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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If you were the wife, would you feel the same?

126 replies

TheGoodLyfe · 31/01/2009 18:08

Just after christmas I was talking to one of the dads at school (who also happens to be my gym instructor) and he mentioned that he was due in work at 9.30am at a neighboring village. He doesn't drive so cycles and it is a fair distance, especially in the cold.

As it happens, I also work in this village on the day he does. I drive. So naturally I asked if he'd like a lift on these days. He accepted.

We have been doing this now for the past few weeks. Conversation tends to be limited to gym and gym ... and then perhaps a bit of gym.

So, I didn't see anything 'untoward' about this at all.

Anyway, last night I was approached by his wife at the gym who told me (nicely) that she wasn't happy with the set-up and had spoken to her husband about it who had agreed to cycle to work again instead. She said she wanted to tell me herself so that it didn't look like she was being nasty behind my back.

I'm a bit by it, surely she didn't think I was trying to steal her husband?? this is how it has come across and I'm mortified that anyone would think that of me I'm now wondering if I should find another gym which is a shame as I have made friends there now

Is she over-reacting or should I have known better?

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 31/01/2009 22:36

< joins saul still keeping tin hat on.... >

AnyFucker · 31/01/2009 22:37

where is OP ?

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 31/01/2009 22:39

maybe she's gone to bed.

twinsetandpearls · 31/01/2009 22:41

with her gym instructor.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 31/01/2009 22:43

you naughty thing!

I didn't mean it like that!

AnyFucker · 31/01/2009 23:23

SlartyBartFast · 31/01/2009 23:31

i think he was cheeky to ask for a lift. she is jealous. get over it. use another gym, anything for a quiet life me.

SlartyBartFast · 31/01/2009 23:32

are all gym instructors like this?
there was anotehr thread about a gym instructor with a jealous wife previously.

Olihan · 01/02/2009 08:53

SBF, he didn't ask, the OP offered - 'As it happens, I also work in this village on the day he does. I drive. So naturally I asked if he'd like a lift on these days. He accepted.'

I'd jump at the chance of a lift, rather than having to cycle in the freezing cold and rain.

Saul, my answer to your AIBU would be 'get over yourself and stop being so neurotic'. I detest all the threads with suspicious, jealous wives questioning every action of their dh's when a female is involved, whether it's a colleague, another mum in the playground or a friend. What happened to good old fashioned trust in a relationship? Not all men are ruled by what's in their trousers, the majority are decent, faithful men who are able to be friends with a female, even if she is fit, single and attractive.

The constant suspicion of men on here really irritates me. I don't get why we marry them ,let alone have children with them if we can't trust them within 6 feet of another female just in case they can't help themselves, being the weak willed, inherently unfaithful beings they are. .

saultanpepper · 01/02/2009 13:25

Olihan

My thoughts exactly but being a token XY it's not always easy to articulate that sort of mindset on here for fear of some of the big guns getting their flamethrowers out...

BonsoirAnna · 01/02/2009 13:28

If the wife wasn't happy about her DH accepting a lift from you, she should have talked about it with her DH and told him to tell you. She's a control-freak behaving like his mother.

eNABlemetobebetter · 01/02/2009 13:29

AnyFucker - it doesn't seem at all that the OP added any fuel to the fire.

Don't move gyms.

You haven't done anything wrong. It is their problem.

MrsWeasley · 01/02/2009 13:30

She sounds like a bunny boiler to me

wheresthehamster · 01/02/2009 13:30

It was op's first post. Maybe she hasn't come back because she's trying out other parenting sites?

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 01/02/2009 13:43

Jealous people should never be indulged or pandered to. If they can't be made to get over themselves, dump them.

daftpunk · 01/02/2009 13:46

i wouldn't want my dh getting lifts from a woman tbh...i would probably have reacted like she did.

stitch · 01/02/2009 13:50

it is usuallly better to stay clear of other peoples relationships. whatever you do, you will be in the wrong. piggy in the middle.
i would tell her to fuck off, in a nice way. tell her you offered someone a lift, and they accepted. if the two of them cant acceptit in the innocence it was given, that is their problem, and you are well shot of them.
do not under any circumstances move gyms.

twopeople · 01/02/2009 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Anifrangapani · 01/02/2009 13:57

Sounds as if the relationship is not in good shape. Leave them to sort it out. What is it to you if he cycles or not. Some people enjoy cycling ( even in the snow)

daftpunk · 01/02/2009 14:01

i don't think a relationship has to be in bad shape to not be happy about it...this is how affairs can start...the wife is just being sensible imo.

meemar · 01/02/2009 14:03

daftpunk, of course there has to be a problem in the relationship for an affair to start, whether both parties know it or not. People don't automatically start sleeping together just because they share a car!

Anifrangapani · 01/02/2009 14:07

I know dp ( have the badge). I still think the OP shouldn't be so put out by it.

The wife isn't happy about the arangement for whatever reason. The OP should respect it and walk away.

daftpunk · 01/02/2009 14:08

true, but you don't want temptation do you.

i know i could be burgled...but i wont leave my windows open to make it easy for them!

ADealingMummy · 01/02/2009 15:35

Have to say I wouldn't be overly comfortable with DH getting a lift every week with some vague woman from the gym.

Yes, i'm a little insecure, but DH knew this when we married, and went on to have our darling DD. It's not a crime to feel a little insecure about someone your not too sure about.

However I doubt I would have approached OP to tell her. That would have revealed my vulnerable side, and that never happens in RL.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2009 16:18

if a woman I vaguely knew was already suspicious and jealous that her dp fancied me, I would not stir things up by offering a regular lift to the bloke

I think it is adding fuel to the fire and potentially a leetle bit attention-seeking "oh, ohh nooooo, look how this bloke must really fancy me, cos his gf is insanely jealous....."

it just doesn't seem a female-friendly, sisters-type-attitude to me

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