Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just returned from Holiday from hell.

70 replies

complicated · 05/11/2008 14:11

We've just got back from Florida and what an awful time we had.
Things were not right before we went but we were hoping the holiday would refresh us and make things better. How wrong.

Basically when we got there the stupid car company had messed up and we didn't have a car to get to the hotel. After an hour or so of messing around we finally managed to get on and got to the hotel hot, sticky, sweaty, tired and very, very arsey.

DH started being a bastard straight away. HE wanted to do this and HE wanted to do that, the rest of us basically had to put up and shut up.

Anyway the major incident that sealed it all was that I wanted to go to Miami. He didn't. He had the car so either we both went, or nobody went. It erupted into a massive row where he eventually decided I could be a selfish bitch and go so we drove down there. 2 hours to get there. When we got their we parked up and went for some lunch. When we got back to the car, the window had been smashed and the glove box raided etc.

DH went off on one at me saying it was all my fault, I should never have insisted on going to miami as its crime ridden etc etc. All the while we're getting VERY dodgy looks of a group of 'young men' who looked very much like gang members. They could have been the ones that had done it, I don't know. In the end, I walked away and said I'd meet him back there in half an hour. He kept the kids with him.

When I went back, he'd gone. Car and everything, gone. I phoned him and he said "you hate my company so much, see how you manage on your own".

I had no money, just a credit card. So I walked around completely clueless, lost, hot, headache ... an OBVIOUS tourist. Finally managed to find a hire car company, after faffing around for over an hour I managed to hire a car for a one way drop off. So I got the car, tried to drive out of miami and got lost. Ended up in a dodgy as hell neighbourhood, was so bloody frightened of where I was, looking around me that I bumbped into the back of a car at a traffic light.

The bloke dived out of the car absolutely livid calling me an english snob etc and I was terrified. I tried explaining the insurance would pay up but he wouldn't have it. I tried to call the police and he took my mobile off me and smashed it onto the floor. Then 2 other men got out of his car. I honestly thought I'd had it.

The psycho man then said to me I could either stand there are be a target practice for them for walk away and leave the car and my bag in it.

I chose to walk away and lost everything.

Very long story short, we're now back home and he hasn't even apologised, is just acting all smiles as if everyone had a great time.

I could have been killed and he doesn't give a shit, just says they were probably just trying to scare me.

OP posts:
irises · 05/11/2008 14:15

Oh my good God, that was so scary for you. You must still be shaken now.

I don't really know what to say.

TeeBee · 05/11/2008 14:15

Sorry, did you say you are married to this man? Why????

TheArmadillo · 05/11/2008 14:17

That sounds absolutely terrifying for you.

Your DH sounds like a complete arsewipe.

Why exactly are you in this marriage?

sleepyeyes · 05/11/2008 14:17

OMG I cant believe he would do that to you, what a heartless bastard.

My DH and I know Florida and Miami well its a very scary place for a bloke to get lots never mind a foreign women.
No exaggeration to say your lucky to be alive.

I think it would kill our relationship if my DH ever did anything so dangerous and cruel.

How did the kids feel/react during your holiday.

Doodle2U · 05/11/2008 14:18

Bloody Nora.

I'd kill him. I'd absofuckinglutely kill him.

Worse, I'd tell his mother! If his parents are still with us, ring them and tell them what a cunt of a son they've dragged up. Shame him!

complicated · 05/11/2008 14:19

It never used to be like this. He used to be funny, kind, loving but just lately its like he can't stand me. He spends all his time out with friends and we hardly see each other now.

Its not the first time he's left me like that abroad either, but I've never been so scared.

OP posts:
HeadFairy · 05/11/2008 14:20

OMFG! I'm afraid that would be it for me, I couldn't tolerate staying with someone who thought leaving me at risk of my life was an appropriate way to deal with an argument.

complicated · 05/11/2008 14:23

He still doesn't think it was as serious as it was. Just says they were trying to scare me because they knew I was British and was probably acting up for the 'gang' cliche but they were NOT playing. Even the police said I was lucky they even gave me a choice and they couldn't understand why they'd let me walk away!! He said there have been so many people carjacked in that same area and most are shot with no questions asked.

Yet DH still shrugs and says "you was the one that wanted to go".

The kids had a decent time I think but the atmophere wasn't nice.

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 05/11/2008 14:26

Leave him.

So sorry for what happened to you, you are very lucky to be alive. Nothing wrong with choosing to go to Miami for one day. It was not in any way your fault.

TheArmadillo · 05/11/2008 14:26

"It never used to be like this."

but it is now. I know it is a horrible thing to say, but he deliberately left you in danger as you disobeyed him.

