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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have you ever lost it and stormed out of the house in a strop?

83 replies

Kathyis6incheshigh · 27/10/2008 17:28

????
Dh thinks it constitutes extreme, Eastenders-style behaviour. I think it is immature and a bit silly () but lots of people have done this at some time, haven't they?

OP posts:
souroldtrout · 28/10/2008 10:05

kathy, yes, it was part of a longer ongoing problem, but I still can't find it funny in any way ...

People might like to think that they are just 'removing myself from the situation' but I think what a child will likely take from it is the sense of their parent being completely out of control. That's quite alarming, surely?

Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 28/10/2008 10:08

It's old the perfect parent versus the good enough parent thing. Of course it is better if the parent is calm at all times, the relationship is perfect, no-one ever loses their temper or raises their voice (isn't it?). But for most people that's a tall order. I think encouraging people to feel guilty about falling short of 100% perfection at all times is pointless.

OP posts:
souroldtrout · 28/10/2008 10:12

That's not what I wrote, though. Showing your emotions is fine. Showing that you are not perfect is fine. Being unable to control your temper to the extent that you have to storm out of the house crosses a line, I think, that shows that you either need to get a grip or get some help. (That's a generic 'you', not aimed at you personally).

anniemac · 28/10/2008 10:19

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jlh69 · 28/10/2008 10:22

Snowleopard- Was going to ask if your DH was a lawyer. My DH also argues very analytically and nit picks everything. I just can't be bothered to argue like that. DH is a lawyer. Him and his lawyer friends all argue like that. SO annoying and not particularly clever. Much better just to have a strop. Locked myself in the bathroom once when heavily pregnant and emotional. Stupidly didn't take anything to read so ended up tidying the cupboards instead

Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 28/10/2008 10:22

Hmm, I think we just disagree about where the line is. If you were violent to anyone that would be crossing the line IMO. And of course, if you did it so often it was harming your family.
Realistically, the idea that anyone who has ever stormed out 'should get help' is not very practical - I'm not sure the NHS would pay for counselling under those circs....

What about storming into another room? Do you need help if you have done that, too?

OP posts:
BexieID · 28/10/2008 10:23

Once, and i'm sure DP hadn't even noticed i'd gone!

stealthsquiggle · 28/10/2008 10:30

We have largely managed to confine storming-out type arguments to after the DC are in bed, so far at least.

Where to go is the problem. Even a long walk would involve me remembering keys, wellies and a torch, and going to my parents would worry them more than it is worth (especially in the middle of the night). DH has scared the living daylights out of me by disappearing for hours in the middle of the night - he has never shown any sign that me storming out worries him at all (Disclaimer - this is over 15+ years. We don't do it very often)

anniemac · 28/10/2008 10:37

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anniemac · 28/10/2008 10:42

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jesuswhatnext · 28/10/2008 11:01

my dh likes to tell everyone what i packed the night i 'ran away' - 3 litres of shampoo and a leopard print nightie was so angry i couldn't think straight, forgot my handbag, so no money, knew i was being totally unreasonable over waht we arguing about so could'nt go to my friend and say how horrid dh was being to me so had to go home and say sorry

quinne · 28/10/2008 12:46

I did it once but not again if I can help it. It feels great to slam the door and walk away but 10 seconds later you are on the street and if you have been crying then people are looking at you or you bump into someone you know and they try to say hello. Nightmare. The embarrassment factor is huge to have people guessing what has happened and you've still got to go home with your tail between your legs. Definitely a way of backing yourself into a corner and not advisable.

Niecie · 28/10/2008 13:07

I have never stormed out of the house, at least not if I wasn't already going out. I think I have stormed off without saying goodbye on a couple of occasions.

I can't storm - I would spend too long finding my keys and my handbag and it would spoil the effect. I am not going to go without them or I may not be able to get back in the house and have to ring the bell. How sad would that be? And there is also the chance that DH wouldn't answer!

My favourite storm destination is the bathroom - only room with a lock, not that anybody tries to come and find me anyway. DH doesn't do confrontaton.

I am obviously a lazy stormer.

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs · 28/10/2008 13:08

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2cats2many · 28/10/2008 13:11

Loads of times.

lulabellarama · 28/10/2008 13:15

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WideWebWitch · 28/10/2008 13:22

lol at the idea that anyone who storms out to calm down and cool off (and, tbh, to let their partner know that they are VERY CROSS INDEED) needs professional help! Ha ha, yeah right.

notnowbernard · 28/10/2008 13:26

Yes, several times

OrmIrian · 28/10/2008 13:26

Have gone for a long walk before now. Not so much stormed out perhaps but at the point when I knew if I didn't I was going to explode. Have been known to lie down on my bed and bawl my eyes out. Ditto the bath.

Rarely these days. Either I'm more mature or, more likely, know it does bugger all to help.

yummybunnymummy · 28/10/2008 14:03

oh gosh...our 2dc didn't sleep (were up 4-5 times for the last 4.5 yrs) all resolved in the last 2 months )
anyway you can imagine what 2 tired parents are like and occasionally i would have a little strop...but wait for it...i would stomp upstairs (like a teenager) sit in our bedroom (Which doesn't have a telly etc as i don't think they should be in the bedroom etc) and think heck....I've nothing to do!!! apart from sorting out the washing...eck!!!!
by the time I am cursing my ineptitude at ineffective, melodramatic excessive female stropping, my dh appears with a cup of tea (for me)and asks if i am going anywhere?
bless him i do love him..
but i could never strop out the house, i wouldn't know where to go and wouldn't want to leave the children, what message does that create? my strops are more about getting some time where I can have a breather (as a SAHM) get some perspective and realize that my life is wonderful and that I have a generally very happy, loving family...

ElviraInanEcup · 28/10/2008 14:03

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ElviraInanEcup · 28/10/2008 14:05

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yummybunnymummy · 28/10/2008 14:07

wait for it...forgot to mention that my lovely dh has pinned down a serious deadpan face whilst patting my knee asking if its that time of the month..there there....
...absolutely hilarious! that and a cup of tea and the world is rosy again!

sparkybabe · 28/10/2008 14:22

Stayed in waiting in bedroom for DP to get backfrom holiday Ireland (I was about 20)- he got in, kissed me, gave me a banana (?) and went downstairs to say hello to the other flatmates, who included his Xgirlfriend. Stayed down there talking to XGF for ages, while I'm upstairs throwing banana against the wall. I stormed out and walked the streets, came to my senses sitting on a bench in the dark staring at an East-End block of flats.
Went home and he'd been out ages looking for me. Split up shortly after.

Yummybunnymummy - the 'time of the month' question???? It's never a good time to ask that. It's guaranteed to make me boil over instantly, whatever mood I start out in.

yummybunnymummy · 28/10/2008 14:29

the time of the month question is a bit of a joke between us and tends break the ice and we have a cup of tea and chat etc...

the joke comes from my dad...who one day in genuine concern for my mum (who was being a tad emotional) had taken all of us girls to one side (i'm one of 3 sisters) and told us that mum was entering an autumnal stage in her life and that we needed to all be more supportive...needless to say my mum heard my dad's eloquent description and got a bit more emotional!

my dads face goes funny when any one mentions autumn!!!