Why am I doing this?

[boredhousewife]

Please excuse me if I ramble a bit here, I've got nobody that I feel I can talk to about this, so am using you lot to offload.

A couple of weeks ago at work, a male colleague emailed me (about a work matter). I replied, and it turned into a series of chatty emails. As time has gone on, they have become more and more flirtatious - he has made it clear that he finds me attractive, and we share the same sort of sense of humour. Over the last 2 weeks, I have sent him 81 emails, and he has sent me around the same amount. We have hardly spoken a word to each other, and act as though we are more or less strangers when we encounter each other in person - no-one has any idea (except perhaps for the IT department ) that we know each other more than vaguely.

Over the weekend, I have found myself thinking about him more and more. I couldn't wait to get to work this morning to see him. It's so exciting catching each other's eye across the office, and making (what seem to other people) random comments that actually refer to the contents of our emails.

Neither of us have said in so many words that we want it to go any further, but it has been hinted at, and lunch on Wednesday has been suggested (by me ). He said he didn't want people to gossip - I say that people are more likely to gossip if we sneak around than if we act normal.

I am happily married with 2 children (have never thought of myself as anything but, and have never imagined straying before), he is in a relationship. I know this is complete madness; half of me says we should end it (not least before we get in trouble for spending all our time emailing each other), the other half is really enjoying the excitement and the flattery of someone (and he's about 7 or 8 years younger than me) finding me attractive (not that dh doesn't - in fact he is always complimenting me). I'm not really asking for advice as such - I know what any sane person will tell me - but just wanted to "tell" someone, and get your thoughts.

I would prefer it if you didn't all jump on me like a ton of bricks, but if that's the way you feel, I guess I deserve it.

MrsX, I am not about to condem you in the least but take it from someone who's DH ended up having an affair with a work colleague, which started in much the same chatty way..emails, texts the odd meet up for coffee....you are playing with fire!Many months after my dh can see that he was living in a fantasy world to escape other things that were happening in his life at the time (not to do with our relationship, we were very happily married) however he describes how one little step lead to another and each in itself was a very little step until before he knew it he aws tormented by the situation he'd got himself into and very nearly lost his wife and children (as he now says "for so little")Please, having lived through months of pain caused by his "fantasy world", that started with emails and texts, and having seen the mess it made of him as well as me and all other parties concerned I'd ask you to think very carefully about what you are doing and why. Trust, once lost is so difficult to regain....think of what you have to lose and what you are likely to gain from this relationship.Only you can answer whether it's worth it, only you live your life but your actions can have a huge impact on so many people!

A quick update for anyone who is interested. Nothing 'covert' has happened since I told him we should stop with the texts and emails. However, there was a move around in the office, and I now sit a lot closer to him and to his group of friends. This has meant that we now have more to do with each other, but in an open way, and no different than I am with anyone else in the office. I know it sounds mad, but I think it's safer this way. When everything was 'our secret' things were getting out of hand. Now there's no secret, just normal friendly chat - and less excitement.

I don't know if I've explained myself well here, but I feel like I'm "out of danger", which is good. Things are great with dh at the moment - I dread to think how things might have gone if they hadn't been.

Still a little thrill when I look up and catch him looking at me though.