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Original poster

Started seeing a new lad, have no idea how interested he is and its driving me mad!

98 replies

allgonebellyup · 07/01/2009 16:43

We've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, he is younger than me (23 to my 29)and he lives at home with his parents.
We have slept together twice already (ooops!)and i really like him.
When we are together he is really affectionate, always kissing me/my hair, and holding my hand etc.

Then when we are apart he never texts or calls me at all. If i text him first he will nearly always reply and if i call he will happily chat on the phone.
But if i leave it up to him i dont hear a thing!!
Its doing my head in, i dont know if i am just a quick fling or if he really likes me?

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 09/01/2009 17:43

Nah, forgot to add, he pulled out of tonight due to lack of transport and money , and also my babysitter pulled out too.

But still on for tomorrow, we were meant to be going for a posh meal but he just texted to say he cant afford it, but can we still meet up?
(our meeting up involves me driving to his village to pick him up)

What do ya reckon?

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 17:54

oh i don't know what to say really
can you just have a nite in with a dvd/vino?
can you cook dinner?
or maybe not see him at all this w/e?
it might give him the push to show you how keen he is to keep things going?
i know its hard
but maybe he needs to do a little more chasing
have you any er more options?

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 09/01/2009 20:04

ooh what do options entail??
Other blokes?? there is one fishing around but i have met him and i dont really fancy him as much as this one.

yeah he said he is happy to stay in and help me cook...but he is job hunting tomorrow so may not see much of him?

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Original poster
allgonebellyup · 09/01/2009 20:05

i know he cant do next weekend or during the week so it'll have to be tomorrow really..and i need some sex GODDAMMIT!!!

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 20:33

hehe!!
you and me BOTH lol!!
so did you meet this bloke on line then?

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 09/01/2009 21:00

Yes, well on the Facebook Zoosk thing, he just sent me a flirt and was emailing me loads just before xmas, and we met on Boxing day for first time, albeit very briefly!

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 21:13

god you don't waste time lol!!
where do you want to take things?

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 09/01/2009 22:00

i have no idea!!
he is quite young for me, and lives with his parents, and as of this week, is unemployed. What prospects, huh?!!

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/01/2009 22:14

it depends what you want
some company and fun and sex
or all of those things and a relationship
if you're having these thoughts then maybe he isn't right for you

duke748 · 09/01/2009 23:23

Glad things seem to be going well for you.

But am I allowed to say that reading this thread makes my brain ache. You want him to text, then twenty minutes later you don't want to be with him as its too much hassle, then another twenty minutes later you are waiting for the next text. First the weekend is on, then its not on, then its on again. Phew - am knackered just reading it!

Its definately an insight into another world for me- and I'm the same age as you!

I am not judging at all, each to their own. It just reinforces to me the feeling that dating today is a bloody minefield as there are girls and guys who want totally different things. Some people want to be in contact all day long, some want to talk once a week, some want to meet once a month.

Its a nightmare finding someone who wants the same kind of things as you, let alone worrying about moving at the same pace as well! Its no wonder its so bloody difficult!

As I said, I hope you have fun!

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 13/01/2009 20:14

just to update; we spent the whole weekend together, went to the pub where he got to meet some of my mates. he told his family about me.
but now i am again doing the not contacting him thing again, and this time he really hasnt texted me for over a day!!
So pissed off, with myself really. i just never know where i stand.
how many days do i leave it - 2,3, 7??

and Duke, you're right, it isbloody mentally exhausting. i am trying to play it cool, and thank GOD i am rushed off my feet at work at the mo so i only have time to dwell on it in the evenings...

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Original poster
allgonebellyup · 13/01/2009 20:16

ooh, reading that back to myself, a day isnt long at all.
but am just used to lots of contact then its weird when it suddenly stops cos i stop sending the first text.

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honestfriend · 13/01/2009 21:10

Have you thought of asking him or talking to him about what type of contact you both want?

