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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

never posted in here before but, need someone to talk to for advice or just for me to vent

64 replies

AMiTHEotherWOMAN · 08/11/2008 15:31

i just had a text saying 'thought you should know dp has a 2month baby elsewhere' i text back asking who it was as i dont know the number, no reply so i rang the number and says unavailable. i rand dp and we had a massive row on the phone he says he doesnt know the number and has no other babies anywhere. but in all the shouting and screaming from me he admitted sleeping with someone last year when i was pregnant with ds so it is possible he does have another child (even though he says he used protection) and that she possibly hasnt told him? i really dont know what to do i am so angry but so upset that he would just throw away almost 5yrs and 2 children for a one night stand.
can you ever forgive them or is this the end i am such a mess i dont know what to think or do, but i am so angry i think if he walks through the door now i could do something i might regret.

OP posts:
leoleo · 08/11/2008 15:34

Space is what you need and make only 1 decision I think - not to make a decision for a specific amount of time because feels are running too high for you to decide the rest of your life.
What a silly silly man. I hope your ok.

leoleo · 08/11/2008 15:34

Can he contact this woman? To find out what is going on. How would she have got your number?

Original poster
AMiTHEotherWOMAN · 08/11/2008 15:39

i dont know if space will make much difference as i think that is what has caused this. he works away a lot so we dont get to see each other that often, but he has always said he is too busy to be going meeting other women obviously he was never too busy.

OP posts:
Original poster
AMiTHEotherWOMAN · 08/11/2008 15:41

he says he doesnt recognise the number from the text. and the only way to have got my number is to have gone through his phone. i dont know if he still knows her or if it was just one night. he said only once and was last year but i really dont know what to believe.

OP posts:
leoleo · 08/11/2008 15:51

A bit odd to go though someones phone and keep a number from it for a year on a 1 noght stand

leoleo · 08/11/2008 15:52

What do you want to do? Where is he now?

leoleo · 08/11/2008 15:52

sorry night

squeaver · 08/11/2008 15:56

Is the number unavailable because the phone was switched off? It all sounds VERY fishy to me.
And if this other person did go through the phone to find the number, how would she know it was the OP's number (i.e. that she was the dp, iyswim).

I think you might need to do a bit of detective work here. Any mutual friends/family members you could ask?

Hope it all works out for you.

leoleo · 08/11/2008 16:00

That's what I was thinking. Possibly someone she knows. Awful!

squeaver · 08/11/2008 16:03

You need to look at his phone and see if the number which sent the text is on there. It'll be laborious but will either set your mind at rest or help you find out what's going on.

People don't recognise numbers any more do they? They just put them in their phones then use the person's name to call them.

Original poster
AMiTHEotherWOMAN · 08/11/2008 16:08

he is at work now. the number was just saying unavailable but i just tried to ring again and says switched off! he doesnt have any family in this country apart from a cousin but i dont know him and i only really know one of his friends but they havent spoken for a while. this is why im thinking it must have been more than one night otherwise why go through his phone? and i change my name in his phone all the time so when i ring him he gets a suprise with what i have written i honestly dont know what to do our youngest is only 9months and i have suffered pnd so this is hurting so much but im worried i will feel resentful towards ds as i was preg with him when this "one night" thing happened. i also suffered severe spd so there wasnt much bedroom activity as it was too painful. so maybe its my fault.

OP posts:
barbiehouse · 08/11/2008 16:09

or dial the number from his phone, and see if a name comes up

Original poster
AMiTHEotherWOMAN · 08/11/2008 16:17

he is not home until tomorrow so could have taken it out by then.

OP posts:
BBeingpatient · 08/11/2008 16:19

ring that number from a withheld number or call box, generally ppl answer out of curiosity, really feel for you.

leoleo · 08/11/2008 16:19

Def NOT your fault.
I did the whole 'do you know this number?' and watched when he tried calling it to see what came up. This was before he knew that I knew.
It's not your DS fault either so I am sure you will be ok. Go to the dr's if you feel like you need some help with PND.

leoleo · 08/11/2008 16:20

Keep trying. If no luck leave it for a day then try from a different number.
They obviously want to let you know so they want some sort of reaction.

muckypups · 08/11/2008 16:22

Oh im so sorry this has happened to you. You must be devastated. Facts are what you need at the moment though to get your head straight. it must be someone you know otherwise how would they get your number. Do you have a close friend you can be with to help you through this till he gets home xx

MrsMagooo · 08/11/2008 16:27

Hun it is most definately not your fault!!

You were PG & had severe SPD - I've been there too & so know why bedroom activity would be sparse - you were carrying his baby FFS!

It all sounds rather odd as to how she got your number makes me wonder if it was more then a one night stand - like they were friends or something.

I would keep ringing the number but withold yours so it comes up as private.

I would also do as Barbie says & dial the number from his phone to see if it brings anything up.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

solo · 08/11/2008 16:29

You really do have my sympathy. Can't add more as I'm in a similarly complicated situation myself.
I am very angry for you.

Original poster
AMiTHEotherWOMAN · 08/11/2008 16:29

luckily my friend has been phoning me every 5minutes to make sure im ok but i dont want to broadcast to the family as my mom never really liked dp just tollerated i think so she will love this. he doesnt really know anyone where we live neither do i only moved here a yr ago. so must be someone he met whilst working away and for them to get my number must have been more than once im not silly, although for the past over 9months he must have been thinking just how silly i am.
i think i will get him to ring the number in front of me when he gets home just to see his reaction then i guess i will know.

OP posts:
starmucks · 08/11/2008 16:31

Stay calm. You need to speak to DP face-to-face and hear what he says. At this point a bomb has gone off in your life and you need to know what the facts are before you can properly assess the damage. Even if it is true you may decide that you want to fight for what you've got.

solo · 08/11/2008 16:31

Men are such bloody arses.

themoon666 · 08/11/2008 16:33

Could be a wrong number? I got a weird text last week - someone proposing to me LOL.

Original poster
AMiTHEotherWOMAN · 08/11/2008 16:34

i do desperatly want him home to sort this out but can you ever really get over this kind of hurt and can you ever trust again?

OP posts:
Original poster
AMiTHEotherWOMAN · 08/11/2008 16:36

they said his name in the text, well his aka name that everyone calls him except me.

OP posts: