Quick marriage! what would u do?

[anuvaname]

Me and DP got engaged may last year and was planning on getting wed next year 2010, but recently had after personal circumstances my DP is going to prison. Will be sentenced mid Feb,prob looking at a year and half with good behaviour.
He earlier mentioned going to Las Vegas or registry office and getting wed before his sentencing date then have a big doo when he gets out. I thought he was joking but he wasnt,i cant stop thinking about it now. Maybe we should wait so theres something to look forward to.
What would u do? what do u think?

FWIW my aunt married a man about to be sent down for GBH swore blind it was miscarriage of justice etc ( she had worked in the probabtion service so should have known better) 3 years down the line (post sentance)divorced on the grounds of his agressive and abusive behaviour to her, her 70 something year old mother and her son.

Don't hurry it if he's right he'll wait...

yeh i know the diff between gbh and verbal abuse if thats what u mean

He went to prison for driving while disqualified? How long for?

In answer to your question, I'd wait. Why not have a wedding as a commitment that he really is putting the past behind him?

Interesting first post.

A name changer not a new poster.

Okay.

their convictions gt red out in court.
No i wasnt in the car

I hope your child wasn't either when he was driving irresponsibly.

No

First of all to answer the OP, I think you should wait until your man has got out of prison, because if you have a rush job wedding before hand you won't enjoy it as much. Also planning a wedding whilst he serves his sentence will make the time alone easier on you as you will have so much to look forward to. Then when he comes home you can both start afresh with your daughter.

To my second point, it astounds me how many people are being so judgmental on this thread. Only the OP knows the circumstances of the incident and what her DF is like as a person, so maybe it would have been more polite to have answered her question without patronising her by making insulting assumptions about her partner.

In life things are rarely black and white, more like many shades of grey. Aren't people supposed to post on these forums to get friendly advice?

I think my point was that gbh is a serious offence..and to be convicted of it fairly serious intent needs to be seen by the court. I have no understanding how an innocent man defending himself would end up with a GBH conviction.
I'm questioning how much you really know about this offence??
Is he appealing?
Driving convictions become spent after a period of time so I'm unsure why it was read out in court...and wouldn't have been taken into consideration in sentencing

well if you are 100% sure then it really doesn't matter when you do it. do it before he goes in to show your love, or do it when he comes out as something to look forward to.

but - it does sound to me like you are very defensive. and that says to me that you are not 100% sure. only you know and my advice is to be very honest with yourself.

either way, i hope it works out for you.

Thank you greeneyedgirl exactly what i was trying to put across!

ok then seeing how you asked for opinions

wait until he serves his sentence and then see how you both feel

in a few years time you might be amazed at how different you are as a person
I know that when I was younger what I thought was a goer at 20 was out of the bloody question at 23

I bet you would not be 'straight out of there' if he hit you.

Sorry, but I bet you would be in shock the first time, so upset and distressed and shocked that although you wanted to wave a magic wand and make everything better, you'd be paralysed, through fear, lack of energy, motivation, self-esteem.... You'd be lucky if you got out within two years of the first time you were hit. This is what I now know to be true, I was lucky to walk away. I was educated, confident, had a supportive family, friends who would have put me up.... and yet I was still unable to 'get straight out of there' the first time I was hit.

Just so you know how it is.

Wait till he gets out, it will give him something to look forward to and you will also get a chance to see whether prison does change him. depends where he is sent as much as anything... For the record, I used to work in a court and I have seen some ridiculous verdicts by juries. many of the people on them couldn't even read out the swearing in oath without help so I never had much faith in them. verdict also depends on what sort of law firm you can afford... Hope it shocks him so he stays out of trouble again. Are they making him do anger management / conflict resolution courses? Might help??

IIRC, GBH is a lot different from ABH, resulting in more serious injuries, ie broken bones etc. And it must have been very serious for him to be sentenced, there are usually fines/community service routes to go down.

Agree you should wait, planning a wedding over the next 18 months will help pass the time and help you confirm this is what you want rather than rushing into a day that you may regret later on.

I think you should speak to him regarding him getting some sort of counselling whilst he's in there and whatever else is on offer (anger management etc).

More than anything, you need to put your and dd's needs first.

I think you do sound young and SOME of the posters on here are being really really judgey. Not everybody is the same.

Whether or not he is going inside you need to think that you are going to be away from each other for a while and people change, and you do sound quite young (the text speak and all that malarky). So think about it this way - just imagine if say, he was going away to work abroad for 18 months. People change in diferent environments. You will change, you will become more independent and self sufficient, you will mature and your other half will have time to think, but on the other hand prison may (and often does) make people worse.

So. Deep breath. Keep loving him - he has NOT HIT YOU and I am not going to tar him as a wife beater and nor should you, based on a few opinions. Just DO NOT get married yet.

Wait until he is out for at least 6 months and decide then if you both feel the same.

I was adament that despite my xp having a history of fighting he would never ever hit me.

6 years and a fair few scars later i left.

you say its his past...but clearly it isn't. its what he is like today.

and you comment "this was a case of bad luck due to witnesses " no it is not bad luck that there were witneses that saw him violantly assualt someone!

it is lucky for the rest of the law abiding community thathe is being locked up