I am cringing at starting this thread but I need to speak other women about it. Sex.

[leavemebe]

at starting this thread but sod it, and I have changed my name.

Ok dh and I sex life atm is not good.
We have 3 children who are all quite young.
Very common scenario of dh wants it alot and I don't.
I just don't have any inclination to have sex, apart from the middle of my cycle and even then its not an overwhelming desire to jump dh and have wild sex all night.
I have heard that the feeling horny during mid cycle is quite common though.

Dh is complaining of not getting enough and that theres no spontaneousness. I really don't blame him. He's lucky if he gets it once a month but thats because I don't want it and I find if I make myself, its not enjoyable at all.

Is it like this for most couples or am I really weird or ill?
Is there anything I can do to make it better?

Anon and embarrased!

I think many many of us with young kids feel exactly the same as you. I tend to only really feel up for it mid-cycle too BUT I do make sure we have sex at least once a week as that seems like a reasonable compromise to me between DH wanting it 2 or 3 times a week and me 2 or 3 times a month. Have also made it clear to DH that I will be much more up for it if he either cooks or washes up / is nice to kids / snuggles with me on sofa beforehand rather than staying in front of the computer all night!! Apropos of nowt I also recently bought a really nice massage bar from Lush as good smells and a bit of a rub-down deffo make me more relaxed and able to access to inner minx. HTH

Loads of people feel like this. As Sparkle said, one of the first things to sort out with your DH is that he will get more sex if he is pulling his weight in the household generally (ie a man who does nothing wrt housework and childcare but asks for sex all the time is a man who has made sex into just another chore for his DW and should not be surprised when she has no enthusiasm for it).
It is also important to have a little bit of time for yourself when you do things that you like, which remind you that there is more to you than mummy/domestic appliance.
FInally, you need to avoid the cycle of him constantly asking for sex and you constantly refusing as this gets polarised very fast and is miserable for all concerned. SOmething that often helps is dividing the week into: some nights sex will only happen if you initiate it, some nights he is allowed to ask/initiate etc. This stops every bedtime turning into a battleground.

lol @ inner minx

Its very true about them doing chores, being nice etc. I find if dh just lolls about or is in bad mood then all of a sudden changes for bedtime, it doesn't help matters at all.
I do feel weird initiating it though tbh. Embarrased somewhat.
I don't know why because I never was like that.

I've also been trying to help/make him sort his appearance out too.
I find that so important but he just doesn't care what he wears or what he looks like.