do you think there are women out there that deliberately go after married men?

[wannaBe]

There is a woman in dh' office who had an affair with a married man (you might remember a thread from a while back about woman still living at home shagging married man). Anyway, the affair was discovered, the fallout was apparently big enough that it meant he had to leave the company in order to save his marriage.

But dh was recently talking about another colleague of his and about how this woman (the one that shagged the guy above) is always coming round to sit on his desk/how they're always having lunch together/how she calls him from the other side of the office etc etc. This guy is also married, and has two children. So I asked dh if this colleague of his had shagged this woman and he said "I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised."

Now, I can see how someone might get drawn into an affair with a married man (we are all human after all). But surely once you'd done it once, and been part of the inevitable fallout/hurt that it caused, surely no-one would go there again with yet another married man?

[witcheseve]

I don't believe woman deliberatley go after married men. If they do they are unbalanced.

If a married man leaves his wife for the mistress the fall out can be unbearable even for the OW. It's hard to get away from the guilt that you have contributed to the breakup of a family. He will eventually blame the OW when she fails to live up to his expectations.

If a married man doesn't leave his wife then the OW ends up feeling used. He is having his cake and eating it whilst she is in a relationship without a future, without meaning.

I suppose in some circumstances you cannot help who you fall for. As a woman gets older there is very few single men on the market.

[trumpetgirl]

I don't want to cause an uproar here because I think different people have entirely different motives for going after married men. But my Dad always says "all's fair in love and war" and I think that if you believe that someone is your "soulmate" or whatever, you have to go for it whether they're single or not. You only live once fgs.
If someone is married or in a serious relationship, surely it is their responsibility not to cheat on their partner, and should be able to resist temptation

[witcheseve]

Soulmate or not being the OW is degrading, guilt riddled and self esteem destroying, even if he does leave to be with you. Even worse if he doesn't.

[TinkerBellesMum]

I don't think every OW sees it as degrading. Some women prefer married men because they don't ask too much of them. Some OW can also have their cake!

[witcheseve]

Some OW's can also have their cake. Perhaps so in the beginning but most women will come to the point of falling in love and realising its hopeless.

[TinkerBellesMum]

Does everyone fall in love with their boyfriend/ girlfried? I don't think I can say I've been in love with all of them, probably my two main relationships. Some people like not falling in love.

[witcheseve]

Oh be careful. I was the ultimate ice maiden for years and then wham. Won't say too much but check my thoughts on below (or above).

[solidgoldskullonastick]

Lots of people believe that being 'in love' or having met 'my soulmate' justifies all kinds of crap behaviour. Including murdering the person who actually does't feeling like 'soulmate' at all and wants the devoted lover to go away. Yes, OK, sometimes you can meet a person who is in a crap relationship and want to help them escape (but sometimes some people will say that their existing relationship is crap because they want a shag off the person they have just met) - and sometimes a person can meet a person who is stuck in an awful relationship, help that person to escape and live happily ever after with them.

[witcheseve]

OMG Solidgold, murder is a bit extreme agree men out there make out that they don't have any sex with partners. In a lot of cases it's true, still they are lying to their partners, themselves and the OW as they are happy plodding on but just want sex and she/he won't give them it.

[solidgoldskullonastick]

Witcheseve, most people don;t murder their partners or ex-partners or the people they consider themselves. But some do. And a lot of peole still seem to think that being 'in love' justifies all sorts of stupid horrible behaviour. 'Love' is not an outside entity: if you like and fancy someone and they like and fancy you that's very nice, but just because one person considers him/herself In Love doewsn't mean that the object of their affections feels the same way.

[witcheseve]

But human emotions can be irrational, no matter how intelligent, old, wise you are, they can take someone over and make a person behave in very strange ways indeed.

[trumpetgirl]

I don't think you can justify crap behaviour because you're 'in love' or whatever. But if I was with someone and they wanted to split up with me because they thought they would be happier with someone else, I wouldn't begrudge them that.
I personally wouldn't go after someone in a relationship now as I would never be able to trust them if I did manage to steal them off their wife/ partner. How could I trust someone who had such flimsy morals that they are prepared to drop their wife/ partner at the drop of a hat? I would have no respect for them.

[UnquietDad]

I was just pointing out that "waaaah, there are no single men in their 30s left" actually means "waaaah, there are no single men in their 30s left who look like Richard Armitage and are as rich as Bill Gates."

[HappyWoman]

If a man is married - we all know that at some point in his past he has stood up and made vows (he may now believe he was wrong to do so).
Why cant we as a society respect that - and instead of saying 'he made the vows not the ow'.
If someone has a religious believe we dont disrepect them just because we dont believe the same. (well some people do, but generally we like to think we are more understanding).
Marriage is hard work and we should try to support that not seek to destroy it for selfish pleasure in the name of love.

Also think that in an affair the man says he is not happy to make himself seem better and the ow believes it so she wont feel guilty.

[MrsMattie]

I don't think there are many women who actively pursue married men as a hobby. If they exist, they are surely very messed up, damaged individuals?