What a LAZY Pig!!! i just want to change the locks! PLEASE someone tell me i am not overreacting...

[KarisTiasMum]

DH's son is the most idle, lazy, sloppy beast i have ever met... and he lives in our house!

examples...

I cleaned his room on sunday (spotless)... now there are macdonalds wrappers, filthy work clothes, every drawer is open, sheets completely off the bed, copper wire (???) completely covering the floor, dirthy mugs and plates everywhere... i could go on. and it SMELLS!

put the cat littler tray in the garden if the cat poos instead of cleaning it out.

stuffs snotty tissues down my sofa, leaves them everywhere.

makes toast on the worktop (no plate) then just goes to work and leaves it for me to clean.

eats then just dumps the plates in the sink or the floor or gets my dd (3) to bring them to me!

spills something and just leaves it...

sits on facebook for every free minute he has, slurrping pints of milk and stuffing his face.

and does not contribute at all to the house financially, and we constantly have to bail him out with money.

oh... and he is 21!!

everyone babies this moron and over praises him when he does bother to do something and it is driving me bloody mental!

i apologise for appearing to be completely rude about SS but i am fuming!

not just laziness, everything realy! just the fact he sits back and expects everything to be done for him like the world owes him something. just take take take all the time, and expects dh to spoonfeed him through everything while he reeps the benefit.

Sorry, i know this has turned into a bit of a rant now. I am just so annoyed!!

can i give another example, of laziness beyond possible belief...

a few weeks back, he got a call from work saying he needed to be in early the next day... so... HE WENT TO BED IN HIS WORK CLOTHES!! then he got a few extra minutes in bed and litterlly got up, put his shoes on and strolled out!!

it probably would have been funnt if not so gross.... but its the cherry on top of a whole mountain of gross things we have to witness and it just completey sums him up!

its possible that he has issues with my age, but probably only when it suits him because he doesnt have a problem with asking me for money (like a parent) or having me cook his meals or do his washing..
i think the only time it might be odd for him is if his mates come round and might make comments but that is to be expected i suppose.

I have no problem doing all the housework, as i dont work and i consider it my job while i am at home all day ad dh is working. But there is a distinct difference between doing my everyday chores and keep the house running, to having someone walking around making more and more work for me. Plus it seems he has managed to find an apprenticeship with someone who sounds as motivated as he is and they usually finish work by 2 each day. so he doesnt even work full time.

He does sound revolting!! The lack of pride in his surroundings/sleeping in clothes is a bit....worrying?

I know it's an old chestnut oft used on the boards but any chance that he might be depressed?

Does he go out much, has he had girlfriends in the past...does he have lots of friends?

You're the sanme age as him, maybe you've got a friend you could set him up with?

Definitely change the password on the laptop and don't change it back until he shapes up. Put anything of his he leaves around where it shouldn't be plus any rubbish left lying round the house in black sacks and dump them in his room. Tell your dd to say 'No' when he tells her to take his dirty pots to you for washing. Instead of cleaning his room for him, shove all the stuff that isn't tidy/put away into binbags too - perhaps having to go through bags full of stinky rubbish and dirty clothes to find something he needs might shape up his ideas, and you can tell him that any bin bags not sorted out - ie emptied, dirty washing washed by him, rubbish in the bin, everything else put away - by the day the binmen arrive, will go out for the bin lorry.

You are his step-mother, the same age as him, and you tell him to get out of bed and have a shower??

Really it is down to his dad how he behaves and not for you to get involved in. I would have thought it must tickle him no end to watch you getting so wound up. I would just let it go tbh.

Here is a bit of grim news for you...my brother in law still lives at home. Does not pay rent. His mother does all his laundry. She cooks all his meals. He pays no bills. He spends all his earnings on his hobbies (motorbike, hang gliding, diving, travels etc.). and he has absolutely no intention of leaving, and why on earth should he when everything is served on a platter for him like that. The worse part of this is that he is 35 years old.

very possibly... he doesnt show the usual signs of depression but his behaviour is not normal. he doesnt seem down or sad, but he also doesnt go out very much and has only had friends back a handful of times.

he has not had a girlfriend since i have been with dh (2 years) and spends every waking hour on this laptop. which is becoming very tiresome to look at!

In himself, he is fairly normal.. jokes around.. quite effectionate towards his dad.. quite chatty to us.
we have no idea what he does when he goes out, and dh was worried he wasnt being very sociable so he put his name in on facebook to view his public page and it all seems very normal, lots of pictures of him and friends messing about, lots of people who talk to him on there etc.

i still dont think its for you to tell him when to sleep or wash tho, even if it drives you nuts

i would not be happy if someone was telling me that, regardless of anything else

Hmmmm... I agree that he can't be pleasant to live with, but I'm finding myself feeling a teeny bit sorry for him

He hasn't had a girlfriend for 2 years - bless him.

