Apparently h's 29yr old ow is more fun and happier than me! No Shit!!

[WhirlingStirling]

I am not really looking for a response. I know I will just feel better ranting for a few minutes.

We were trying (again) to see if we could make things work after his affair. He had promised (again) not to contact her but told me last night, when questioned, that he had taken her for lunch just 2 weeks ago when he was in her country. He hadn't offered this info - yet again I had to question him. So, she is more fun than me and they can go out whenever they want (guess what?? She has no dc!)

He doesn't really want to be married to me anymore but he still wants things to carry on as normal in the house, for the dc's sake. So he thinks I will still be cooking and cleaning for him

Well (as Custy so eloquently put in an earlier thread) Fuck Him and the Horse he Rode in on!!

You know - I am feeling slightly better already! Thank You

Or...
You start by sinking inot his arms
And end up with your arms in his sink

Fucking twat

oh stirling so for you
we met a while ago, when I was in Scotland, and you are lovely! You look great, you are really friendly, easy going and good fun, and your daughter is beautiful!
He doesnt deseve you at all. YOU are not to blame, and you certainly are not a failure - you have fought tooth and nail for your family to survive.
But please dont let him do this to you again - totally agree with the trial separation idea. Make him stand on his own 2 feet, set up access etc.
You are a fab person, and deserve so much better

Oh ratbunny you have brought a tear to my eyes! That is so nice. (I hope you are well and your little ds is just gorgeous)

I was quite vocal yesterday about the fact that he didn't deserve them and he was spineless for doing what he is doing.

You know, he isn't even sure he wants to be with ow - he says he wants to be single for a while!! Well, dont we all?

expat you made me smile - I think there wasn't enough good stuff in Stirling to spend on actually - I think this calls for a shopping trip to Edinburgh or Glasgow!

Stirling - you are right about living in limbo being hell, I did that for a while, but it was only when he went that I realised how bad it had been. The relief I felt sort of took me by surprise, but though I still loved him, the situation had been torture, and once he left I could being to get on with my life again, even though it wasn't the life I had ever imagined having to live.

So get yourself to Edinburgh and find a suitably gorgeous 'going away' present from him. I have a fabulous handbg that makes me smile everytime I look at it.

And my H's child 29 yr old is currently driving him mad with her childish ways....

this osudns like my sister

bin him now
do yourslef a favour

Is he in Russia btw?
Or former Soviet Bloc?

Book a locksmith (on his credit card)

Moondog - Hungary actually. He tells me all the girls look like models there. Well they wouldn't if they had had 3 dc and spent their days wiping noses and arses!

Hi anothermum, thanks for your post. How are you? Are things any better at all? Or is your h still "confused" like mine? Look after yourself!

my sister was confused 5 times

what ti meant was that eh wanted either
a) both of them
b) no one to mind him rippign the famlily apart
c) her to tell him to go then it was her fault

she now thinks it was silly to extend it so much when teh bottom line was he didnt love her ENOUGH to commit

bite the bullet;you deserve more

( i mean her h was)

whirling - glad I helped you feel a bit better

agree with cods options - this is what my xh wants too, particularly the last one of me to tell him to go then its my fault. nearly petitioned him with divorce, but I think he WANTS me to do that so he can blame the break up on me. So I wont. I take no responsibility for our family breaking up cos I have fought long and hard for it.

and, unfortunately, I agree about biting the bullet and letting go. pity I cant follow my own advice

so what will he do when she is mid 30s and losing her looks? or not so spontaneous? or if she has kids and is less fun cos she is looking after kids? ultimately I think your h wants to be young again, with no responsibility and total freedom. but this wont make him happy if he isnt happy in himself. ultimately YOU will move on and find happiness and a man who loves you as much as you deserve, and he will become a sad and lonely man with no long term happiness, and possibly living with regret of what he has thrown away. but that wont be YOUR fault.

remember - none of this is your fault. you have fought for the family. it is HIM who is breaking it up. you can hold your head high and know you gave it your best shot.

All the girls in Hungary look like models because there isn't anything to eat except borsch. Have you ever been in a Hungarian supermarket? I have - there's not much there!!

Your H sounds utterly pathetic. The only potential excuse is that if he is 45+ his frontal lobe is probably shrinking, and this is early onset dementia.

Well whirlingstirling - you have my sympathies. But you sound very strong - anger will do that to you which is a good thing!