If you can have sex, then surely you can open up about this?!

I think you need to decide what sort of relationship you want with him- casual or not.

You come over as a bit needy- by that I mean you seem to panic if you don't hear from him for a day. Is this because you lack confidence and self-esteem, and need to know he is thinking about you, or because you genuinely like him and want the relationship to blossom?

Are you like this in all your relationships or is it just with him because of the age gap?

Maybe you can let him off the hook a bit, by stating your expectations and seeing if they are the same as his: "send me a text over the next day or two- or phone me in a couple of days"- so you set the boundaries and get some control back.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 13/01/2009 21:23

this is all really weird to me - normally in my relationships before it was me who wore the trousers and my partners who chased me.

i have never come across as needy before but i know i do now. Had a really nasty 18mths, and now i have been rejected several times by varioius men and it makes me feel worse every time.

We were really close at the weekend, he got a bit drunk and was saying how much he likes me etc. to be honest i am sick of feeling so up and down, i would rather be single.

i hate feeling so needy as that is against everything i believe in.

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Original poster
allgonebellyup · 13/01/2009 21:24

various

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 13/01/2009 21:35

a day is nothing really if you're honest
yes know its hard esp as sex involved
but you've said it yourself you were once used to being chased
so try to let him do some chasing

chocaholic73 · 14/01/2009 13:11

Been following your thread with interest. I think you're getting worked up over nothing. It comes over loud and clear that this guy is really interested in you and you want to keep it that way. He probably has no idea that you feel he should be texting you as often as you would like. Guys are not the same as we females and their minds don't work in the same way. Being rather a lot older than you, I have spent many a time waiting for the home phone to ring (no mobiles, texts or emails in my day!) and I can sympathise but I think you are worrying over nothing and you should just enjoy being with this guy from time to time and see how things develop. Have fun!!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/01/2009 13:45

chocaholic
don't you think its all much harder now in the mobile age?
like alot of 30 somethings they didnt exist when i went thru all this first time round
and god throw into the mix your average now divorced/separated man of the same age and quite frankly its a recipe for bloody disaster IMO
but yes agbu
just relax and enjoy

chocaholic73 · 14/01/2009 14:16

yes you may well be right asbm! We now live in an age of instant contact which makes things much harder, plus as you say more second time around relationships doesnt help either.

ginnny · 14/01/2009 14:17

I don't know if I'm feeling at all the thrilling new relationship stuff or just glad that I don't have to go through that whole waiting for the phone to ring situation anymore.
Actually its definitely
It sounds to me like he is very keen on you, but you are having doubts about him.
As a long term partner he doesn't sound much of a catch (young, unemployed, living with parents) but for a fling he sounds great.
So why not let it be a fling and try not to analyse it all too much.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/01/2009 14:24

or is it that men of a certain age are just BLOODY CLUELESS

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 14/01/2009 20:10

ok, im glad you both said i am making a fuss over nothing.. i dont think it comes over loud and clear that he is very keen though!!

i am such an impatient person, i find the whole waiting thing very hard!!

And i know he is away with friends this weekend so it will have been a fortnight since we've seen each other - not that long, i know!!!!

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Original poster
allgonebellyup · 14/01/2009 20:13

ginny, believe me, there is nothing to be of!

some of it is exciting but mostly it is all gut wrenching stuff!!
Though actually when he was here at the weekend he stayed in bed til 1pm and that really pissed me off, the he spent all afternoon slagging off people in the papers. Did my head in!!!

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/01/2009 20:16

it doesnt mean that you have to stay in this week end thou
go out and enjoy yourself if you're able to
or invite some friends round to yours for a girls night

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 14/01/2009 20:38

oh dont worry, we already have a big night out planned for friday night! plus i am out tomorrow night too. plus exhausted as Ofsted inspsectors have been in our school today and also tomorrow!!

(he sent me a text saying all will be brilliant as he's sure i am excellent at my job!)

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