What is wrong with men.

[unnamed]

I have named change but am a regular.

Well tonight I have discovered my DH has been on porn sites again, its about the 6th I have caught him know.

I have had sexual abuse in my past as a child and was in an abusive relationship and these things also included porn. This is the reason I can't stand it.

I feel sick to my stomach that he does this. We nearly broke up a couple of weeks ago because he had thrown my past in my face (the childhood sexual abuse) and now when we start getting things sorted he does this.

I have kicked him out tonight but I don't know were to go from here.

I am so upset I don't think I am making much sense.

We will only be married 1yr on Monday We have been together for 5yrs and have a DD.

I'm sorry I dont know what to say to help you but didn't want to just leave you there.

You are well within your rights to kick him out when he knows your feelings on this.

I wish I had some better advice for you.

Thanks lucky

I don't realy have any wise words of advise for you. You sound like you've had a rotten time with the men in your life, just responding to the thread title really and to reassure you that men aren't all the same. Some are wonderful and genuine. Hope you get stuff sorted and someone can offer some useful advice for you

I really don't want to be a single parent

How awful.

It sounds like he may be a bit emotionally abusive towards you?

I was also abused as a child and it can contribute to a patern of chosing unsuitalbe and abusive partners.

Not all men are like this. After years of bastards, I found a good guy 8 years ago, so it is a cycle that can be broken. Please don't lose heart.

So sorry fo ryou.

Forgot to ask, have you had any theraoy to deal with th eabuse?

Yes, I have dealt with my past and DH is excellent in every other way except for what I have mentioned

Really sorry to hear. I get really really mad when I hear about people taking advantage of children in this way. I haven't had your pain but I sometimes feel that I would be out of control if I was shown someone who was sick in this way.

Your reaction given the pain you feel is very understandable. I am not sure what kind of person your DH is but it is possible that he threw this at you because he is feeling your pin - perhaps he needs to work through this as well IYWIM. Even so he needs to KNOW that it is HIGHLY insensitive to deal with it this way. You both need to talk in an effort to understand each other's perspective. Can this be arranged? Can you get some help to guide both of you through this? It can make you both stronger in the end?

I know he finds it hard to get over my past, but this is 5yrs now.

I am tried and don't know how much I an take, the porn just killed me tonight

I understand; and he needs to truly understand the impact porn is having on you however enjoyable and unrelated it may seem to him.

you are both hurting. Don't take it out on each other. You need to get some help to work through together.

Anyone have a magic wand

Have you ever persued counselling or support groups to help with your past abuse?

if its gonna keep happening you r better to get out than stay in a shite marrage

Yes I have beanie.

Tell him the conditions under which he is allowed back.

did you have a thread about him mentioning the abuse during arguments in a spiteful way?

him looking at porn isn't really the issue- it's the disregard for you and your feelings that is at the root of it.

whether or not he is finding your abuse hard to deal with himself (and if you are who i think you are, there is an ongoing reminder of it so it's quite complex), to not have empathy or recognise that your wife and mother of your children will be pained by such actions and behaviour is pretty unforgivable.

communication is key here and some straight talking needs to take place. try not to focus on looking into the future, just deal with today.

Can i stick my neck out? Have been in a similar situation, being a DP with a partner who has experienced the same. As a member of the male pursuasion i found it difficult to control my anger, yes we talked a lot about it, but it got to a point where my anger got strong enough for my partner to stop confiding in me. We have been many tears and years down the line now and it still affects me, but less so because i can see my partner growing and trusting me once more and i feel less anger at a circumstance that i had no control over. Not a real answer in any means but from a male prespective i hope it helps a little. Warmest hugs. I would honestly expect him to respect your wishes about the porn though, as a considerate partner IMO

Blinks and stubbleonchin, thanks for your replies. Yes that was me blinks.

We have had huge talks last night. It was like he had a self destruct button in the last 2 months as it was abnormal. He can finally see my reasons and is going to seek counselling.

I said to him that I am over my past and rarely think about it because I love my life now and the only time I think about it is when he brings it up.

The thing that shocked me was he admitted he had been on the porn sites for the last yr and half, I had no idea.

This was the 1st time I had told him to leave too so it gave him the kick up the bum he needed.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and hopefully I won't have to start any other threads of hurt.

unnamed- really glad that you are up and running. very best wishes.