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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

randy hubby

26 replies

randyhubby · 25/03/2005 09:01

I know this is going to sound really stupid but my DH is so randy and at night he is always touching me and trying to peel my knickers off, while we are asleep. He starts to deep breath and pushes himself against me. I push him away but he starts up again a while later. I am hardly getting any sleep because of him. We have a good sex life (when we are awake!!) but this is getting to me. Sometimes he is very forceful and actually scares me, one time I thought he are going to actually do it whatever.
I know he would never hurt me, but this needs sorting and I don't know how to deal with it. I wouldn't want to sleep in a different bed, but I think this might have to happen.

OP posts:
Nemo1977 · 25/03/2005 09:18

aww hun i think u need to talk to him and maybe even have a clear sign if u r in the mood for being harrased[being asleep is usually good one..lol. Sorry if im not much help

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 09:25

I have told him and said that I need sleep. He is also asleep when this happens and he doesn't remember anything about it the next day, normally just me shouting at him to leave me alone

OP posts:
BubblesDeVere · 25/03/2005 09:28

sharpen your elbows and jab him a few times quite hard that might wake him, or, push him out of the bed.

Works for me

I do know how annoying it is though when you are absolutely shattered, its the last thing you feel like.

nutcracker · 25/03/2005 09:29

My dp does exactly the same thing, and i get soooooooo sick of having my sleep disturbed several times a night.
He is not as bad as he was because he knows i get really really angry about it, but he will still have a go.

Are you sure he is asleep when he does it though ??? That sounds like an excuse to me.

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 09:30

I am pretty sure he is asleep, as I know he would never be so forceful if he was awake IYKWIM. He doesn't take the lead for sex, he waits till I want it. BUt when he is sleeping he is scary!!

OP posts:
nutcracker · 25/03/2005 09:34

Well wether asleep or awake, he shoudn't be doing it. What about if you tell him that if it doesn't stop he will have to sleep in another bed ?

Blossomhill · 25/03/2005 09:35

I would hate that. Would really give me the creeps, sorry!!!

emmatmg · 25/03/2005 10:00

Sorry to be blunt if my DH did this I'd smack him one.

That'd wake him up!!

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 12:06

I do on a regular basic. Don't know why he just doesn't w*nk off if he is feeling randy in his sleep. I have to push him away once and again a feww seconds later. In the end I hit him and shout at him and he stops, its not always been like this, and I wonder why he has started doing this. It does scare me sometimes tho. One time I thought he was going to do it anyway, and I was shaking afterwards. I had to go and sleep with my DD.

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 25/03/2005 12:11

This may sound strange but I have heard (or rather read) of a sleeping disorder that affects men in this way, ie they have sex in their sleep. All it takes is for them to have physical contact with their partner in bed. Apparantly couples found that to stop this from happening (as it is obviously distressing for the woman if she doesn't want to) was to put a sort of barrier between eachother when sleeping in order to avoid skin contact which seemed to set it off.....
I cannot for the life of me remember what the medical term for the disorder is, but apparantly it is similar night terrors and the guy genuiunely has no recollection of doing this.
Must go and google methinks

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 12:14

Thats sound like it, He only have to roll over and touch my leg or arm and he is off, trying it. I believe he really is asleep as he is embarrassed by it when I say about it the next day.

OP posts:
Newbarnsleygirl · 25/03/2005 12:18

Oh dear my DH has a disorder!

He does this and has done the deed in his sleep and has no recollection at all. It's happened a few times. If he starts harrasing me the only thing that works is a good jab in the arm once or twice followed by a good hard push. If that doesn't work I slap him around the face Harsh I know but it does work and I am the wrong person to wake up in the night. I would have thought he learnt that by now!

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 12:23

Just googled, and its called sleep sex disorder, its can be brought on by emotional stress, which DH has, he also is depressed.

OP posts:
Newbarnsleygirl · 25/03/2005 12:27

What else did it say RH?

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 12:32

NBG its here most of the information is repeated on many sites so there is no point looking at other sites. Does your partner do the same thing? Its scary at times, and I know he isn't like this normally IYKWIM?

OP posts:
Newbarnsleygirl · 25/03/2005 12:34

Yes he does it quite a bit and has no idea. We have actually done it and he still doesn't know! Lol!

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 12:38

we have never had sex when he is sleeping, purely bacuse I don't like sleep in the night because I need my sleep, so he gets a jab, punch or slap!! The time I refer to, he started to touch me up quite forcefully, I pushed him away and turn away from him, he flipped me over and held me down and started do things to me, but he was fast asleep, I managed to get him off me and I left the room, but OMG I was so scared he was going to rape me. When I said to him the next day he has no recollection of it at all....

OP posts:
Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 12:38

should have been "I don't like sex in the night!"

OP posts:
Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 12:39

and I have changed my name for this one, I am a regular poster

OP posts:
Newbarnsleygirl · 25/03/2005 12:42

I would change my name but I can't be bothered!

I wonder what would happen if you gave him a little knee in the ahem area!

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 12:57

dunno, have you tried that one yet??

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Newbarnsleygirl · 25/03/2005 12:59

No but I will next time!

minetoo · 25/03/2005 16:41

My DH does this, but he isn't asleep. I get really angry because I hate being woken up. He won't go to bed when I do, then I get woken up by him fiddling with me. He always says 'you were rolling about' or 'you started it'. I have threatened separate beds because I'm sick of it and I hate the deep breathing that goes with it.

jampots · 25/03/2005 16:59

A friend of dh's sort of does stuff in his sleep (not necessarily sexual) and he once sat astride his wife (and woke her up) before dragging her by the hair into the bathroom. This is something he wouldnt dream of doing whilst awake and I think he once he woke up whilst he was trying to strangle her (not sure if a kick to the b helped wake him up). He gets very upset about it afterwards

Original poster
randyhubby · 25/03/2005 19:59

Its quite scary how many men actually do this sort of thing. I spoke to DH about it today and he said that he doesn't realise that its happening but he is willing to try anything. He asked if I wanted him to move out, of course I said no because I know this isn't something he would dream off doing when awake And he said he would go to the doctors if I think it would help.

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