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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

so 3 weeks ago he told me he didnt fancy me yet last night he kissed me....HELP!!!!

66 replies

cheekysealion · 27/12/2008 20:20

because i dont understand what is happening...

he told me this 3 weeks ago i accepted it we have since spent some lovely evenings together (including last night) and he kissed me

I have been single for 3 years so please be gentle with me

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 20:24

so sorry seem nosey but you'll have to elaborate so I can help

RumMum · 27/12/2008 20:25

well....was it the sort of kiss you give your gran... or a proper snog.... with tongues!

UnfortunatelyMe · 27/12/2008 20:26

Is this your friend from years ago? I think you need to talk to him..

beanieb · 27/12/2008 20:27

was drink involved

aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 20:34

oh come on spill!!

cheekysealion · 27/12/2008 20:36

no drink involved...

spent last sat night together all cosy on the sofa with him spoiling me stayed till 4am nothing happened but i felt it could have.

same last night and he made the move proper snog

he is friend from school who i had chemistry with but nothing ever happened we got in touch a while ago and i told him i still had feelings for him ie fancy him, he said he didnt fancy me...

please ask any other info needed

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 20:37

don't leave us all hanging like this lol!!

lou031205 · 27/12/2008 20:40

I had exactly that relationship with what I thought was my best friend.

We have been married nearly 7 years now

beanieb · 27/12/2008 20:44

OK - I don't know.

Is he a nice guy, was he a player in school? Do you know anything about him which might paint him a bad light or as 'not serious boyfriend' material?

To be honest I think someone saying they don't find you attractive (did he really use those words!!!?) is mean to start with, there are better ways to let someone down. In the other hand you thought he was being honest and appreciated his honesty so I can see how him now snogging you has thrown a complete spanner in the works.

What are your Instincts?

cheekysealion · 27/12/2008 20:48

LOU- tell me more please

he did use the words i dont fancy you and i agree he could have let me down a bit more gently but i did admire his honestly... and thought ok it is great to be back in touch lets just enjoy each others company..

he is def not a player..i truly know that

I do know he has been very badly hurt by a few women and i think it has affected him quite badly from what i can gather...

OP posts:
cheekysealion · 27/12/2008 20:49

my instinct is telling me that we are back in each others lives for a reason.. and quite possibly we have been given another chance.. and whatever level that may be i am glad we are back in touch

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 20:52

so if drink wasn't involved..?

lou33 · 27/12/2008 20:54

you need to tell him to make up his mind and stop giving you mixed signals

it's not fair on you

solidgoldstuffingballs · 27/12/2008 20:54

Erm, had he been drinking? SOmetimes people get more physically affectionate after a couple of babychams than they would stone cold sober.

If he found you revolting he would probably not be on your sofa till 4am - maybe when he initially said that he didn't fancy you (and it depends a bit what he did say.... - was it more 'I think of you as a dear friend and have lots of respect for you' or more 'Sorry, the thought of shagging you makes me scream and claw my own face off?')

There are lots of possibilities here. ONe is, of course, that he has recently been dumped or split up with someone and is therefore doing the 'I am not coming on to you' line as a sort of reflex thing - he is still in shock from the last relationship and doesn't want to start a new one yet - but he likes you therefore he kissed you.

Or he could be thinking 'Well, I could do with a shag and she'll probably let me have one.'
Or 'I'll say I'm not interested then she will work harder to win me...'
Or he could be a nice bloke who doesn;t really know what he wants and just had an impulse to give you a kiss.

Basically, assess him on his actions not his words, spend time with him if you want to, but give yourself something to think about and care about other than him/Having A Relationship. It might work, it might not, but hanging about analysing every word is not a healthy way to go on - and it isn;t attractive, either.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 20:58

So what do you want to happen now?are you interested in having a relationship with him?

cheekysealion · 27/12/2008 21:02

i would like something if it is there to develop slowly.... i have been single for a very long time and badly hurt before that...

I am just so confused and trying my hardest not to over analyse it as i dont want my hopes shattered... it has been a bit of a roller coaster of emotions but the time we have spent together has been so special

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MoreSpamThanGlam · 27/12/2008 21:04

sorry to say this...could he be gay and confused about his feelings?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 21:04

being nosey again..what's his history?

cheekysealion · 27/12/2008 21:07

i am not clear on his history.. i know 2 women have been unfaithful to him,.. because he asked me if i had ever been unfaithful to anyone...

Gay?????

OP posts:
lou031205 · 27/12/2008 21:07

I must admit we were young (I was 17, he 20). We were just friends, but I was falling in love with him. I never shared my feelings, because I thought there was no way it would be reciprocated.

We were at a party, and we were talking. He asked me if I had feelings for him. I had no choice but to admit it. He said that he wasn't attracted to me, and that he would never feel that way. I was hurt and embarrassed, but not surprised. I lacked a lot of confidence.

We were friends for at least a year after that, and he had girlfriends in between. I continued as normal. I distanced myself in the end to preserve my sanity. However, he suddenly started being 'different' in his approach to me.

He was kind and considerate, offering me lifts etc. We went to the cinema one evening, it was cold, and he put his arm around me. I told him not to, because I felt differently to him, and that I couldn't help how I felt. He told me that he thought he felt the same way.

We went out with each other for two years, got engaged, and were married a year later, in 2002, when I was 22& he was 25. Almost 7 years on, we have 2 children and another on the way, due in April.

I am NOT saying that it will always work out this way, just that someone "not being attracted to you" doesn't always mean that. Sometimes, it means "I didn't expect this to happen and I need a bit of space and time."

Shitemum · 27/12/2008 21:08

maybe he's not really sure if he fancies you and thought it would become clearer after he'd snogged you?

cheekysealion · 27/12/2008 21:09

WOW lou what a lovely story... thanks for posting it... it was obviously meant to be

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 21:26

so hes not divorced?has he got children?

cheekysealion · 27/12/2008 21:29

never been married and hasnt got children...

i am now counting the hours till i can see him again it is hard... especially as i have no recent relationship experience

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SleighGirl · 27/12/2008 21:29

Could he just be gagging for it because it's been a while?

TBH your feelings can change over 3 weeks, I certianly didn't fancy my dh when I first met him!

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