Mothers-in-law

[beebs]

Antonia

Count yourself lucky your mother in law is so keen on your offspring. I've had a rocky relationship with mine over the years, my chief gripe being that she appears not to be that interested in her grandchildren (two dds, 2 and 6)and does not actually enjoy buying toys for them because she cannot relate to children playing.

Things are better as they get older and I realise the problem is that she does not know how to play or imagine herself into a child's position.

I hate to say this last bit, but as your precious offspring grows older he or she will cast wooden toys aside and positively adore the plastic ones. Sorry, but there it is. In the end, however many wooden toys you supply, he or she will make his/her own mind up. I suggest letting the relationship between grandmother and grandchild blossom in its own way - you are lucky.

charliesmummy, that is some sick story! At least you are not the only one to have married into the family and have this person as a MIL. If 4 our of her 5 children have no contact with her, it sounds like their partners have similar tales to tell.

I'm reading all this with interest as I became a MIL on Saturday! If/when I want to annoy my new DIL I know exactly where to come for ideas, tee hee! Actually, I think we'll get along fine as she's a lovely girl and we're so happy to welcome her into our family. Not sure how she feels, though, now she has discovered that not only does she have PIL's but she has become joint guardian with my DS to my two young daughters, as well!

Hey, SueDonim, how did the wedding (and all that) go???
(And I think your new DIL is Really Lucky!)

Thanks Lill - but thats not the half of it and if we all meet up I will tell you all the stories that even my best friend is still in shock about!! truly awful, his mother is truly awful !!! etc. I just know if they were handing out money for the worst I would win!! there was the funeral where she tried to push her decesased sister's (in the casket) husband into the ground. - I DO NOT KNOW PEOPLE LIKE THIS - VILE.

This sounds like stuff sit coms are made of.
btw did I mention the time my MIL, on arriving at her house, suggested we leave our new first born in the car for a few minutes while she tended to her 3 dogs!

Janh, thank you for asking. We had a wonderful day. It was a small civil ceremony, with 15 of us in total. The bride's parents and sisters all managed to come over from America, which was brilliant! It was cosy and personal and very meaningful. I've never been to a registry office wedding so didn't know what to expect. And now, they are planning their next wedding(!) in the spring, with a blessing and reception/farewell party for everyone, before the Happy Couple troop off to America to set up home.

And I will try to be a good MIL, I promise! I've seen the trauma my mother and MIL caused and I know how much it hurt, even though it worked out okay in the end.

Charliesmummy, I bow to your greater suffering! I really admire people who cope with it, I still struggle not to let her get to me.

I know some of you really suffer at the hands of your in-laws, but this is a hilarious thread. I so loved the individual head torch gifts - what was that woman thinking of????
I think the whole unwanted gift thing is actually a key part of family politics. I am convinced that there are people out there who deliberately buy unsuitable presents, just to get up the noses of their relatives. I have a big box under the stairs where I squirrel away unwanted gifts, which slowly make their way to raffles, white elephant stalls etc. My dh is convinced that this is a dreadful thing to do and that all gifts should be kept no matter how ghastly but I think life's too short and storage is too limited to fill the house with rubbish.

I read once where if it's a family heirloom thats really awful, you should check with everyone to find out who wants it. If noone comes forward then you can either give it away to charity or sell it and buy something you really like to remind you of the original gift giver! Can you imagine the ructions that could cause!? Now, let me see, where did I put that wincyette nightie...!

Bugsy, you are so right! Boy, did I feel liberated when I realised I could get rid of presents I didn't like to charity shops! You can often judge what people really think about you by the gifts they give you. Superficial gift = superficial relationship! And if they don't bother to wrap it or write a card - well they can't care very much can they.

