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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What a LAZY Pig!!! i just want to change the locks! PLEASE someone tell me i am not overreacting...

92 replies

KarisTiasMum · 03/12/2008 10:06

DH's son is the most idle, lazy, sloppy beast i have ever met... and he lives in our house!

examples...

I cleaned his room on sunday (spotless)... now there are macdonalds wrappers, filthy work clothes, every drawer is open, sheets completely off the bed, copper wire (???) completely covering the floor, dirthy mugs and plates everywhere... i could go on. and it SMELLS!

put the cat littler tray in the garden if the cat poos instead of cleaning it out.

stuffs snotty tissues down my sofa, leaves them everywhere.

makes toast on the worktop (no plate) then just goes to work and leaves it for me to clean.

eats then just dumps the plates in the sink or the floor or gets my dd (3) to bring them to me!

spills something and just leaves it...

sits on facebook for every free minute he has, slurrping pints of milk and stuffing his face.

and does not contribute at all to the house financially, and we constantly have to bail him out with money.

oh... and he is 21!!

everyone babies this moron and over praises him when he does bother to do something and it is driving me bloody mental!

i apologise for appearing to be completely rude about SS but i am fuming!

OP posts:

Lurcio · 03/12/2008 13:40

KTM That's exactly the sort of thing you should be doing, after a week of you sprinkling his breadcrumbs into his bed, he may notice!

BitOfFunUnderTheMistletoe · 03/12/2008 13:42

How have you ended up drudging for two men at your age? I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I think the problem lies equally with your DH- why on earth has he asked a lovely young girl to marry him in the full knowledge that she has to share her home with a pig of his own creation? It sounds like something out of a Grimms fairytale....you need to have serious words with your husband and tell him that unless he puts this situation right immediately, preferably by putting his son out to stand on his own two feet, then you won't be sticking around for Christmas. The situation is ridiculous, and I cannot for the life of me see why you signed up for it- you must have known his son was like this, so why let him move with you? Quite seriously, if he doesn't change your living arrangements, I would be getting legal advice on what constitutes unreasonable behaviour- jeez!

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 03/12/2008 13:44

that is really interesting eekamoose.. i never thought of it like that. would taking it away from him be wise?

he does have an addictive personality, addiction has been an issue in his life but something that other than the laptop (?) has not reared its ugly head now for quite a long time...

you could definitly be right though.. thank you.

OP posts:

Miyazaki · 03/12/2008 14:10

I think you sound a bit bonkers. You are the same age as him. You are sprinkling crumbs and marmite in his bed? Telling him when to shower and tidy his room? Controlling his laptop usage? He is his fathers son, and his father is supporting him. His father is supporting you and your child if you don't work. It is up to his father to sort this one out. Not you. His behaviour is pretty normal for a 21 yo ime...

lou33 · 03/12/2008 14:13

what is the other addiction?

eekamoose · 03/12/2008 14:36

I think taking the laptop away from him might cause incredible frustration and possibly rage. You have said it is the thing into which he puts most of his energy. I guess he'll just go out and spend whatever money he has in an internet cafe.

I don't know what to suggest, I'm afraid, other than getting him to see that he is spending a dangerous and damaging amount of time on his laptop, to the detriment of the rest of his life - you say he doesn't have much of a social life, which seems very sad for a 21 year old.

chopchopbusybusy · 03/12/2008 14:40

miyazaki I agree.

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 03/12/2008 15:12

i am not bonkers, i have seriously been driven to this. I am not sure how you guys run your houses but i just dont accept his laziness in mine.
Miyazaki... his father and i both support him, i cannot work but i think i do enough for our family and our house to entitle me to an opinion of someone who is taking the complete piss out of me and my partner, under our roof. and until he starts paying some bills.. i have every right to 'restrict his time on the laptop' which i bought and internet i pay for.
He lived in my house for 1 year, we have recently moved into this one.

now you have suggested the addiction to the laptop eekamoose it may not be such a goodidea to just ban him, may have to have a thin about that first. but thanks for your useful advice! i will definietly look into that

his addiction was drugs.. but i must stress that he has been clean for over a year and is a completely different person now. not a bad person.

OP posts:

lou33 · 03/12/2008 15:13

was it coke? could explain the snotty tissues, sleeping in late etc?

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 03/12/2008 15:22

yes it was... over a year ago though.. would it still affect him like that?

OP posts:

Miyazaki · 03/12/2008 15:23

You have the right to an opinion yes. And to set some house rules agreed with his father. But you don't pay for the internet, his father does. It is his roof too, in the same way as it is your dc's roof. I say again it is up to his father to sort this out with him. As an apprentice I'm sure he gets paid very little, but perhaps a nominal amount a week would help. I'm sure you and your dh would support your dc in learning a trade/going to university/whatever at the same age, and this is what his father is doing by supporting him in this way. You need to stop treating him like a child and then complaining that he is behaving like a child. And again, the way he is behaving is pretty normal for a 21 yo living at home. You are a very unusual 21 yo, but you need to calm down a bit, as apart from anything else I'm sure the more you behave like a harridan the more he enjoys winding you up.

Kewcumber · 03/12/2008 15:26

don;t pay for him to go to Aus - or offer to match anything he can save towards to cost.

I'm afriad you can;t really dictate how tidy/clean he or his room are I think that would be unreasonable.

It is reasonable if he isn't contributing to restrict time on the computer, not do his washing ironing etc

Stop lending him money to get through teh week, doing his washing is ridiculous even if its next to the washing machine when you do your's.

Kewcumber · 03/12/2008 15:30

I have to say I agree with Miyasaki - you appear to each becoming extreme versions of each other just to wind each other up.

I'm very untidy - if anyone nagged me about it I would take great glee in being as untidy as possible...

lou33 · 03/12/2008 15:59

only if he is still doing it

not saying he is but the side effect can be snotty nose (columbian cold), sleeping in late because it keeps you up

would explain his lack of money too maybe ?

MorrisZapp · 03/12/2008 16:20

If he has got festering food in his room he is encouraging mice to come into your home, so you have every right to insist his room is at least clean and not smelly, even if he can't keep it tidy.

21 is way too old for most of the behaviour you describe. This lad needs his backside kicked but it sounds like his dad has to take the initiative there.

TheProvincialLady · 03/12/2008 17:15

I might be totally out of line but I am going to say this.....is this how you wanted your life to be? You are 21, heavily involved in mothering a man of similar age, married to a man old enough to be your father, a young child of your own, fretting over the house being immaculate. There is nothing wrong with any of it (except the 21 year old) but it isn't how most 21 year olds would want their life to be. I would worry that you are going to look back in 5/10 years and wonder what the bloody hell you were thinking!

Did you have an unhappy home before you married your DH? My home life was crap before I went to university and I went through a period of playing happy families, lots of housework and fussing - before I realised that I could do that at any old time of my life and that at 21 I should be enjoying myself and planning for a fulfilling future, not making up for my mother's inadequacies as a housekeeper and protector! Do you have any plans for a career/education when your son is old enough?

Again, apologies if I am out of line - I don't mean to be nasty in any way

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 03/12/2008 18:17

blimey, this thread is taking some interesting turns.........

I reckon those tissues the OP keeps referring to are spunky, not snotty

< runs away >

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