He may have used to be all those things you mentioned and he may one day be again, but look at what he is doing now.

He doesn't see a problem with putting you in life threatening danger.

You need to get out now, before he does it again.

Iklboo · 05/11/2008 14:26

Sorry but next time he went out I'd change the locks and put his stuff in the street. Nobody deserves this sort of treatment and if he's behaving like this he doesn't deserve you or your DCs.
Wait till he's asleep then slam his knackers between two very heavy books

TheArmadillo · 05/11/2008 14:28

"He still doesn't think it was as serious as it was."

either he is choosing to believe this above all other evidence (e.g. the police) and if so what else is he going to make himself believe?

or he doesn't care how serious it was.

It must be horrible to hear, but you need to work out what exactly you are staying in this relationship for and whether that is worth putting your life on the line.

hatwoman · 05/11/2008 14:35

you poor thing. "trying to scare you" by threatening to shoot you ffs is horrific violent behaviour (sure you don;t need me to tell you that, you were the one who went through it) and if your dh can't see that and offer support, sympathy and utter contrition for abandoning you like that then he doesn't deserve you. how dare he downplay it by saying things like they were "acting". I'm not an angry type person but your dh makes me furious on your behalf.

can you get away for a few days? go and stay with family or friends? If you can find it in you to be civil and calm to him, then calmly explain to him that you need time to think about things because you are traumatised by what happened to you and deeply hurt and upset by his behaviour before-hand and reaction afterwards. But if you can;t bring yourself to be calm amd civil (and who could blame you) then just go. Take the kids (a few days off school won't be the end of the world) or leave them (a few days off work for dh won;t be the end of his world). You've been through a majorly traumatic event and you need some tlc and you;re not getting it from him.

hatwoman · 05/11/2008 14:37

or perhaps ask him to go away for a few days. not sure how you can do it but it seems to me like you need time away from him and someone to look after you.

ilovemydogandPresidentObama · 05/11/2008 14:41

OH MY GOD!!!

Miami is tricky. There are some nice areas, and as you know, some real dives!

Am so sorry....

Could you go somewhere like a spa for a few days to get iver the stress?

lowenergylightbulb · 05/11/2008 14:47

What an awful thing for him to have done to you. Leaving you stranded anywhere is a really horrible thing to do - and for him to dismiss what then happened to you is dreadful.

Have you told anyone in 'real life' (i.e family friends?' - I really think that he should be shamed into seeing what a terrible thing he did to you.

IllegallyBrunette · 05/11/2008 14:51

Bloody hell poor you.

My xp is a a very selfish twat, but even would never even think of doing something like that.

I cannot believe that someone who is supposed to love you left you in a position like that.

It would be the end for me I have to say.

TurkeyLurkey · 05/11/2008 14:52

Sorry but he sounds like a first class wanker. What are you going to do?

everlong · 05/11/2008 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poshwellies · 05/11/2008 14:53

I would being leaving him,sorry, he sounds a fucking twunt-you could of been killed and your children without a mother all because he has a temper tantrums..twunt twunt twunt.

branflake81 · 05/11/2008 14:56

Oh my God. I'm so shocked reading your story. I can't believe he LEFT you in a foreign country with no car etc. I rarely post replies to relationship threads because it's all too easy to post "wanker" without really knowing both sides of the story. But that's just so out of order.

TooFoggy · 05/11/2008 14:56

how awful for you! It wasnt your fault at all.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/11/2008 14:58

You were indeed lucky to get away with your life; some areas of Miami are crime ridden and you could have easily been shot.

Do you think he could have now met someone else?. I only ask as his behaviour seems that of a single person with no dependents.

He sounds very controlling anyway; it seems that its his way or no way.

TBH this is not good for your children to witness either; if your relationship is in crisis then that has to be addressed.

Its doing your children no favours to be witness to all this conflict either. You need to consider them too.

more · 05/11/2008 15:02

Wow that is a seriously unhealthy relationship you two have.
Sounds like you are still in shock.
Is he going through his mid-life crisis or something?

HappyWoman · 05/11/2008 15:04

he really does not want you to get over this does he. Are you sure he still wants to be married to you? I doubt it.

He didnt actually know what was going to happen so it is not all his fault but by not even trying to help you with this he is showing that he really dont care. The least he should be doing is saying how sorry he is and wanting you to forgive him for his foolish behaviour.

Do think about what you want from now on and be strong - if you put up with that behaviour he will think it is ok to carry on. If he really does not want to lose you then he will have to show you how much he is prepared to do.

Good luck

Swipe left for the next trending thread