"My Personal Life is None of Your Business" my H just said this to me.

[albertthegreat]

Have posted about H and what a knob he can be a few times before under other names. It is embarassing otherwise as I am on here quite a bit.

Last night I went to bed, left him watching a film and having a beer. I dropped off and at 12.37 am I heard the front door being opened quietly and him going out. He obviously stood on the other side of it for a while to make sure I hadnt woken up because he didn't lock the second lock for a good few minutes after he went out.

He says he went for a drink in a pub down the road. He was gone for an hour and a half at which time my phone rang and then cut off and it was him, I think he cut the phone off because he perhaps wasn't meaning to call me.

Anyway I confronted him about it this morning and that is what he said to me. I said it was not normal for a man with a family to be sneaking out to the pub at that time of the morning and he said what is in the title.

I feel quite liberated by it actually. He has been an awful husband quite frankly but I put it down to him being young but he is 30 now so I think we need to get beyond that excuse. What do you think of this? Would you assume something was going on? For background information we still have a laugh together but rarely share a bed. He says he wants to make the marriage work because of the kids but he does not act like it.

that is shocking behaviour

have no advice, im sure someone will be along soon, he sounds awful

IMO it seems a very strange time to go to the pub

What is your gut feeling here?

What pubs are open & serving at that time? do you believe him?

I don't beleive a word he's saying tbh>

I don't beleive a word he's saying tbh>

Not normal behaviour for a husband IMO>

Well we live in a big city so chances are somewhere would be open but not sure about the pub at the end of the road, I have been out late before and it has never been open. My gut feeling is he might have gone to meet someone but he flatly denies that and I can usually tell if he is lying. On the other hand he has been known to chat up barmaids and girls in pubs previously so I can never be sure.

I think you are very understanding and tolerant, albert.

Perhaps you need to make some demands of your husband, and insist that he faces up to his responsibilities?

I am not going to speculate on what happened last night, but he certainly needs to know that his behaviour is unacceptable.

Please don't allow him to treat you like this.

Sorry, but he is up to something. Nothing to do with pubs. You say he does not share a bed with you, but likes to chat other women up?
I would be thinking has he got a bit on the side in the next street or something.
You need to get a bug on him or follow him one night without you seing or even get a friend to stake him out and see where he goes.

I am at the stage where I wouldn't really care if he did. His pain in the arse behaviour always stops just short of me being able to say "RIGHT THATS IT!". So if he was up to something like that it would something I could finally tell him to get out with.

I AM very tolerant HumphreyCushion but only because there is not point being otherwise and I have had to detach emotionally from someone who never puts me first. It is hard because we both love our kids, we usually get on ok and as I said have a good laugh together, I can't really put my finger on anything he does that is that bad that I should leave him over. I suppose this would be it though if he is up to something.

He's obviously lying and up to something.
The remedy? Have sex every day with him, 7 days a week. Try this for the next month and then come back on here and report the differences.

ROFL @ Xenia.

(worries that she is being serious)

i don;t think trying to shag him into being a better husband will actually help

he sounds like he is pleasing himself anyway, and giving sex on tap is not going to get to the root of the issue

he is lying, pubs are not open at that time

let him demonstrate he wants to make a go of it

being honest, communicating, listening, repsecting. going to relate

sneaking out does nothing positive

I would be tempted to do the same - get up, sneak out, lock the door behind you.

You could do it now, perhaps leaving teh kids with him and just buggering off for an hour leaving your mobile behind.

Umm no thanks . He sleeps on the sofa when he drinks because he snores otherwise and wakes me and dd up. Thats the only reason he is on there not because I am purposely excluding him.

I was actually hoping that it was advice to get a well paying job. Those posts always make me smile.

In cot by the bed.

..... i'm sure if you asked her x would ALSO suggest you get high flying well paid full time job... (if you dont already have one...) as WELL as taking up non stop sex....

I find it very difficult to be attracted to a man though, who gets very drunk, snores the place down and who, when out chats up other women. But hey maybe thats just me.

Xenia, just when I think you can surprise me no further.......

albert, I really don't think donning your detective hat and fake moustache is going to help.

Nor is a campaign of sex - I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who showed me so little respect, and this is his fault, not yours.

I'm astounded that anyone would think that shagging him half to death is the answer - he is behaving badly, and needs to face up to that.

I think you need to decide what you want from him, and tell him.

Whether he is prepared to grow up and act like a decent husband is another matter.

Well I am glad I have brightened up some Sundays anyway.

I suppose it does sound a bit like a Carry On Film.

It's really sad. I feel sorry for you. That's no marriage, is it? "I'll do what I want and it's nothing to do with you" is not normal between husband and wife.

You could always say "I've been thinking about what you said, about your personal life being none of my business. you are suggesting that we share parenting duties and housework, but lead seperate lives apart from that. I think you are right. We should try that. We should each have a personal life that is none of the other's business. So you can come and go as you please, and so can I, and neither of us will have any right to know what the other has been doing. We won't even ask. As long as we agree fair share of the childcare, of course. And the housework. Since you went out the other night, I am going to go and find myself some fun tonight."

see what he has to say to that!!

• I say this cos ages ago, when I was really unhappy with my husband buggering off out and staying god knows where, I suggested that we co-parent but lead seperate lives, since he clearly didn't wish to be a husband.

He was shocked and did NOT want that. I'm not going to say things got much better but it gave him such a kick up the arse!!! Probably at the thought that I'd start leading a private life too!!

Marvellous idea Xenia - have you read that book by the people who had sex every day for 100 days and reckon it sorted their marriage out by any chance?

I am dubious. Even if I had the energy for a month, r even 100 days (ROFL at the very idea, actually), what then?

Anyway, OP, it sounds as if you've pretty much had your fill? Going out 'for a drink' in the middle of the night isn't normal behaviour, especially in a married man with children. And I'm afraid that his private life is your business.