - yes, i think probably if i had just al year left i would leave. On friday, when i was talking to him about not knowing what he did causing me this injury, he complained about me bring back the past. I've had to live with the pain of it reminding me every day. he's been ok to me over the weekend, but don't see how i can ever trust him or feel close like i'd want to in a relationship

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dittany · 08/02/2009 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timeforchange · 08/02/2009 22:41

Thanks Dittany. I think you're probably right. tyrouble is there are lots of good things about him too but i dount i'll ever trust him. I'm having doubts about our counsellor too

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Coldtits · 08/02/2009 22:47

No, you can't.

You'll never trust him again. You'll always be wondering when the next blow will be coming.

Coldtits · 08/02/2009 22:47

No, you can't.

You'll never trust him again. You'll always be wondering when the next blow will be coming.

lessonlearned · 08/02/2009 23:06

so what exactly have you two been discussing in counsellind,FFS? The price of fish???

dittany · 08/02/2009 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sjay · 08/02/2009 23:10

I think you need to at the very least have time apart and maybe continue with the counselling aswell? If he isn't like it with others do you think it is because he knows you will put up with it and still be there?

I don't have all the answers and don't take this the wrong way but it sounds as though the relationship is a shambles and you are posting excuses and justifying his behaviour because you want someone, anyone to say stay and it will work out.

I feel for you it's a horrible position to be in i know from past experience but be honest with yourself as much as you want it to be dfferent with him it isn't and you deserve to be happy both of you but perhaps it just isn't meant to be that you are together.

lessonlearned · 09/02/2009 00:01

Can I ask who is paying for this 'so called' counselling that does not address the most basic questions about this relationship? Ask for your money back and report it to the British Association of Counsellors!

timeforchange · 09/02/2009 11:31

We're paying for the counselling. I'm pretty sure if i don't ever hit h he won;t hit me. But if we have a horrible row and he syas vile hurtful things to me, I'm not sure i trust myslef , terribel i know . There are many other issues too othere than the violence.
These are the other issues:

  1. He rarely expresses any annoyances unless angrily in a row
  2. he says hurtful things, eg saying i need tablets to make me likeable
  3. he caused my twisted pelvis (although i know i'm to balame for that too for hitting him)
  4. when he shouts i'm often scared. he knows this but doesn't stop
  5. don't feel happy having sex, rarely happens anyway
  6. i'm always waiting for him to let me down
7 he rarely suggest we go out as a couple
  1. he has rejected ds a few times when angry
9 things from his past worry me

But, he can very very kind, gets up in morings with ds,and we can have good chats (as long as it's not about difficult subjects, eg our relationship)

6

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dizietsma · 09/02/2009 12:20

"But, he can very very kind, gets up in morings with ds,and we can have good chats (as long as it's not about difficult subjects, eg our relationship)"

Well that totally ameliorates all the violence then!

VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS UNACCEPTABLE.

timeforchange · 09/02/2009 13:31

It's not just the violence that's the issue, he'll only do it in retaliation so i only have muself to blame for that and it hasn't happend for over a year. My main issue atm is whether i can deal with the fact that what he did 5 years ago caused me such an injury and alos all the other things i mentioned. I'm no saint AT ALL and know i can wind him up by going on too much about hings when i'm annoyed/upset with him and i should never hit him regardless of what he says to me. We rarely have sex because he says i push him away mentally, yes that's probably true because he's hurt me so much

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lessonlearned · 09/02/2009 17:18

I think you need to take a printout of this thread to your next conselling session.

dizietsma · 09/02/2009 18:08

TFC has it ever crossed your mind that in practically every domestically abusive relationship the abused blames themselves and says that they provoked the attacks? You sound like a cliche! I'm sure you think that your situation is different from all those others, but the truth is that is exactly what all the others believe too!

Doesn't matter what you did to "provoke" violence, it is never OK for it to get to that point. If your partner feels he is so angry he may hit you the healthy response, is to WALK AWAY. In much the same way that it is normal to sometimes feel so angry at your kids that you feel you may be violent, but it is NEVER OK to act on that impulse.

Also cliche in domestically abusive relationships is for the abuser to engineer situations so that the abused feels they are as you put it- "No Saint" in the relationship, i.e. responsible for their own abuse. The emotional and mental manipulation are all part and parcel of the abuse.

You're probably sitting there reading this thinking "Well that's not the case with our relationship, we're different." Let me assure you, that's what every woman in your situation thinks.

Gah! Every time I come on mumsnet I go to the relationships threads and post pleading, begging, reasoning posts to women stuck in these hideous relationships. This is because I watched my mum get beat up most of my childhood and it fucked up the entire family. I want for that not to happen to anyone else, I want the kids watching terrified like I did as my mum was beaten and strangled to have the nightmare end. I want the kids living in the constant eggshell walking, calm before the storm houses to know a happy, healthy household and NOT grow up with a fucking anxiety disorder like me. But I know... I know that I may as well be talking to a brick wall.

Sigh.

timeforchange · 09/02/2009 20:25

Diz, Thanks for your reply but it me who hits first

LL why do you think i should take this post to next counselling session?

H also think there;s no difference betweena amn hittinga woman and vice versa. maybe there isn't

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lessonlearned · 09/02/2009 21:15

Im not sure what you have contracted to get out of counselling or if you have clearly told your counsellor what's going on in the relationship.
FWIW I don't think you are in a place to work on having a respectful partnership until you both do some individual work on your own issues. It sounds like a very volatile situation.

ActingNormal · 09/02/2009 22:01

Do you know people who are in good relationships which they are happy in? Think about those men. Would they ever do the things your man has done/does? Can you see how they treat their women with respect and love? YOU could have a relationship like that with a different man. Do you want to settle for what you have got which is MUCH less? Wouldn't you rather have something like what they have? You deserve it and there is no reason why you shouldn't have it. By not settling for someone who treats you badly you would be showing yourself so much more love and respect and that has got to be good for your self esteem.

Most people do not have relationships like the one you have got. Most people have better ones. Why should they have this and not you? They aren't more 'important' people than you. You should have this too.

Visualise yourself in a nice relationship with a nice man and feeling good about yourself and knowing that you value yourself enough not to put up with bad treatment. How does it feel? Would it not be worth the relatively short and difficult and scary time in your life when you leave him?

timeforchange · 10/02/2009 09:32

Thanks ActingNormal - that was a really nice post. Trouble is he CAN be very nice and basically if iu'm nice to him, he will be nice to me. trouble is we do not deal well together with life's ups and downs and stresses plus all the other problems i mentioned. I don't feel he understands me at all (eg he thinks i thrive on stress (i hate it, there are many more examples). Also

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timeforchange · 10/02/2009 16:27

I really wish i coul dmake a decision about things. All this uncertainity is making me feel awful. I really do appreciate you your responses, thanks you

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timeforchange · 10/02/2009 20:52

anyone around?

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