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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH ditched sex with me after dd born...now I'm having affair...debate!

87 replies

Purplesplash · 17/10/2008 22:14

I got fed up with begging...there's only so much begging a girl can do. I'm 40 and still look good and feel sexy. It's been a year now, so recently I hooked up with an old friend and we've been meeting up every month for fantastic sex. This is the only thing that is keeping me alive. I like DH but can't live without sex. Don't want to divorce. I have warned him a hundred times if he didn't have sex with me I would probably have an affair. Now it's happening. This is my 1st post on here and you all seem pretty judgemental, so I'm interested in your take on my situation (sometimes it's pretty weird for me too, but life is too short)

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 17/10/2008 22:51

i do my best lolol

No5 · 17/10/2008 22:51

obviously it all about money.
can someone tell me what are we debating?
suport thread for who?

zippitippitoes · 17/10/2008 22:53

i saw a headline today that said interest might go down to 1%

Original poster
Purplesplash · 17/10/2008 22:53

monkeyblue you got it in one...affair just making me feel how dh should, but like I said, i've spent 12 years trying to get him interested. You have to know when to give up for your own self-worth

OP posts:
PuzzleRocks · 17/10/2008 22:54

He's not going down at all though.

scaryfucker · 17/10/2008 22:54

thats gonna fuck my pension right up

ButtonMeUp · 17/10/2008 22:55

ah you just a fecking money grabbing whore bitch woman who needs to leave because if you have nothing but a fondness for him he is probably picking up on that and if he wanted a prostitute he could probably find many better than you?

codtrolfreaky · 17/10/2008 22:55

get with the programme taxi! LINK

TaxiDriver · 17/10/2008 22:56
Blush
ButtonMeUp · 17/10/2008 22:57

is that cod? You back? Good (awen in disguise)

TaxiDriver · 17/10/2008 22:57

its not a veyr interesting link, just some woman person with no sex drive

Original poster
Purplesplash · 17/10/2008 22:57

God some of you people are fucked up. Thanks for the advice from the sane ones though.

OP posts:
TaxiDriver · 17/10/2008 22:57

ssssshhhhhhh button

scaryfucker · 17/10/2008 22:57

button, thats a bit strong !

zippitippitoes · 17/10/2008 22:58

no probs

ButtonMeUp · 17/10/2008 22:58

oh and while your 'gving' it away who is looking after dd? Hapless dog husband i guess. You make me puke.

ButtonMeUp · 17/10/2008 22:58

well, its trollish anyway and if not she is cheap.

zippitippitoes · 17/10/2008 22:59

ah awen i have a terrible sti nk in my cellar

ButtonMeUp · 17/10/2008 22:59

... ponders if will be reciving a telling off from the towers...

ButtonMeUp · 17/10/2008 22:59

zippi - you the gas lady?

zippitippitoes · 17/10/2008 23:00

send her a gas emergency man lol

ButtonMeUp · 17/10/2008 23:01

had a real live gas leak here... twas the stove but all fixed and tickety boo. Glad i inspire gaseaous (sp) memories.

solidgoldskullonastick · 17/10/2008 23:03

Actually, a partner (of either gender) who refuses sex and won't discuss it or take any steps to compromise or resolve the issue is every bit as selfish as a partner who looks for sex elswhere when the primary partner is willing.

Purple, if you like your partner and respect him as a co-parent, then there is actually no good reason why you shouldn't live together as a family and you have sexual liasons elsewhere. Really, though, the only ethical way is to discuss with your partner how to manage the fact that you have a functioning libido and he appears not to have one. He may actually be relieved that you have found another sexual outlet, if he is not interested in sex or only interested in types of sexual activity that don't include you. However it is probably better to start the discussion along the lines of 'Look, if you don't want sex with me how do you feel about me having sex with someone else if it doesn't mean changing any other aspect of our lives' rather than 'You won't have sex with me therefore I am getting it somewhere else'.

rachelp73 · 17/10/2008 23:08

Purplesplash, tis Friday night - some people come on here for entertainment......they should stick to Jonathan Ross.....

I couldn't personally live a lie for the rest of my life like you are contemplating doing. You don't love your DH to the point that he irritates you, he sees you as part of the furniture anyway , result is no sex.....

If there was actual love between the 2 of you, and a caring attitude and respect for each other, and it's just the sex that is missing, then it COULD probably work. I'm sure many marriages ARE like that. I don't think it's just the sex issue here with you, and I think you know it deep down.

Relationship counselling the only sensible solution. If that doesn't work you need to end it, money or no money. You are wasting your time, and your lives, on each other. Surely you don't want your DD growing up in a household where there is no love or respect between her parents?

codtrolfreaky · 17/10/2008 23:08

sadly not button. am not she. just my coddysupport name (someone started a thread and i forgot couldn't be arsed to change back....