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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I the only person that thinks you really need to take a look at your relationship

26 replies

VictorianSqualor · 26/09/2008 16:20

If you're always posting about your DH/W/P being an arse?

I mean, sure, we all have times where we think 'I know I'll post about it on MN' but there are some posters who seem to be constantly posting about their relationship.

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 26/09/2008 16:21

mm hmm

Charlee · 26/09/2008 16:21

Surley thats why they post on MN? To get reassurence and support when they are in a difficult realtionship?

Jennyisjustknackered · 26/09/2008 16:21

I'm not sure it's quite as simple as that really. I've posted loads of times about dh and loads of times about dd's awful sleeping habits. It would horrify me to think people we keeping score and thinking, 'Come on then, do something about it.'

BoysAreLikeDogs · 26/09/2008 16:23

specifically about your partner jenny, not children, deffo not ever.

MadameCastafiore · 26/09/2008 16:24

Haven't you done this in the past??????

Bucharest · 26/09/2008 16:25

Of course they do...but at least by talking about it on MN, they have taken the first step to admitting that to themselves..

Jennyisjustknackered · 26/09/2008 16:26

I suppose it is frustrating for those not in that situation who can't ever imagine letting themselves be treated poorly, or be in a bad situation, but on MN you are only ever getting one side of the story.

LittleBella · 26/09/2008 16:27

Perhaps posting on MN is part of the process of "taking a look" at their relationship?

Tamarto · 26/09/2008 16:32

Sometimes one side of the story is enough, there are certian things that are wrong no matter what.

I agree up to a point,but the fact that they are posting may be their way of looking at it with some guidance/advice especially if they feel like their perspective has gone.

CountessDracula · 26/09/2008 16:35

I am always amazed by the number of people who instead of talking about important things attempt to communicate via text
that is ver odd

Szyslak · 26/09/2008 16:38

if they are posting on MN about thier relatinship, then they are 'looking at thier relaionship'.

YABU.

Oh sorry did you not ask??[grin}

orangina · 26/09/2008 16:41

It's difficult though, even if you know deep down inside that you are with/married to a tosser, having to actually admit it and take action... well, you can stay in semi-denial for ages can't you.....?

Original poster

VictorianSqualor · 26/09/2008 16:45

No, MadameCastafiore, I think I've only ever posted about DP once, or possibly twice. In 14 months.

I don't mean someone who, for example, has a thread about their arse of a DH, and is trying to work through it, that's just support in hard times.

What I mean is people who 2 or 3 times a week go on AIBU and say AIBU in being annoyed DP/H did X.

CD, agree totally about the text.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 26/09/2008 16:47

YANBU

Original poster

VictorianSqualor · 26/09/2008 16:48

Oh, and Jenny, I don't mean with children either. I know of your troubles with DD's sleep habits and you're asking advice, help, someone to know something that could possibly work.

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 26/09/2008 16:48

it is very alarming when others come on and go, oh, mine does that as well [grrr] and then they end up doing a kind of 'aw, they're just all useless and abusive, aren't they eh?' [comedy eye roll]

as if it is okay as long as more than one bloke in the world is an knob

nickytwotimes · 26/09/2008 16:50

YANBU.
I am frequently surprised by some of the behavior described on MN.

Szyslak · 26/09/2008 16:51

I suppose if poeple are just repeatedly saying my Dh is an arse, rather than considering how to deal with his arsery, you ahve a point.

Some women do seem to think being a doormat and complaining about it is the default state of womehood. Unfortunately.

Cappuccino · 26/09/2008 16:53

yes Szyslak that's exactly my point

and it's very enabling behaviour imo

mou · 26/09/2008 16:57

Life is always very complicated..I have posted about my H because all of our friends are joint friends and i've really needed some advice and support , without compromising their loyalty.
Things are rarely black and white and whilst I have big problems I have to take the decision of what to do about my marriage very seriously, it was a lifetime commitment and I never thought I would be in this position.
And sometimes because they are strangers, people on MN have asked me questions that I didn't have the balls to ask myself, and once children are involved you can not simply walk away from a bad relationship, that person will be a part of your life for a long time to come. It would be so much easier if we simply stopped caring for someone if they cross the line, but that is the thing about love..

Cappuccino · 26/09/2008 16:59

yes actually mou does have a point

we are always all there with our pitchforks very quickly

there is one mner's marriage I can think of which is by no means perfect but I can completely sympathise and respect her reasons for staying in it. In fact I prob would do the same. And I think that working towards a conclusion can often be done better with the help of an outside eye

not all situations are the same, it's true. But there are others... god you want to knock them round the head

expatinscotland · 26/09/2008 17:01

serial cheaters who leave their wives and then come back over and over.

abusers.

addicts who don't give a toss about the consequences the addictions have on their families.

partners who are never home or when they are are hungover, drunk, on drugs or worse.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 26/09/2008 17:07

oops. i assume you refer to me amoung others? in my defence yes was a complete utter twat towards me under my last posting name for quite some time. his nephew was being treated for cancer and he was worried. he cannot deal properly with emotions and was taking it all out on me. nephew got better and dh got better.

nephew has been diagnosed again and this time the prognosis is not good at all he is only 9 the whole family are absolutley devastated but dh seems to be taking it really badly. add to that the fact that he wants us in his before its gets cold as mine has no heating but the builder has health problems and all the money we were finishing the house with is tied up in shares sois pretty much worthless now and his bad side is coming out again. i need to vent on here or i will kill him.

when i first met him he was perfect now i know he will never be that man again, but worry free he is not bad. far from perfect but he is not nasty or agressive and is a good father who works hard to support us and likes to see have the best that he can feasibly provide. he also supports me in whatever whim i happen to have

the argument about teatime and dancing is ongoing. we have the same fight ever since dd started dancing. it just got too mcuh on top of everything else last night.

Dior · 26/09/2008 17:15

Message withdrawn

MrPinkerton · 26/09/2008 17:26

I don't get your point at all VS.

Why shouldn't someone post a lot about their relationship? Anyone who finds it boring/ irritating needn't look.

I think someone can be looking at their relationship AND posting.

People with drunks, lousy dads, unfaithful bastards, bullies - come on in! I say

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