Heartbroken, my fault but need help to get through the day.

[lostatsea]

Marriage is in a mess, not my fault, but somewhere along the line I got emotionally involved with another man. my mistake. Cut contact with him but our paths have crossed loads over last week, something I try so hard to avoid, but we spoke briefly and hearing his voice has opened a very slowly healing wound, please help, crying my heart out

do you want to be in your marriage anymore?
is the other man married?

Other man is married..I would NEVER do anything about it but can't help my feelings.
Confused about marriage. Part of me just wants to leave, but it would hurt so many people and despite our problems dh adores me

it all hurts so much

Can you not just fantasize wildly about om - live it out in your head?

You know it is not real anyway and WILL lead to heartache for so many people.

Well done for not taking it further though.

Try and work on your marriage - there are some good things there - they may just be a bit hidden at the moment.

sounds all v hard.
do you think the probs in your marriage are ones that can be solved? dh adoring you sounds good for a start...

I did that HW, think I started doing it everytime things got bad with dh, who has changed to someone I hardly know. very long story. by the time I realised how bad things were the fantasy had become a reality and when I cut contact I realised just how deep I was.
I can not completely avoid seeing him, our lives cross through work, where we live, school, social lives. I would actually move but really can't at the moment.
Problems in our marriage; i have been trying to solve them for so long, dh's adoration of me is somewhat a mixed blessing. He has mood swings, gets jealous. Even of nice old men speaking to me.

I'm on AD's and coping a little better but inside so unhappy. Have tried so hard to focus on other things in life, be positive, make life good for DC's and then it hits me like this,
what if it never goes away?

Is the om aware of the situation?

You do know that you are not living in reality with om - you will only be seeing his good points and that will then only make your dh seem worse.

Of course there are bad points about om too - can you not think about those - if not make some up and think about those instead.

I'm not sure if om is aware, allthough I suspect so. I got the feeling there was a mutual 'admiration', but to what extent I don't know.
On top of the other issues, as I became aware of this added complication, I tried so so hard to make things right between me and dh because I thought if things went back to how they were, the 'fantasy' would die a natural death.
Dh doesn't know about om, but he openly acknowledges how much effort I have put in to trying to make things work.
I believe in marriage and the vows we took but the thought of a future like this breaks my heart. Sometimes he feels like a stranger. We used to do absolutely everything together but now his overwhelming negativity takes the fun out of everything. I've tried HW, so hard.

Thank-you for your time HW, I have to go now but feel a lttle better, well not crying anymore.

You say a lot of people would be hurt if you ended the marriage and that your husband adores you. But how about you? Will you not be hurt by staying in an unhappy marriage and do you adore your husband? You need to think about what it is you want. Taking this other man out of the picture for a moment, would you feel that perhaps your marriage was over even if he wasn't on the scene? That is what you need to decide first.

That is sad - i too have worked to keep my marriage together - i do believe in it too. My h had the affair so it is a little different, but i now would not stay out of duty, and certainly not if the thought of spending my future with him filled me with dread. I just couldnt do it to myself or him if i didnt want to do it.

If it was 100% about me I think I would move on. I have a love for him but am no longer in love with him.
But it is not just about me.
We are both very close to each others families and he has two children whom I love to pieces. Everybody thinks we are doing fine, especially as dh won't talk to anyone. We have two children together.
As I seem to be the one struggling with the relationship then my decision to end it would to a certain extent make me responsible for any pain caused, however I have come to this point. Can I do that and hurt so many people that I love? I am not being a martyr but it weighs heavily on my heart.

I have just seen the op again and begin to wonder a little if this is a pure coincidence...i'm so lost.