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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I caught him in the action!!!! am i wrong being annoyed with him??/

89 replies

anybodyknowtheanswer · 17/11/2008 18:25

Its been 2 days since i got up early to see to my dd at 5am i left dp in bed and gave dd a bottle, at 7.30 i went upstairs to wake dp to find him having just spanked the monkey!!!! clearing up with a towel! i was sickened and walked away since then he blanks me out and says im pathetic.should i ignore it?

OP posts:
Guadalupe · 17/11/2008 19:10

At least he didn't leave a crusty thing for you to find under the bed, now that is annoying.

MadamDeathstare · 17/11/2008 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mosschops30 · 17/11/2008 19:24

oh god another painful drip-feeding thread.

lol at 'self pleasing'

sorry but I think you could do with some therapy or counselling, for whatever has happened to you to leave you like this

OrmIrian · 17/11/2008 19:27

It's not rejection. Please don't see it that way. However he could be a little more sensitive to your upset.

Mind you you should be grateful he doesn't do it in the middle of the night and wake you up

2manychips · 17/11/2008 20:06

I can understand where you're coming from op,if my dh wanked whilst in the same house as me I'd be disappointed he didnt approach me for some action. He can spank his monkey all he likes while I'm out but he can share it when I'm home.

AnnasBananas · 17/11/2008 20:20

'Tis a completely normal, biological action for men and to echo the above posts nothing to do with his sexual feelings for you. He obviously still fancies you if you are having regular sex. Would you have been up for it after waking at 5am???? Perhaps he didn't want to be rebuffed by you at such an early hour when you were busy with your dd??

Please don't worry about it, or try and give dp a guilt-trip about it, it's a natural and normal act. Chill, lady.

Now, cleaning up with the towel...well as long as he puts it in the laundry basket or even into the machine, that's OK in my book. They have to use something!

Original poster
anybodyknowtheanswer · 17/11/2008 21:05

2manychips thats exactly how i feel! thank you so much you are so right!

OP posts:
Jackstini · 17/11/2008 21:09

AKTA - I am sure if you just say to him, ask me for sex first, he won't mind!

Tee2072 · 17/11/2008 21:11

Wow, if you think that was the first time he did that, you'd be wrong. Its just the first time you 'caught' him at it.

Men do it all the time. My DH certainly does. I often encourage it, actually, as I am unwell a lot of the time and don't sleep, so he leaves me alone then!

Original poster
anybodyknowtheanswer · 17/11/2008 21:14

i dont care that he does it , yes its just the fact i saw him!

OP posts:
NotanOtterOHappyDay · 17/11/2008 21:15

now if you had nipped out to wash your hair and then run into the room - scooped hair up in towel turbanesque ... left it to dry for a couple of hours.....

solidgoldbrass · 17/11/2008 21:18

Everyone (or very nearly) does it sometimes. If you are having regular sex and things are good between you otherwise, don't make this into a big issue when it isn't.

Original poster
anybodyknowtheanswer · 17/11/2008 21:19

ewww thanks! v true tho!

OP posts:
2manychips · 17/11/2008 21:27

Have you done as Jackstini suggested? dh and I are very open about it, if I'm home and he wants to, he gives me the option of joining in! Sometimes I leave him to it, sometimes I assist.

Original poster
anybodyknowtheanswer · 17/11/2008 21:33

i will text him now and try to suggest what jackstini has said thankyou to you too 2manychips

OP posts:
2manychips · 18/11/2008 07:48

Hey-how things?

shitehawk · 18/11/2008 07:58

You don't care that he does it, just that you saw it.

What's he meant to do, book a time slot? You either don't care or you do; it's unfair on him to pick and chose the times when it bothers you. If you don't like it, ask him to stop - but I can guarantee that he won't.

He obviously finds you attractive as you say you are "normally very sexually active together" - so there is no reason to be threatened by this, and no reason to feel unwanted.

Judging by some of your other posts, though, this is not really about finding him masturbating - you seem to have problems in other areas and I think it's those you need to address.

Original poster
anybodyknowtheanswer · 18/11/2008 08:10

2many chips thank you so much , i'm coping i think there are other problems but i need to take a look at myself and sort them, I have no friends here as i've not lived here long so noone to talk to. i have 4 children and youngest is 5 months. he said on his text he is tired of it all but im not sure what he wants ! I hate myself ,who i am how i look, i think its all me!

OP posts:
Kally · 18/11/2008 08:27

All men wank. My boyfriend calls me early in the morning and I know by the tone of his vioce what's up with him. We don't get round to it a lot as we live apart, work, both have a child etc... so we help each other out.

I once heard that being horny and not 'releasing' or going for long periods without can lead to prostate problems later on (anyone know if this is true?).

Its a normal natural thing to do, married, unmarried, young, old... there is nothing wrong with it and you shouldn't be feeling all cut up about it and taking it all personal.

Isn't there so many stories on here that you read and think 'oh my Gawd, poor 'whoever'... real bad heavy duty problems... honest - don't make a big thing out of it.

It's like scratching an itch...

Jackstini · 18/11/2008 09:10

Sorry to hear you have other problems AKTA. Think you are right, these are colouring your view of what would usually not be an issue.
Must be hard with 4 kids and no nearby support network. Have you checked MN local for where you are? Think a few outings and friends rounds for coffee could make a world of difference
You could start another thread on your other problems and get some advice for those too...

SheikYerbouti · 18/11/2008 09:16

Sorry, AKTA, but I am rofffffling at

a towel?!
Must have been building up for some time..

HappyandEiknowit · 18/11/2008 09:25

TBH i would be more annoyed that he has done it knowing you were up caring for your DD and he had not bothered getting up to give you a helping hand, he just stayed in bed and gave himself one
as long as he is still paying attention to you try not to worry.
i have been in a similar situation with my DH and i have learned it is pointless being annoyed at a perfectly natural physical expression as long as he doesnt do it while im next to him in bed and get it on me im not arsed anymore
xx ei xx

hunnybun1981 · 18/11/2008 09:47

i would be annoyed that a child could walk in on him more than anything

its perfectly normal for men more than women even, but to know that u were up feeding the baby i find that selfish instead of him asking did u need a hand sorry excuse the pun

i wouldnt get into an argument about it explain how u feel just

mampam · 18/11/2008 11:23

AKTA, you sound so down. TBH I would be a bit miffed if I caught dh masterbating because if I was at home at the time he could just ask me for a quick bonk or to help him!! I know my dh must w**k but I would rather not catch him in the act if he wanted to go it alone(IYSWIM?). If he doesn't want my 'help' then I'd rather he didn't do it when I was around and might accidentally catch him at it.

If the two of you are having regular sex then I honestly don't think you've got anything to worry about, if you weren't(having regular sex) then I think you would have cause for concern.

You seem to have low self esteem/insecurities caused by hurt in a previous relationship which has not been helped by dp using chatrooms etc. I think you and dp need to have a serious talk about your relationship. If he's a great guy he will apologise for the hurt he's caused with the chatrooms etc and then go out of his way to smooth out your insecurities about your relationship with him.

Good Luck

teenspirit · 18/11/2008 11:24

How funny I'd tell his mother if I were you

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