so 3 weeks ago he told me he didnt fancy me yet last night he kissed me....HELP!!!!

[cheekysealion]

because i dont understand what is happening...

he told me this 3 weeks ago i accepted it we have since spent some lovely evenings together (including last night) and he kissed me

I have been single for 3 years so please be gentle with me

so more being nosey as its v me!!..how did the two of you meet up again and which one of you has kept it going?

"my instinct is telling me that we are back in each others lives for a reason" were you an item before then? Why did he stop fancying you?

we werent an item before very close to it used to spend lots of time together and there was major chemistry between us..but neither of us acted on it..he told me he was besotted with me back then, he still has some letters i wrote to him!!!!

maybe it wasnt meant to happen back then maybe it wasnt the right time for us... but maybe it is meant to be now who knows what the future holds I am just going to try and take it for whatever it is... and let the future unfold...
Maybe next time we get together we can talk more about it

got back in touch through a friend...

Ah bugger, I thought you meant he told you ages ago that he didn't fancy you but you seem to be saying he said that recently?

ERK, I think go for it, sound it out etc and follow your instinct

There's no 'meant to be'. Believing in the vague concept of some mystical force/creature which makes certain shags/snogs/individuals more significant than others is the sort of thinking that leads to all manner of trouble. Basically enjoy anything good that happens but don't start building your life around it. You might have a good time with the bloke, you might pairbond with the bloke - or you might have a brief good time and it all go horribly wrong, or you might spend weeks or months palpitating and hoping while he is busy shagging lots of other people and either has no idea that you would like A Relationship or simply doesn't want to pairbond with you, hasn't offered to, and will be utterly bemused if you start acting hurt or clingy.

"my instinct is telling me that we are back in each others lives for a reason"

that reason may be as superficial as you both need a shag tho

try not to think too much into why you are back in touch again, and focus more on why he keeps blowing hot and cold on you

tbh i dont think i would give anyone a second chance who said he didnt fancy me, then tried it on

however i am notoriously bad at giving second chances to anyone, so that may just be me

i do think it gives him the green light to treat you however he likes tho, if you were hurt by his comment yet still allow him to get more intimate

thanks everyone some good advice here

really appreciate it it

TBH i was a bit worried he would text yesterday and say sorry about last night it was a mistake etc.. thankfully he didnt he just texted to see if i was ok..

I will just take it however it turns out, i also have lots of barriers up because of past experience.. so i also have a lot to work on

thankyou

lou is right. Be careful. And do analyse, with a cold dispassionate eye.

I still think he sounds manipulative and your reaction makes it seem he chose his target well.

Don't let silly ideas about women 'overthinking' things fool you into underthinking his actions (including his words) and getting hurt.

His bitterness at being hurt by women before is a red flag to me also.

i agree with skidoodle, there is something not right about this, be careful

i also think you shouldnt have to accept anything or how it turns out,you have a right to express your own opinion and tell him what you want

Take things at your own pace and try to keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think about him and what's happened so far.
Like the others who've posted I am a little unsure as to what his motives if any actually are but then I'm totally useless in working men out anyway!!
What I would perhaps add is that maybe for you to be in a better place you might (if you're ready to)need to look at what's happened before in your life and whether you're able to deal with these issues which you still harbour from previous relationships.I think that by doing so you'll be able to look at what's happened in a different light. xx

Yes sealion, do be careful. You are coming across as a bit needy and unfortunately needy people are very attractive to a certain type of predator. This man may well be one of those manipulative types who gets a real pleasure out of messing with a woman's mind, keeping her permanently insecure by blowing hot and cold. My mates and I used to call this type of man a fanny-teaser and they are nasty.

i am thinking the same as solid, sorry to say

(aside from in my circle we call them clit tease )

Oh god lets hope not...
The predator that I knew really messed with my head..and though I don't see him anymore he has still tried things from afar
Keep us posted!!

When I first met my dh I didn't fancy him physically and told him fairly early on (slightly more subtly). I did however really enjoy his company and couldn't quite fight a feeling of wanting to be with him. I think he just wasn't my normal type and as time went by it became less and less important. Eventually that lack of attraction went altogether and changed into deep attraction. It could be all good, but stay cool.

See Catmandu has put a completely different spin on things
Oh the mystery that is men lol!!

like i have said before i am really glad i posted this last night as it has really helped..

Yes i do want to be with him... but i will be very carfull.. I am strong and independent and have happily live for 3 years with no man so i def dont need one (although sometimes would be nice)

Still think the comment was to do with your past with him csl and agree with those who advise caution. He obv does fancy you! Like you I have been on my own for 3 years and there's nothing like a new relationship to take away all the strength you've built up in that time, I have become completely neurotic with mine and that's without any mixed signals on his part - plenty on mine tho lol

Hi Ninah....

i agree witht the new relationship bit i def dont want to go back to where i was emotionally 3 years ago...

I actually really like being on my own... but i also like to have a partner.. and i worry the longer i stay single the harder it will be to let someone into my life...

Men are a mystery to me especially this one..

I phoned my brother today to ask him if he could kiss someone he didnt fancy... He said NO... but then went on to say maybe if drunk in a club... but def not if the person was a friend and it would but the friendship in jepody...

After the kiss i left the room to cool down and get a drink and to give us both a min to think... and i thought i would go back in and he would realise it was not a good idea.. and i sat on the other sofa but he came over and joined me

god you sound v sorted. See how it goes csl, he may well be OK once he relaxes and you get to know each other again. Time will tell, tho that's annoying as none of us want to waste it esp when dc involved.

I will

I kind of always thought that it would be a relationship that may well develop over time.. and was not going to be an instant thing between us... and i find that quite refreshing for a change..

so how are things with you?

Must say still unsure but there again am rubbish with understanding men!!
Have you arranged to meet since?

I am still not sure either... but i wont be taken for a mug..

i will just see what happens..

That's good to hear.But why can't men be so much easier to understand Cheekysealion?

I have gone from swearing off men for a while - and him in particular - to being mad keen, sending soppy texts and generally behaving like a loony bound to end in tears. He doesn't seem to mind but when the Xmas rioja goggles come off I may do lol

Yeah those vino goggles lol!! wearing mine right now..so better keep off the texts!!