Okay, bit new to this but need some advice... my dp had an affair with a woman at work last year. They work at a school (she was his class assistant) and he had just left to go elsewhere, so it was over the summer holiday after - mostly it was texts and declarations of love / wanting to be together forever on email plus long phonecalls when I took dcs to sports. But once her H went away for the night and they went for a drink and ended up sleeping together at hers, then he came home, looked guilty and I searched for and found the texts.
I can honestly say we had no probs with our relationship before, went out together lots without dcs, had sex, were best friends too. He'd said he had a crush on her before but I thought it was nothing serious - we used to talk about things like that so they were out in the open. Anyway, five months on I have found some cds she gave him. he says he never intended to sleep with her but she asked him to come and get them from her house that night as a present and that's how they ended up sleeping together as she started kissing him and he made a bad choice etc etc blah blah the usual...
After I found out he moved out for several weeks to get his head straight about why he'd had feelings for her and if he loved me enough but eventually came back, though only after a 2 week blip when she started texting again and he replied. I found this and asked him to finish it or I'd never take him back and so he sent her a final email. I asked to see it before it was sent but he ignored my suggestions and did things I was really unhappy about like sign it 'love' from and told her he really cared about her and hoped she'd find happiness though he had to go back to us as too much hurt had been caused etc. Her H meanwhile had gone nuts and was threatening him / harassing him online - not death threats or anything, just silly posts on his blog and facebook requests so more annoying than anything.
In Dec my dp told her H finally he was going to get the police in if he didn't stop, which it now it has. DP also now realises it was a midlife crisis or something and deeply regrets nearly throwing everything away. Trouble is, I really, really want to get rid of those cds because of their significance and how to do that is causing endless trouble. Although dp has sent her H emails saying he doesn't love her, doesn't want to hear from her and that it was a massive mistake, he never sent anything like that to her directly (though I'm sure her H has shown them to her, but knowing it was meant to prove stuff to her H it won't have the same effect). So though dp is happy for me to take them to Oxfam I really, really want to post them back to her - at work, so it doesn't wind up her H - to show dp doesn't want any reminder of her in our home and they now have no romantic significance. Dp thinks she'll tell her H and the harassing will start again, though if it does I've said I'll deal with it. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to send a message and prove a point here?