never posted in here before but, need someone to talk to for advice or just for me to vent

[AMiTHEotherWOMAN]

i just had a text saying 'thought you should know dp has a 2month baby elsewhere' i text back asking who it was as i dont know the number, no reply so i rang the number and says unavailable. i rand dp and we had a massive row on the phone he says he doesnt know the number and has no other babies anywhere. but in all the shouting and screaming from me he admitted sleeping with someone last year when i was pregnant with ds so it is possible he does have another child (even though he says he used protection) and that she possibly hasnt told him? i really dont know what to do i am so angry but so upset that he would just throw away almost 5yrs and 2 children for a one night stand.
can you ever forgive them or is this the end i am such a mess i dont know what to think or do, but i am so angry i think if he walks through the door now i could do something i might regret.

There's a woman writing about her husband having an affair in The Times at the moment. It's been serialised on a weekly basis. Any way the upshot is that she and her DP worked through it and are still together. No because of history or the kids, but because it's what they want.

whats making it worse is that i am now looking back and finding all the little things that havent seemed right but i have ignored but now seem to make sense. ie we were going to have another baby after ds but over the last couple of months he has changed his mind and said no more?

The thing is at the moment your putting history into the context of you've heard today - which may or may not be true. I know its hard to do, but really try not analysing outcomes until you've spoken to your DP.

i think i'll calm a bit more once he has rung me after work today as i was just screaming at him and he was at work so he was getting stressed. i think i will see what he has to say then.
thank you for listening to my rant

Have you tried ringing it from a landline using 141 before hand, of from a call box?

yes i rang from my landline withholding the number but the mobile is switched off now. which makes my mind work overtime thinking maybe he told her its me whos been ringing it and to turn it off!

What time is DP home at? Is there anyone who can take charge of kids while you have it out with him.

no there is no-one as dont want my mom involved, and my friend is 8mnths preg and has a dd so dont want to pile my 3 on her aswell!

i might get over a deception once depending on how it was handled and the circumstances. but having a child by someone else is bloody reckless in the extreme and should mean that there would be another child in your lives forever.

i don't know if i could do that tbh

he still says he knows nothing about another baby and swears the only dc's he has are our 2 and his 2 in another country who are both grown 16 and 18.
this is why i am so upset if there is another child i dont know if i could forgive him.

Don't know what to say but good luck, and big hug. Listen to what he says, and take it from there.

thank you all for listening ears and advice.

oh hun i am so so sorry this has happened what a complete bombshell to have gone off in your life.

DO NOT blame yourself or DS it is only DP who is to blame for his own actions.

Hugest hugs xxxx

It could be anyone who has sent that text.

It could be a wrong number. I doubt he is the only person with that name.

It could be the other woman.

It could be a friend who thinks you should know.

He needs to phone the number from his phone and see what happens.

Could you text the number from his phone pretending to be him and see what the answer is?

And it is NOT your fault if indeed he has been an unfaithful sod.

he said he has rung the number and it is unavailable, i have text but no reply, and i have rung and it is now switched off but i will keep trying until someone answers. its so hard not to blame myself though i know ds is not to blame but its all the thoughts that are running through my head right now.
thank you nicola x

im not surprised your mind must be racing we are all here for you xx

fara you know if you need anyone to watch the kids i can help x

But were you there when he rang it?

Oh, an idea, text to say you have instructed a solicitor to get access and see what happens then.

no i wasnt there as he is at work in luton and im in kent which is a fair distance away.
thanks nicola mom has just rung and said if its nice she wants to take the kids to park or walk round the lake tomorrow! i cant tell her whats going on though. hopefully we can get to the bottom of this tomorrow

So you don't know if the number really was unavailable. He needs to sort this quickly. It isn't fair on you.

no not when he rang only when i rang. i want him to ring it when he is here so i can see for myself if someone answers or if it rings for him.

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound good at all.

IMO he does know exactly who it is who has texted you.
For him to admit the possibility of a child is not a good sign
Ditto his telling you about an infidelity over the phone.

Would he have given his one night stand his mobile number? If so why?
Unless it's a friend or acquaintance?

How/why would she have taken your number if she was only a one night stand?
How would she even be aware of you if it was only a one night stand...

Good luck and I'm sorry you had such a horrible shock it must have been really really awful

aww hun really sorry this has happened we are all here if you need to chat [hugs

he hasnt admitted the possibility of a child as such, he just admitted to sleeping with someone last yr when i was preg with ds (says he used protection )
i would like to know how whoever text managed to get my number as it must have been from his phone as like i said before we dont know too many people where we live apart from my family. i just want a proper explanation its driving me crazy keep going over things in my head to see where things went wrong.