Mothers-in-law

[beebs]

Antonia

Count yourself lucky your mother in law is so keen on your offspring. I've had a rocky relationship with mine over the years, my chief gripe being that she appears not to be that interested in her grandchildren (two dds, 2 and 6)and does not actually enjoy buying toys for them because she cannot relate to children playing.

Things are better as they get older and I realise the problem is that she does not know how to play or imagine herself into a child's position.

I hate to say this last bit, but as your precious offspring grows older he or she will cast wooden toys aside and positively adore the plastic ones. Sorry, but there it is. In the end, however many wooden toys you supply, he or she will make his/her own mind up. I suggest letting the relationship between grandmother and grandchild blossom in its own way - you are lucky.

Oh Bee, I do know what you mean, but after an early January of exchanging three identical Duplo kits, trying to persuade a cross toddler to wear a really demeaning "designer" hat and taking a toothbrush (old) and bleach to our grouting (after non-toxic bath paints incident) I'd give anything for an extended family that sent cheques instead. Of course it is kind of them to remember our son!

tiktok, the smarties story, the tights story - LOL!

This thread is so funny, everyone - sorry - don't mean to laugh at your problems, honestly.

Another friend's MIL told her she was sure her bottom had got much bigger since she last visited! This to a woman who is so fit she could crack walnuts between her thighs! Obviously, when you become a MIL you have a courtesy by-pass as well as the operation that means you don't go to the toilet any more either! Except when it would most inconvenience the maximum amount of people present. Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble ...etc!

Suedonim - first a MIL, then you know the next step...................GRANNY!

LOL, Mooma! Not much fear of that happening yet. My son and DIL had planned on waiting five yrs before starting a family. But now, after spending a week in the company of my five yr old DD, they think 15 or 20 years is soon enough.

Bee, I know that our childen just get money from relatives so in the run up to Xmas I buy suitable presents when I see them and label them, pocketing the dosh when it rolls in. This year we gave DD a dolls house. Knowing she would get lots of cash, we also bought furniture and that was from Nanna, aunty etc. It needs a note to be kept, though, of what you've bought!

Bee - have to say that I would much rather have received cheques than all the presents my baby got for his first Christmas, it is probably a bit different when children get older but they absolutely do not need so many presents, why not put it into their savings account - I am sure they would have had enough gifts to open on Christmas day.

Am now feeling guilty as for years I have always sent my neices/nephews & godchildren cheques !!

Bee, I agree with Lindy - I don't think you have to actually buy a present with the cheques you get beforehand, you can just put the money in the child's savings account. Or you can "allocate" something you had already bought as being from godparent A, godparent B, brother, parents or whoever, and still put the money into the child's account.

If you are anything like me you will buy them too many things at Christmas anyway (I usually end up stashing 2 or 3 presents for later) and this way you can salve your conscience!

Bee, why not spend the money on a night out for you and dh?

Just kidding.

Jasper - what a great (if wicked idea!!!

When my MIL was alive she gave me a cardigan in snot green - it truly was awful. I just about managed to look pleased and thank her then shoved it in the cupboard. About a year after her death I went through the loft throwing things out together with all the clothes we never wore only to find dh retrieved it from the bag and hid it. When I found it he said it was for sentimental reasons he was keeping it. He always has an excuse - he normally hides things in the garage as there is less chance of me finding it down there!

I have to tell this story about my in-laws this Xmas. They rang up a few days before (!) to ask what the kids wanted. They wanted to spend £30 per child, which with 5 children was £150 and they just didn't need anything, so we asked for cinema vouchers. On Xmas day no presents or vouchers appeared until after the children had opened their presents then m-i-l appeared downstairs with a handful of envelopes and said she supposed she should wrap them, did we have any paper? This was 11 o'clock on Christmas morning!

We've started using money given to the kids for trips out, and theatre visits, which would be really expensive otherwise.

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Whilst grouching about MILs a couple of days ago, one of the ladies present tells us that when her MIL gives grandchild a present, she then takes it home with her so it can only be played with if they go to her house!!

What on earth happens to some women that they become like this?! Mine still hasn't spoken to me and she's coming to stay the night on Saturday when we all go together to a Burns Night. Should be very interesting! I really didn't want to let everyone know where the children REALLY got their stubbornness from, but hey ho it's in a good cause - my sanity!!!

I like the giving a present then taking it home again!! That is the best way I have found to solve the issue of c**p toys! At my MIL we have a toy box (well a cardboard one) full of all the junky broken plastic rubbish she has given us. My DD loves it, and I get rid of the tat.

Seriously though my MIL also took the biscuit this year, DH and I were talking to her about what he was getting me for christmas, a food proceeser, and she said, 'OH NO you don't want one of those, you need a hand held one'. I said 'no I really want a proper one, I have the hand held one' On chistmas day, what did she get me... A hand held blender thingy!!

She also accused me of always wanting expensive gifts when I suggested she got DH a portable CD player. This was the women who bought us both torch light things that fit on your head!

Crunchie you ungrateful hussy, what about when you get power cuts?
We have the reverse problem: my MIL is such a toy snob that all the stuff she has (kindly, of course) provided at her place is so worthy and wooden as to be a bit of a turn-off. Toddler son much prefers targeting knee-high curio cabinet (on spindly Georgian legs, full of hideous but apparently expensive knick-knacks...)

Why do in-laws have to buy noisy presents?

I've long since decided that if anyone buys a noisy present it stays at THEIR house.

I agree with Jasper re excess gifts. My dd has clothes and toys passed on from 4 cousins, but still gets more every Xmas and birthday. My husband thinks that the only gifts you should give to grown-ups is either music, books or alcohol.

I have to say though, given the original subject of this thread, that my mother in law is my best friend. I can talk to her about anything, enjoy going out for a drink with her, and they frequently make a 500 mile round trip to stay with us for a weekend. Neither of my husband's parents were ever particularly baby-orientated, but they dote on their grand daughter. Thye always arrive with really thoughtful presents, but try not to spoil her, and would never give her sweets or chocolates or anything without asking me.

I do have a grandmother-in-law though, who this year gave me a hideous lace thing to hang in your bathroom to put toilet rolls in. The worst thing is, we all open our presents together, so I had to pretend to look pleased! (My MIL gets several tea towels from her every year, despite having had a dishwasher for years.)

Mine has just phoned my beloved to see if she should bring her own sheets for tonight!! My friend was here when DH answered phone and he caught the stunned look on her face - it said more to him than I ever could!! Yes, sonny boy - it's not just your wife being over sensitive!!!

did i already tell you that a friend's MIL brings her own bottled tap water when she comes to stay?! AAAArgh!! I hope you'll all come visit me in the funny farm, I'm sure I'm headed that way!!

Funny how this topic has run for so long - It is so nice to know I'm not the only one with a mother in law from hell. Every year she asks what the kids want and then totally ignores our suggestions. This year the kids were given 1 pressie to open before lunch, A received sweets and was promptly told not to eat them as it was lunch time - she had to sit and watch the other 2 play with their toy (plastic and crappy). They were all then sent into the garage to play on an inflatable and promptly smacked their heads/faces on the concrete floor. What makes all this even worse was that i was only offered 1 glass of wine for the entire day!

Oh my goodness, how I long to tell you all about my monster-in-law! Suffice to say that she brings her own sheets, towels and food when they come and stay! The latest comment about my son's nursery was that he was probably running the risk of contracting BSE from the meat they used. When I pointed out that the food was mainly vegetarian, she nodded wisely...yes, that must because it is cheaper and they save money! Grrr, at least I usually win in my mil one upmanship conversations!

My mother in law - well to start with she offered dh money not to marry me. Would phone (MY house not his, my house) in the middle of the night to speak to 'MY SON', write me letters suggesting recipes to 'cook with the cheaper types of meat that she suspected that I bought, suggested I give him Complan to build him up, and offer detailed sexual advice (gross) that she knew he liked - sick sick sick and sicker and so not true, but so devisive to even alude to it. So was not invited to the wedding, and that was all 11 years ago.

Even now my husband not a man of many words is not bothered about it, which I find odd. She had 5 children and 2 miscarriages in 7 years and I think (no expert) suffered PND and phycosis and has never got over it and in the short term resulted in abusive behaviour and many years later has manifested itself in this weird world that she lives in.

Sadly all but one of her children have absolutely no contact whatsoever. So we have some explaining to do when ds starts asking. I always try and imagine if 4 of my 5 children had moved away and had new lives and children of their own and wanted nothing to do with me, I cannot imagine it. And no we are not looking for a researcher to The Trisha show!!.

sorry Tia but I think Charliesmummy won this time!