How would this make you feel?

[ThomCat]

I might be being a tad over-sensitive so would be interested to know how you'd feel.

D told me last night that friends of his, that I know are getting married. Great news. He found out by email as they are now living in Australia, where she's from (he's British, they met here).

Olivia Newton John was on TV at the time which is what reminded D to tell me. He said the wife to be looks like ONW. I said she looks more like Natalie Umbrglia, (v pretty). D said 'Not a bad combination', I agreed. No problem so far.

Then he said 'Yeah I said to S, I wouldn't let someone like that go either'.

I didn't like that.

MAINLY because we're not married like the sensitive old bag I am, it felt like he was saying 'Anyone that lovely should be snapped up and married, and you're not quite lovely enough to warrant a marriage'!

Now I know that is me being sensitive, and I know what he was saying to his mate, and I know he's not saying your an old moose and you're not good enough to marry etc etc, I know all that.

BUT, I am still smarting a bit.
Something in that comment didn't sit well with me.

He said it last night and it's still nigglying away at me.

He knows it didn't sit well because my face is an open book, that and I left the room 2 minutes later saying 'think I'll leave you to clear up'.

Would that comment, if you weren't married, niggle at you a bit or shall I stop being so Goddamn sensitive and get over myself!?

If it would niggle you a bit, what would you say a day later, or wouldn't you?

Cheers, TC x

I take it you're not married??

I think it would niggle a lot with me too - so much so that I'm not sure that I'd have been able to stop myself stating the obvious 'so I'm not snapping up material then' question!

On the other hand I'm sure it wasn't said meaning to upset you - we're all capable of saying some crass things at times

No I'm not married.
I know he didn't mean to upset me, but I think he has.

Dare I say I think you ARE being a bit sensitive

I can't see anything wrong with what he said really, honestly!

Poor man is probably really confused if you're being a bit off?

You;ve got nothing to worry about - you're a fab family

It would niggle at me if I wanted to get married and he was reluctant. Have you discussed marriage? Is there a disrepancy in how you feel about it? It does sound like lads talk a bit and at least he told you what he said.

And having seen your photo, you look miles better than ONJ and NI anyway (but I know that's not the point)

No, that's so cool Jools, I'd MUCH rather you tell me if you think I'm being sensitive. If I didn't want to know I wouldn't ask. Thanks.
If more people think i'm being silly than not I'll get over myself, so that's good.

Do you want to be married? - could you ask him? - say the same thing back to him...that you wouldn't let someone like him go either...

Bless thank you Tinker.
We have sort of discussed it, I never really wanted to and he did, then we both changed our minds a bi, now I might want to a bit and I don't think he does want to anymore.

So that's why I'm being so sensitive about it I guess.

I think I'd be as sensitive about it too TC but probably in his eyes, he has "snapped you up" - since you're living together and have a child together? It's just that his mate is the marrying kind but you guys for whatever reason, aren't? But the principle, to a bloke, is the same - he isn't letting you go, so he wouldn't see what he'd said wrong.

ohhhh, don't know about that milward. Nice idea, and like your style, but.......

It would niggle me too, TC

Can you tell him how it felt to hear that? You always sound like you have a pretty good relationship - maybe it doesn't occur to him you might just be interested in the hypothetical possibility of getting married one day!

Yes, get your point Turquoise, thank you.
Think I'm going to be letting this one go by the looks of it.

there you are you see - he wanted to get married, you didn't but he still didn't let you go

honestly, its not worth falling out over, life's too short to quarrel over a throw away comment.

I think he probably spoke to you in the same way as he would speak to a close male mate. Not realising the implication of what he said.

I don't agree with Jools - I wouldn;t like it at all. We rarely feel as secure inside a relationship as we look from the outside.

Yes you come across as a wonderful family but that's no comfort when you are feeling less fanciable than the soon to be married friend

It would niggle me too (I must be over-sensitive too). You sound like a bloody good partnership and, with Lottie, perfect little family - so I think it's time to talk about this again.

He's a man, he probably has no idea how you feel. Well, you don't exactly know how you feel so he doesn't stand too much of a chance, I guess

Ahhh, good some mumsnetters that feel another way, great .

LOL at the back, sac and crack waxing comment.

girls - he said 'Yeah I said to S, I wouldn't let someone like that go either'.

Thomcat put her own interpretation on what he meant by that - to me, he's saying his mate is a lucky guy but that doesn't mean he's not lucky too - he has NO intention of letting Thomcat go either!

I totally agree he was chatting to me mate to mate. Seconds before we were both saying how pretty she was and there was no probems. He didn't realise what he'd said at th etime no.

Bought me back to earth again then jools, thanks, xx

Well, jools, you are very old. You probably have the wisdom of Methuselah.

no parachute needed this time !

Yes, but Jools, the context was the mate is marrying his girl!

moo

Jan - I call that over analysis!