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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

anyone still around? please please help..REALLY LONG SORRY

91 replies

hollyandnoah · 06/09/2008 23:11

I dont want to come on and moan here but i am on my own and my sister isn't answering her phone.
My dp just came in off the 10.07pm bus, he has been out sinse 1.45pm bus, he went out to watch the football. none of this i have a problem with btw.
He was with a friend who only reciently (sunday passed) spit up with his partner. They were our friends. Have been together for 6 years and i was friends with the girl for a lot longer.
ANYWAY he called me at about 9 saying he was catching the bus, would i like anythinig brought in to eat. I said just some aero bubbles(lol) and we need dogfood.
Sooo he came in steaming drunk, and lay on the sofa and fell asleep (within ten minutes). I said ' why dont you go to bed and sleep' He started shouting and bawling at me, saying he just had a good night why am i ruining it blablabla, i just said he should go to bed??
He covered his face with a cushion from the sofa, so i asked him to stop being ignorant, and he said to me that i was a crazy bitch just like 'name' (our friend thats partner just left her) I was like WHAT THE FECK and puled the pillow off his face and asked him what he meant by that.
I was kneeling at the side of sofa when i pulled the pillow away and he sat up and pushed me to the floor, lay on top of me and held his forarm over my neck, untill i gagged.
Then went back to the sofa, lay down and covered his head with the pillow again.
I stood up and said 'get out' and he said no, so i said well i am taking ds and going. he said fine. I went and packed a bag, came through to say he better be gone by the time i am back in the mroning, he grabbed my hair and threw me to the floor again. My face is all red and my nose is bleeding, my head is banging from the hair pulling and cracking on the wooden floor.
I kicked him, where it hurts for a man, i know i shouldnt have, but i was on my back on the floor and he was over me, it was the first reaction i had. He walked out the house. but he has left his bank card, mobile, wallet, keys all here on my unit.
I also havent heard the security door buzzer going off/ but hes been out about 30 mins. he was really drunk, like slurring his words drunk.

Our ds is 8 months old. he has left before and we are only just getting back on track. He lives 30 miles away but was planning on moving in here again - he moved out when we split up before.

OP posts:
Yurtgirl · 06/09/2008 23:30

Hollyandnoah - thats an awful thing to happen

I hope you can get a friend to be with you, deffo call the police and chuck him out of your life for good

policywonk · 06/09/2008 23:31

Agree with everyone else - police. Never ever let him back into your life (except, perhaps, to have supervised contact visits with your son, if you feel that that's the best thing).

But can I just say how FAB it is to read that you fought back and told him where to stick it. Bloody well done.

IWishIWasMaryPoppins · 06/09/2008 23:34

You need to call the police immediately!

You do not want to wait until he wakes up - still drunk, confused and furious - you and your baby will be trapped!! Believe me - DO NOT wait to see if he calms down - you may not be able to summons help in time!

AvenaLife · 06/09/2008 23:34

Oh sweetie. I know that you must be so frightened now. It's a horrible thing to happen and I can't imagine what's going on in your head now but you really do need to get some help, not just for you and your little one but for your partner aswell. Being drunk isn't an excuse for this, he needs to know that it's not OK for him to behave this way because it really isn't. I'm hoping that you have called the Police because they need to sort him out. If you have not done this then you really need to. I know that you are probably thinking it's a one off and he didn't mean it but this is how it starts. Do it for you and your little one because you don't deserve to be treated like this.

QuintessentialShadow · 06/09/2008 23:38

Yes, what if he wakes up really pissed off and comes for you again?

I have lost count of the many nights my neighbours boyfriend would come and kick in her door, and go in and beat her senseless, sometimes the ambulance had to come for her, and the police just had to take her kids with them.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2008 23:40

DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN.

hollyandnoah · 06/09/2008 23:41

he started banging the door just there and asking fir his wallet/phone. so i opened to give him and he barged into me, and kept saying 'whatever' and 'it's fine' whatever i said. he came right into my face and i hit him in the face again..he started crying and his nose was bleeding. he just kept saying its fine, whatever, and then left.. he is away up the street.
I hit him back though, and i made his nose bleed.. can i not get charged for that?

OP posts:
Heated · 06/09/2008 23:41

Calling the police gets it documented and tells him a) what he's done is serious b) that you are serious.

QuintessentialShadow · 06/09/2008 23:41

You defended yourself. You should call the police.

AvenaLife · 06/09/2008 23:41

Self defence, you were in danger CALL THE POLICE!!!!!!!

MrsSnorty · 06/09/2008 23:44

Please call the police - we are all worried about you being in this situation on your own. Just tell them what you've told us.

hollyandnoah · 06/09/2008 23:48

they are coming down. I called them and told them what has happened. thank you all sooo much

OP posts:
AvenaLife · 06/09/2008 23:50

It'll be OK. Let them help you.

MrsSnorty · 06/09/2008 23:50

Good - well done.

QuintessentialShadow · 06/09/2008 23:50

Thank goodness you called them. Well done.

IWishIWasMaryPoppins · 06/09/2008 23:51

please please call the police - he will come back for sure!

If you don't you are willingly putting your child in danger - there is a new law which means you can be charged for not preventing an abusive partner from harming your child. If he can hurt you without flinching then he can hurt your baby (don't kid yourself about that - he will if not tonight, then when he gets used to it he will).

Think of him as a toddler throwing a tantrum once he learns that he can get his own way by behaving like that he will continue whether you fight back or not - in fact he may like that he can 'spar' with you!

CALL 999

expatinscotland · 06/09/2008 23:51

no, you won't get charged for it. let them know he came back for his stuff and then tried to force his way in again.

holly, you cannot ever have a healthy relationship with someone who assaults you physically.

well done for phoning the police!

hollyandnoah · 06/09/2008 23:51

why wont my bloody sister answer her phone. ahh she is never asleep at this time.

OP posts:
IWishIWasMaryPoppins · 06/09/2008 23:52

Oh dear I write too slowly!

Well done for calling them.

HUGE HUGS!!
xx

AvenaLife · 06/09/2008 23:54

You have phoned the police aswell yes? Can you phone your mum?

hollyandnoah · 06/09/2008 23:55

yes i am waiting on someone coming from the police, what is womans aid? Someone linked it earlier on. what's it for? I can call my mum, but i really dont want to worry her,

OP posts:
MrsSnorty · 06/09/2008 23:57

Woman's aid helpline is 24 hour and free - 0800 2000 247
Hope the police get to you soon. You have done the right thing. Have to sign off now but will be thinking of you.

AvenaLife · 06/09/2008 23:57

It's a shelter. Call your mum, it's not worrying her, she'll be so upset when she finds out what happens if you don't call her. She'll want to be there to make sure you and your little one are alright. You are still her child, no matter how old you are.

AvenaLife · 06/09/2008 23:58

Sorry, not just a shelter, a domestic violence advice/support/contact line. Call your mum.

MrsSnorty · 07/09/2008 00:01

Woman's aid are for women suffering domestic violence. They are fab at listening and giving good advice.