"My Personal Life is None of Your Business" my H just said this to me.

[albertthegreat]

Have posted about H and what a knob he can be a few times before under other names. It is embarassing otherwise as I am on here quite a bit.

Last night I went to bed, left him watching a film and having a beer. I dropped off and at 12.37 am I heard the front door being opened quietly and him going out. He obviously stood on the other side of it for a while to make sure I hadnt woken up because he didn't lock the second lock for a good few minutes after he went out.

He says he went for a drink in a pub down the road. He was gone for an hour and a half at which time my phone rang and then cut off and it was him, I think he cut the phone off because he perhaps wasn't meaning to call me.

Anyway I confronted him about it this morning and that is what he said to me. I said it was not normal for a man with a family to be sneaking out to the pub at that time of the morning and he said what is in the title.

I feel quite liberated by it actually. He has been an awful husband quite frankly but I put it down to him being young but he is 30 now so I think we need to get beyond that excuse. What do you think of this? Would you assume something was going on? For background information we still have a laugh together but rarely share a bed. He says he wants to make the marriage work because of the kids but he does not act like it.

A good test although some people become more amorous in bed with their spouse when they're playing away as they're generally more sexualised. Others are repelled by their spouse so I don't think it would work as a test.

As for whether people should divorce an adulterous spouse I'm not sure that's the old fashioned way. the old fashioned way is surely to talk it over, ensure it doesn't happen again and work at the marriage and not divorce.

Emotional intimacy often does come from sex so if you fix the physical the emotional can sort itself out although what do I know as I'm single?

Good grief, Xenia. I usually back you up. But having sex with a man you think might be getting a bit on the side is a dreadful suggestion for two reasons:
1- She could get pregnant and be trapped with him for longer.
2- She could catch anything he might have picked up from bitty.

albert, this worries me, as you said you left him watching a film and having a beer.

and yet he says he went out for a drink.

what happened to finishing the beer, realising it's all gone, and going to bed?

after all, it's cheap as chips the next day in the supermarket, and 4/5 times the price in a pub.

doesn't add up, imo.

IF he is meeting someone, I'd be interested in what sort of woman would be prepared to allow a man to drop by at 20 to 1 in the morning? Does sound like someone who works in/ goes to a pub at night. Or he's going to a 'lock-in' at a pub maybe?

critterjitter - or maybe a woman who charges per hour?

Ring the pub and find out if they are actually open for business at 12:45am!!

And then ring the brewery and find out their legal opening hours to double check!

Who, dear? Me, dear? Suspicious, dear? No, dear!!!

Too right I would suspect something was going on, because it's plain ODD.

The pub bit (if pub is open at that time) is JUST ABOUT believable/acceptable(ish), if you close your eyes and cross your fingers. No, it's the additional "personal life" insult that's so and and and far away from the respectful tone that any husband should use with his wife (or viceversa).

I would definitely have had a "showdown". Don't know how you resisted.

JerricaBenton
Sadly, that did cross my mind, but having worked in a pub many moons ago, I do remember quite a few of the bar maids having liaisons after hours with drunken married men. I think (actually I'm sure) the wives probably knew, but the men still got off on all the hush hush, wink wink and intrigue. Which makes me think that the "personal life" comment was more attention-seeking than anything else.

Perhaps the OP should get a nice big bag of his smelly washing ready for the next time he 'pops out.' As soon as he pauses outside the door to lock it, cue her moment to jump out and hand him the bag with strict instructions for his lady friend to make sure she separates the colours from the whites.

Gosh that's dignified critterjitter.

I personally would start by double-locking the door after him and putting the chain on, to force him to knock on loudly and wake the whole house up to get back in.

Just think it might burst his hush hush wink wink secrecy bubble.

Just imagining him standing outside the back door holding a nice bag of smelly washing!

Agee with Xenia's suggestion that you nip out around midnight tonight and tell him it's none if his business if he asks what you are up to.