do you ever feel that no matter how much you love your dh you will never "get " where he is coming from?

[deaconblue]

I sort of thought that the longer we were together the more I would grow to understand where he's coming from and him me but I really think despite loving him, finding him funny, loyal etc etc I just will never really "get" him. I can really imagine us in our 80's still bickering over the tiniest things that are born of not understanding one another.

Go to Relate.

really? we don't argue just bicker a lot over little things. I thought perhaps it was just a man/woman thing to not properly understand your partner?

No. Understanding your partner, and he/she understanding you, is a crucial part of a successful relationship.

i think having a different opinion on something is fine - it's how you get around that hurdle and how you communicate during a disagreement that is paramount

constant bickering would do my head in - sorry

we do often sit down and have proper "get things out in the open" talks and then each of us genuinely tries hard to deal with whatever had been annoying the other one. I think part of it is because we had both been single and living alone for a good 10 years before we met so are very set in our ways

Shoppingbagsundereyes - I "get" where you are coming from!

Same here.

Why can't I make him see how much harder and more complicted he makes his life (and mine as a knock on effect) by living with his head in the sand.

Why can't he see how unfair life is to us and that we could change it?
I just don't understand his perspective.

Can very rarley talk to each other in adult conversation. Nearly always ends in bickering/ends before bickering starts etc.

Thought this was normal for many years. Now realising it's not. I'm just so tired.

Have both agreed to councelling....but now can't afford it

You need to make that dialogue about how you feel about things permanent - you need to talk about stuff that happens to you (both inside and outside your relationship) and how you feel about it daily, not as an "occasion". Relate can help you get that dialogue going.