Hungarian girls look like models because they survive on black coffee and cigarettes. The supermarkets are not that bad georgimama! They are getting better. Although I do miss UK ones.

cod - how is your sis doing?

Will she be as much fun when she is doing his washing/ironing/cleaning cooking and picking up his dirty socks from the floor? No, didn't think so!
He is a twat and you deserve better.
on a practical note, have you decided what you are going to do? Do feel for you, know it must be very hard.

ta all
sh ei sa LOT better now sh eisnt in liimbo
he has moved out
she is VERY worried abotu money but looking to get a ldoger in.

he is agonised.
she is trying to encourage himtwds his o/w as she earns a lot and in the long run it woudl save her money
is sick of pshyco analysing him

has accepted he never loved her enough and she will do better.

its peaks and troughts thoigh

is finding therapy very beneficial.
and her feamily

db is the go between - he censors any email.

Hi all - thanks for messages.

cod I feel a bit slow as your sis has already come to the conclusion that her h doesn't love her enough to commit. Sort of been staring me in the face but didn't want to acknowledge it. Keep assuming old dh will make an appearance and remember what we had. Maybe not!
p.s. Glad your sis is moving forward. Must be so helpful to have a strong family around her. Maybe her new lodger could be a fit 25 yr old - nothing wrong with a bit of eye-candy

Georgimama, buda & mumoverseas - I did go out to Hungary (shops aren't too bad in city - even a Tesco's!) mainly to make sure ow had moved out of his company flat . You are right, they do survive on coffee and cigarettes. Must have lovely breath.

I have found her on Facebook (no photo though) and guess who is one of her friends?? H's sister is there !!

But she is a bitter and twisted, vertically challenged, sun shrivelled excuse for a human being.

hi stirling, I remember your original thread. So it's come to this. Custy is right, in fact, all of the above posts hold a lot of wisdom. After all, how can you continue to hold everything together with teeth and nails while he's tearing it down with his arse? Having faught valiantly I think it's time to tell him to get out & stop being such a hypocritical twunt.

He wants a single 29 yo who looks like models (well, yeah they all do but if you don't rescue'em from Eastern Europe to our shores they gonna end up looking like their grandmothers when they hit 40. Good luck to him, he needs it.) Oh, maybe it'll help to let him know that he has children and can never shed the responsibility and there will never be singledom for him ever again. He'll pay for them, he'll pay for you, he'll pine for a family he gave up to have fun with a girl that yet needs to prove she can handle all of his past & future.

You deserve better!!

over the facebook thing

In Germany we say: Eine Kraehe hackt der anderen kein Auge aus. (One crow doesn't hack out the eye of another crow.)

Or: Birds of a feather..

What a sad and twisted sister your H has. Lovely family...

Hi Alexa - nice to hear from you. Hope you and yours are well. Aren't you due soon?

Yes, H has 2 sisters and one is a good friend of mine and the other one has never liked me (the bitter, twisted one). I knew she had visited Hungary and met ow but I thought she had thought ow was just a friend of h's. Maybe she has known all along and thought it was a fun secret - wouldn't surprise me.

Hi stirling

Sorry it has come to this - neither path is an easy one, but he is making it impossible to make a go of it - he has choosen to do this - and then rubbing salt in the wound by saying he just cant help himself - poor man.

You will be stronger

Thinking of you

Hi Happywoman, guess you were right saying men were simple souls. They lack any forward thinking when their dick is involved.

When I ask him what happens nezt, what does he want etc I still just get "I dont know".

As others have said before, they want someone else to make the decision. If I kick him out the break-up will be my fault (in his head, not mine!)

Hope all is well in your life, HW

are my xh and yours related?! my xh's family is also friends of his facebook on fa. but, even better, they have blocked me from seeing their pages, but I have a secret way in . they are all 'miss you xx' to her and h says he isnt still with her?!

I also get the 'i don't know' and 'do what you have to do' in response to any question I ask. but I REFUSE to make the decision to break up the family. I am waiting for him to admit it, and in the meantime I am building myself a new life.

its hard to let go isnt it.

Well done RB, just let him see what he is missing. That ds of yours is so gorgeous (as are you!), I cant imagine why your h doesn't want to be part of that anymore.

These men remind me of something a comedian said - "Marriage is like a self service cafe - you get exactly what you want and then you look at someone elses tray and think - I want what they have got!"

Sad losers!