Come tell me why you stay if DP does nothing nothing around the house and it frustrates you...

[BlingLovin]

There are always lots of threads on this and I'm interested. My instinctive response is "why are you with this person?!?! Get out". But I was thinking about it this week and I wandered whether for others it's really as important as it is to me? Or just one of those irritating things? And if it IS important, then I genuinely do want to know what makes you stay with these men (or women).

Saultanpepper: you sound like my dad. And my DP. And his Dad. [note the trend... if you're brought up a certain way...].

I don't think anyone here has been accusing all men of being the way I was referring to in the OP. And you certainly don't sound that way (my dp incidentally isn't so good at supper - any hints you could pass on? ) And frankly, I find it reassuring to see as many people as I have saying their DP isn't like this etc, it shows the truism that often you don't hear about the people with the good situations - it's not as interesting to write about!

BananaFruitBat: I am afraid I feel sad for you. But I am grateful you came on here and said what you're feeling and thinking. And I guess the good thing is that you feel you have choices and that you're making them. Lovecat mentioned something about how many women stay because they still love the man and don't want to feel like a doormat or be taken for granted, and I guess those are the ones that are in a tough situation.

I just wish that people in relationships, men and women, would respect and love each other when they live together, share a life and a family together. I listen to the way some of my friends' partners (men and women) talk to each other, and it never ceases to amaze me. DP and I argue, and irritate each other (immensely) on a regular basis , but I'd like to think that overall there's a healthy respect between us.

s&p said "hun" is that a personal attack on mn...will it get deleted?

My dh does housework in fits and starts. Today he did TONS around the house while I was wrapped up in bed with period pains.

Generally he doesn't cook from one month to the next, BUT he works, I don't...(yet -I am looking )

I wish he would do more spontaneous housework, but then he probably wishes I would start working.

I still believe that house work/childcare should be dealt with equally in the time that you are BOTH home..obviously that means that if one parner works longer hours the other partner will be home with the children alone more and may be able to do some housework at that time too...BUT the minute you are BOTH at home all childcare and chores should be joint responsibility

Message withdrawn

That's most of the reasons why my marriage failed.
It was doomed when DD1 was born. He then switched to night work
Even when he was off work, he still wouldn't get DD's up and ready. He wouldn't take them out. Then when DD2 arrived, he still had never, ever done a night feed

I've been divorced 8 years now and so much better for it!

I am single and happily so. And have reached my mid40s without ever having had to live with a partner and do the 'woman's work' stuff. But I am a domestic slob. I don't really 'see' mess. I don't give a toss about it. I don't want to do more than the bare minimum of household shitwork therefore I don't do it. It has occaisonally been suggested to me that no man will marry me unless I do more housework - the people who have said that have been even more upset when I point out that I don't want to marry a man just to have someone to do housework for!
Some men, it appears, still seem to move straight from living with mummies who wipe their arses and pick up after them to living with wifeys who do the same: men who have lived alone as adults are capable of doing as much housework as they see necessary (they have to eat. They need clean pants, and they need there to be loo roll - their flatmates aren't going to do this stuff for them). People who won't do their share of shitwork iin a shared living space deserve to have it not done for them aned to live with the consequences.

its more complicated than just being lazy.

its more to do with communication and the way in which ew view and consider work