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Original poster

Sperm donation

66 replies

SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 10:52

Men who give theire sperm out to a sperm bank should remain aynomous. A report in the news this week said donations had fallen by 40%.

Can you see why?

I am a sperm donor, and I do not want anyone turning up at my door 18 years later.

OP posts:
TheBlonde · 13/11/2008 11:14

I disagree - children have a right to know their origins

Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 11:18

Rubbish!! it is my right to remain unknown. There origins is me having a tug into a little cup.

It hardly parenting is it? Biological maybe, but that counts for nothing when you consider the 18 or so years that have passed.

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 13/11/2008 11:18

But i think a child born from a donor would at some point want to know where they came from surely.
There would i imagine a hundred questions that could be asked.....
Do i have his personality? why do i act the way i do?....
A whole host of unaswered questions, as well as possible health questions later. Especially with more advaces being made in medicine it is often useful to know of any potiental health risks in family members.

There could be a DNA test done first but as well as being costly this could have other moral implications.

Is it a case of not wanting a child to turn up on your door? Surely this is a good thing you are doing. Or are you worried that there would be parental responsibilities put on you.

HappyWoman · 13/11/2008 11:20

ok so if a child has a right to know its origins is there a case for saying a woman who has no idea who the father is of her child is unfit??

HappyWoman · 13/11/2008 11:22

But that little tug is potientially creating life - which one day may be ill and in need of knowledge that only you have.

What is the problem of these 'gifts' knowing who you are anyway?

Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 11:23

Happywoman:- not at all.

This thread getting a bit side-tracked here. Sperm donors should remain unknown.

OP posts:
Bubbaluv · 13/11/2008 11:31

Lots of children, conceived my methods other than sperm donation never get to know thier biological father. It may not be ideal, but it's not the end of the world either.
Personally I think donors should be able to choose to remain annonymous or not, and mothers should be able to choose whether they accept donor from someone who will remain annonymous or not.
Potentially donors could be asked/volunteer to be contactable by a third party in the case that medical information is urgently required?

Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 11:32

I have not got a problem with the child knowing where he/she came from, but at the end of the day, tracing yourself back to a paper cup and test tube it not my idea of finding my daddy.

I think sperm donors have no moral link to these children, biology yes, but that as far as it goes.

How would a woman explain to any child about her biological father when they have never met? Never had sex? Never done anything together? Should all sperm donors do a little web cam of themselves to explain who they are.

I can?t remember seeing a case when the CSA has been chasing a sperm donor dad for not paying maintenance. Let me have a look now?lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 11:33

Bubbaluv :- you have hit the nail on the head!!! I couldn't agree with your more.

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 13/11/2008 11:36

still dont understand why should donors remain aynomous?

Do egg donors have the right to remain aynomous too? Just wondering.

I would happily donate eggs - but i fear i am too old now. But i dont think i would have a problem detacting myself from the fact that they would not be my children but they would share my dna and so i do feel they have a right to know about me iywsim.

I have seen the heatbreak of childless couples and can only see donation as a positive thing.

Is it because you dont want people close to you to know either?

Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 11:43

HW:_ They provide a service and it is the donors right. I am not sure about women donating eggs.

Biological is biology and emotional connection with bringing a child up is seprate. You provided the cells, biology, not the hard bit, but the easy bit.

I am sure the vast majority of childless couples live perfect lifes, and I wish them all well.

But I agree what bubbaluv said. I talk sense hun

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 13/11/2008 11:47

I think the third party thing is a good idea though. But would it be so bad to have a record of who you are in case you were ever uncontactable by such third party.

You seem to have a very odd view of what the dontation means to childless couple. Is is not that you are nothing more than a plastic cup - well no more than i imagine an egg donor is only a syringe full of ovian fluid.

The egg and the sperm are the building blocks of life - they contain all the codes for who that life will be.

As a donor can i ask you if you have had to undergo any tests? for certain known genetic conditions?
I had a dna test for cancer research - several members of my family had a particular type of cancer. I was offered the results as to whether i was a carrier. I choose not to know - because i already had children and felt if in the future they wanted to know before they potiently passed on the gene they could do so.
Me knowing i was a carrier i felt made no difference to me and it was their choice not mine to know if they were iyswim.

