Just returned from Holiday from hell.

[complicated]

We've just got back from Florida and what an awful time we had.
Things were not right before we went but we were hoping the holiday would refresh us and make things better. How wrong.

Basically when we got there the stupid car company had messed up and we didn't have a car to get to the hotel. After an hour or so of messing around we finally managed to get on and got to the hotel hot, sticky, sweaty, tired and very, very arsey.

DH started being a bastard straight away. HE wanted to do this and HE wanted to do that, the rest of us basically had to put up and shut up.

Anyway the major incident that sealed it all was that I wanted to go to Miami. He didn't. He had the car so either we both went, or nobody went. It erupted into a massive row where he eventually decided I could be a selfish bitch and go so we drove down there. 2 hours to get there. When we got their we parked up and went for some lunch. When we got back to the car, the window had been smashed and the glove box raided etc.

DH went off on one at me saying it was all my fault, I should never have insisted on going to miami as its crime ridden etc etc. All the while we're getting VERY dodgy looks of a group of 'young men' who looked very much like gang members. They could have been the ones that had done it, I don't know. In the end, I walked away and said I'd meet him back there in half an hour. He kept the kids with him.

When I went back, he'd gone. Car and everything, gone. I phoned him and he said "you hate my company so much, see how you manage on your own".

I had no money, just a credit card. So I walked around completely clueless, lost, hot, headache ... an OBVIOUS tourist. Finally managed to find a hire car company, after faffing around for over an hour I managed to hire a car for a one way drop off. So I got the car, tried to drive out of miami and got lost. Ended up in a dodgy as hell neighbourhood, was so bloody frightened of where I was, looking around me that I bumbped into the back of a car at a traffic light.

The bloke dived out of the car absolutely livid calling me an english snob etc and I was terrified. I tried explaining the insurance would pay up but he wouldn't have it. I tried to call the police and he took my mobile off me and smashed it onto the floor. Then 2 other men got out of his car. I honestly thought I'd had it.

The psycho man then said to me I could either stand there are be a target practice for them for walk away and leave the car and my bag in it.

I chose to walk away and lost everything.

Very long story short, we're now back home and he hasn't even apologised, is just acting all smiles as if everyone had a great time.

I could have been killed and he doesn't give a shit, just says they were probably just trying to scare me.

"You are in a foreign country ,parents ,you should be each others back up- you cant abrigate sensible responsibility for each other,even when you argue." Agree completely. But both OP and her H failed to act responsibly as a team. And OPs action put her children at risk.

moyasmum - agree, I can't imagine any circumstances where I would leave my DH behind in a foreign city like that and the OP's DH was wrong to do it, but she was just as wrong for getting in a huff and leaving when her family were vulnerable. I am glad the OP's dc were not involved in a car jacking.

If I somehow did leave my DH stranded by himself, I would have every confidence that he was just as capable of getting back to our resort as I was of doing so with the added responsibility of sorting out the hire car while looking after the dc on a hot day in Miami. For the OP, using a coach to get back would have been much more sensible.

Easy to say what would've been more sensible with benefit of hindsight/sitting safely in your house in Blighty though..

I think OP didnt act well in the first place.But she did say she'd be back in half an hour (didnt she)?And her H drove off and left her..then when she called for help he refused it..when what any decent human being would've done is ruddy well helped her wether still annoyed re the argument or not..that plus his lack of any recognition of the fucking scary thing that happened to her makes his actions worse IMO.

Either way counselling at a minimum is needed, although from the sounds he may not be that interested

Scootini - when stranded myself in a dodgy part of Philadelphia, I checked in to the nearest big chain hotel and then took a coach to New York the following morning, avoiding all stress of navigating.

I don't believe I would ever abandon my family in a situation like that described by the OP, no matter how cross with them I was. We only have her version of events to go on, and she seems unreasonable, so I am guessing her DH's version would make her actions seem much worse.

I think your marriage is over. I suspect your dh of being foul to you on purpose so that you will be the one to end it and it will not be his "fault". Now you need to see about getting divorced as amicably as humanly possible.

I repeat: OP left her dh by the car and said "Ill be back in 30 minutes"

What on earth did she expect him to DO? WITH THE KIDS, IN A DODGY NEIGHBOURHOOD, WITH A SMASHED CAR??

She put HERSELF at risk by leaving him there, OP created the predicatment.

In fact, she created one hell of a dangerous situation by leaving her husband and kids in this manner.

Astonishing! What a total lack of insight on OPs part.

OP.. where was it you had to go so urgently for half an hour, leaving your DH and LOs to look after a car with a smashed window?

Safety in numbers and all that.

Which is prob the most sensible option Upwind, I dont doubt it..but maybe she didnt have the sense at the time to think straight if she was as angry/upset as she says she was..
Wasnt having a go, just saying..

I have walked away from DH when we have argued before to give us both time and to avoid saying somethinG regrettable in front of the kids..maybe thats what she was doing and that was all she coud think of in a heated situation, and just didnt register the danger factor in that at the time..

Where is Complicated?

Complicated, you and your DH sound like you're in a very destructive relationship.

It doesn't sound to me like there's love, respect or any mutual ground between you.

I think you either need mediation and counselling or make a split.

Was it actually you who were planning a trip this automn to Florida with new partner, your kids, and his kids, but was insisting you only did the things YOU and YOUR kids wanted to do because you had been before and didnt fancy Disney World etc, and as you were paying you were "in charge"?

Or was that somebody else?

"Was it actually you who were planning a trip this automn to Florida with new partner, your kids, and his kids, but was insisting you only did the things YOU and YOUR kids wanted to do because you had been before and didnt fancy Disney World etc, and as you were paying you were "in charge"?

I thought that too Quint!

Where is the OP?

Thanks for the replies although I see this has kind of turned around on me now.

I have to point out that I did not leave them in a dodgy area. The car had been smashed up whilst parked near South Beach which is a huge tourist spot and supposedly one of the safest in Miami.

I walked away because DH was shouting (very loudly) about crime, gangs, guns etc right in front of a group of men that looked like gang members and the more he shouted, the more interested they seemed to be getting in what he was saying. Also, he had become so angry, I thought he was going to hit me.

I told him to phone the hire car company whilst I went for some air away from him. Maybe this was a bad idea, looking back it probably was but it was a bloody terrible day and I wasn't exactly thinking straight.

When I got back, he'd gone. He KNEW I had no money on me so how he expected me to get out of Miami I don't know.

And the reason I wanted to go to Miami was for a dolpin sanctury that the kids wanted to visit and I also wanted to take them to a parrot/exotic bird place. The rest of the holiday was all DH's choice.

Sorry, but this relationship is over.

My dcs would be absolutely horrified if their dad drove away and left me somewhere, and I believe yours will have been, too.

Being party to that kind of behaviour will be doing your children serious emotional damage. I know it is hard but really, why are you still together?

Be strong and take steps, complicated.

If your car was broken into and some scary men were standing there intimidating you then how dodgy does a dodgy area have to be?

It sounds extremely dodgy to me. I just don't get the walking away bit.

I've had words with my DP on holiday and dearly wished for some 'time out' but I wouldn't walk away - past dodgy men - with no money on me in a strange and violent US city!

He sounds awful, but you both created that appalling situation.

A lot of women may walk away, but if you really thought your DP was likely to be violent and putting himself in a situation where he was attracting attention from possible gang members surely you'd take the kids with you?
His actions were dreadful, but she put her children at risk.

What quint said.

TBH - i get the impression that you are both as bad as each other, that you have got so entrenched in making sure one or the other gets their own way that you've resorted to behaving like children.

I think you both need to take a long hard look at yourselves.