I have deliberately kept out of this conversation until now even though my mil is pretty bad (as mil's go) because for some reason, I thought she might see it and recognise me! Probably highly unlikely.
Anyway, this unwanted gift thing is one of my problems with her. She spends SOOO much money on absolute rubbish for us all. Buys far too much for the kids and most of it is expensive tat. As for us, well, this year I was practically putting the presents straight from the wrapping paper into the charity bag. I felt guilty about this in previous years and so would keep them stashed away and then get rid of them at a later date but I have realised, like Bugsy, that I don't have the room for it all in my house or in my life generally.

do the do !!!! with my dh best friend 19 years ago .... an 18 year old boy ........... dh discovered them in the conservatory - just thought I would keep the full and complete horror of my MIL still shining on .... and we don't cope with her, that is why we have absolutely no contact, its so much each just to hear about the soap opera that is her life, and no the sun on her planet is not big and yellow, it can't be.

I had a terrible experience recently, MIL has given us some truly terrrible things for our child and I took them to the charity shop. MIL then came to stay and to my horror, as I went out to collect her from the train, I saw this display in the window of these things! I nearly died and rushed into the shop and begged them to change the display for 2 days as my MIL would see them. ( we lived above the shop!) Anyway, by the time I got back from the station with the MIL, all was hidden. Following day however, there was one offending item in the window (stuffed ugly bunny) and she saw it and said isn't it strange, it looks just like the one she gave our child. I then had to endure a terrible 24 hours petrified in case she asked where our one was!

Jessi - that could have been messy!

tonight-BBC2 programme about uncluttering your house

Just watched it - didn't know whether to cringe for her or give her a hug!! Husband says we could do that, and is still chuntering to himself when I told him it took us 15 years to get our first skip!! He says he has issues! (Too much Jerry Springer, more like!)

I uncluttered my life, to an extent. I did it in the way shown on the programme BUT unfortunately everything I didn't want/use got put in a storage unit. It's now costing me £70 per month to have things I don't want looked after by someone else. Now, if the programme had had some tips on that...

My MIL story, getting back to the thread, was that there was a great drama around Christmas about us not getting them any presents last year (we were on holiday last Xmas and so were they). We're only just on speaking terms again and when she visited a few weeks ago my small son sat on her knee. He's just started toilet training and wasn't wearing a nappy. My inner voice was saying "please wet, please wet..." Ooo-er, nasty me!!

I might have to change my nickname after this - but I deliberately got my mil a present that I knew she wouldn't like at Christmas time! Meeeouw.

When I was pregnant my MIL telephoned her son (my Dh) and told him a list of things that I MUST NOT DO whilst pregnant and a list of things that I MUST DO. One of the "Dont's" was that he must tell me not to continue to dye my hair whilst pregnant (which is one thing), but she then went on to say "you do know that she dyes her hair, don't you" I get almost hysterical with laughter even now.

CAM - She sounds like a little gem! My MIL couldn't wait to tell me how fat I still looked 4 days after giving birth to 1st ds.

Apologies to Scummymummy, who could improve on this.

Mothers-in-law.
What are they for?
Washing the windows
And cleaning the floor?

But no, you cry,
Leave me alone.
I?d rather be doing it
On my own.

So she takes a back seat
And keeps out of your hair.
And now you complain
She just doesn?t care.

She buys you presents
That get up your nose,
Like Yardley?s talc
And tan panty-hose.

So where should she live
This mother-in-law?
As close as possible,
Right next door?

Oh no, that?s no good,
She?s right in the way,
Popping to see you
5 times a day.

2 hours away?
That sounds alright.
But, oh no, she?s now got to
Stay overnight.

Australia then,
Or Bombay or Kowloon?
But she visits at Christmas
And stays until June.

There?s only one answer
To all this frustration.
That?s a lengthy sojourn
On a distant Space Station!

But look to the future
And see what?s in store.
Well, no, that can?t be,
You?re a Mother-in-Law!

(courtesy of the killer flu bug currently decimating the North West, which has kept me inside all week!)

Cfr, thats fantastic!! Really really clever and very funny at the same time. (great rhythm too!)

Cfr - great stuff!

At this rate Justine & co are going to be able to produce the Mumsnet Book of Verse. LOL cfr, just the thing for working late on a rainy Friday night.