LucifersLeftEyebrow · 13/11/2008 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piratecat · 13/11/2008 11:49

i think you should be retitled as SpermBoner, you need to spell correctly.

HappyWoman · 13/11/2008 11:55

I do agree that donation generally should remain aynomous, but with sperm it is creating a whole new life with rights of it own.
I was only playing devils advocate with saying that mothers who do not know who the father is are unfit btw i really dont believe that.

I am not even sure what i believe about this but i do love a good debate.

Bubbaluv · 13/11/2008 12:07

If there was a choice of level of disclosure by both donor and recipient, then there would be no concern on the part of donors who want to remain anonnymous, nore donors who would prefer to be contactable. Mothers who feel that their child should have the choice could make that possible, and mothers who prefer to think of it as a purely functional process could also be accomodated.
Donors could also choose to give a detailed medical history or not and mothers could choose to only accept sperm that comes with a medical history or not.
Seems to be a pretty obvious solution all round to me? Am i missing something?

HappyWoman · 13/11/2008 12:25

i am not disagreeing with you it seems pretty sensible,but that is putting the mothers rights above the childs is it not?
Later when i child knows he will have no choice.

If later a child has no wish to know that is fine - but we are saying that before that it is the mothers right.

Like i said i am not sure what i feel - but there is a whole issue about does a child have rights. We have to assume that one day the child may want to know - so it is up to the mother to make that choice?????

I still cant see why a donor needs to be unknown - uless there is something to hide.

Sparks · 13/11/2008 12:30

It's not true that it has to remain anonymous "otherwise no one will donate." Initially when the law changed fewer donors came forward, but a lot of that was down to the clinics not recruiting in the right places. When donation was anonymous, most of the donors were medical students, etc. who did it for easy money. With the new system, a lot of the donors are men who already have children of their own and want to help others to have families

The reason the law was changed was for the benefit of the children. If you look at from the point of view of mr sperm misspelling and his paper cup, it doesn't make much sense. OTOH if you look at it from the point of view of people who have been conceived using donor sperm (or eggs) most of them want to have information about their biological origins.

HappyWoman · 13/11/2008 12:34

so do they still get paid for it?
Is that the reason SD wants to remain aynomous?
Not sure i how i would feel if the guy i was with paid for the night out with his donation money.

I would have thought that like any other donation it was for the good of others.

Kewcumber · 13/11/2008 12:39

in the US you have the choice to be a "known" donor or an unknown ie the child has the chance to contact you at 18 or not (mother has no such rights).

Known donors are paid more.

Just thought I'd share!

The law in this country is that child has the right to infomration about donors now - if you don;t like that Mr Doner then don't donate.

Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 12:41

Sperm and eggs maybe the building block of life, but I do not want 30 kids knocking on my door in 2018. I was a medical student etc, but I have a right to have no contact with these ppl. I gave a donation, end of.

I have changed my name already be deed poll to stop any tracing of me, and I intend to emigrate to foreign climates next year to live in peace.

Happy woman:- get out of town. I do not want these children contacting me. I have a right for them to keep away. And I have chosen that right and have to take extreme steps to remain unknown.

Bubbluv again u talk sense babe.

Happywoman:- I can?t get through to you. I want to remain unknown as I will have 30 screaming teenagers on my doorstep. I am already married with 4 kids, and I got enough on my plate than to take on another 30. I want to remain unknown

OP posts:
Sparks · 13/11/2008 12:43

They get paid 'expenses' not sure how much that is.

I would hope that they do it for the good of others. It's a lot of trouble they go through. They need to give a complete medical history, have a physical exam, lots of tests for STDs etc. It's not really a quick w*nk in a cup.

Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 12:44

Kewcumber :- that is a good law in the US.

I have already donated so I am up for it. I think I must have fathered 30 kids. I donated in 2000.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 12:48

Happy woman:- i did get paid for the donation, but again the amount I got is being invested for my children. and how much, mind your own business...lol

OP posts:
Original poster
SpermDoner · 13/11/2008 12:49

Spark:- you're right there. It was not easy what I had to do. I hope they disposed of that paper cup

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