Apart from being a slob is he a nice person?

If you generally have a good relationship with him then maybe resetting some ground rules and getting your hubby to have a chat with him might be the way ahead?

MORE!! why would you tell me that... you mean mean person!!!
35!!!!!!!!! is his mother ok with that!? or feeling bitter inside and putting on a front!?

gagamama... i would not inflict him on any of my friends, plus i dont have many friends my own ages who are unmarried!

sunny... i think the bin lorry is the best idea, and i have considered it and may go through with it.. the bin day is friday and feeling like i am feeling now... it could very well be this friday.

Rant away, it sounds like a nightmare living with him.

However, you're both so close in age he probably resents being told to do things by you. He probably doesn't see it as your house, but his too, so he can do what he wants. Get his dad to sort him out, and try not to get worked up by him, as I think that is probably making things worse. Definitely DON'T clean his bedroom. That's his space, and he won't keep it tidy if someone does it for him. Maybe you could stop making meals for him. Perhaps draw up a rota of dish-washing, general tidying up jobs? Treat him more like a house mate than a 12 year old and he might - just might - start acting like one.

i am not sure he has ever had a girlfriend? not serious ones anyway.

and tbh i do feel a bit sorry for him as he doesnt exactly have the most fulfilling life but no one can do anything about that but him. and it wont take a lot! just tidy himself up a bit, budget his money and just generally pull his finger out!

apart from being a slob... he is not a bad person. he has had his troubles and has been 'trouble' but is over that now and it is so far behind him that it is just not relevant.

He is certainly not a nasty person, just extremly selfish and tbh i cant see past the slob right now.

does he work?

right - just seen. he does work. Start asking him for money towards the bills and food costs. Tell him today.

His mother is fine with it.
It is FIL that is not fine with it. He is legally their step father though, and MIL is quite clear in her behaviour that her sons are her life, and she will do literally everything for them.

thanks weebump.. dont encourage me though i could go on all day! ha!

I dont think our age has anything to to with him not wanting to cooperate because he doesnt really listen to his mum or dad either. and i think if ever he did decided our age was a problem it would just be him trying to justify his crap behaviour and shifting the blame. whatever happens and however old i am... he should not be so lazy!

wow! 35 is quite extreme.. i'm scared now.. i thought 21 was pushing it!

eeek!

I think the key is to choose your battles - decide on a small number of things to insist on, and let the others slide for now. I'd start by insisting on regular money for his bed & board, plus a list of chores he has to do. If he doesn't do them, he doesn't get time on the laptop. Normally I'd be suggesting this line for dealing with 10-15 year olds, but that's how he's behaving!

Ignore his bedroom. Don't wake him up. Don't nag him about clothes or showering.

Hopefully once he gets a few things back under control, he'll be on the right slope to improving in other areas too, but if not you can pick new areas to work on once the first most important ones are sorted.

You cook his food and launder his clothes!!????

STOP THAT!

Let him sort his clothes out. Show him how to do the washing machine. Write clear instructions and hang on the wall next to it.
DONT cook for him, unless he is eating a meal with you and dd, and so he can have the same.

STOP MOTHERING HIM!!!

when i say i cook for him, i mean i cook for everyone and he eats with us... but he then goes on to eat another meal later on which he generally does cook for himself... and destroys the kitchen and leaves the washing up over night for me to wake up to the next morning.

as for the washing, i have said if his washing is in the basket next to the machine, i will do it but i am not going looking for it. If he worked full time or contributed i would not mind the extra effort and doing his laundry, because i dont work, but his job is a lazy excuse for a job.. and he spends all of him money on himself.

in do not iron his clothes... so he wears them creased!

plus earlier it was said that it is not my business whether is showers or not, his feet were so dirty AFTER his bath the other day that he left wet dirty footprint through my lounge...

i agree mum in scotland, i think concentrating on a few changes may be less daunting for him so will try that.

i will have to put all of your comments to dh and get him to talk to him as i am not sure i will even be able to get his attention away from facebook.

I agree with everything saying that you need to stop "helping him out".

If you want him to stop behaving like this you need to tell your DH. He is the one that needs to sort this out. You do need to make it quite clear to your DH that you are not willing to put up with it. DH is in no way helping his son by letting him get away with this kind of behaviour, unless he actually wants to live with his son for the rest of his life.

We keep joking about BIL living at home until FIL and SMIL passes away. All three of fighting eachother as to who has the hardest time getting themselves and all their crutches up the stairs. We joke about BIL moaning about FIL And SMIL not kicking the bucket soon enough so he can get the house to himself. BUT it is not really funny though is it. It is quite tragic that a 35 year old chooses to live at home, because it is the easiest option for him. I also find it quite tragic that SMIL seems to enjoy that he still lives at home. She hates it when we start joking about it, and will leave the room in a huff.

Oh FGS just ask him to move out.

Does he ever stay at his mum's house?