How would this make you feel?

[ThomCat]

I might be being a tad over-sensitive so would be interested to know how you'd feel.

D told me last night that friends of his, that I know are getting married. Great news. He found out by email as they are now living in Australia, where she's from (he's British, they met here).

Olivia Newton John was on TV at the time which is what reminded D to tell me. He said the wife to be looks like ONW. I said she looks more like Natalie Umbrglia, (v pretty). D said 'Not a bad combination', I agreed. No problem so far.

Then he said 'Yeah I said to S, I wouldn't let someone like that go either'.

I didn't like that.

MAINLY because we're not married like the sensitive old bag I am, it felt like he was saying 'Anyone that lovely should be snapped up and married, and you're not quite lovely enough to warrant a marriage'!

Now I know that is me being sensitive, and I know what he was saying to his mate, and I know he's not saying your an old moose and you're not good enough to marry etc etc, I know all that.

BUT, I am still smarting a bit.
Something in that comment didn't sit well with me.

He said it last night and it's still nigglying away at me.

He knows it didn't sit well because my face is an open book, that and I left the room 2 minutes later saying 'think I'll leave you to clear up'.

Would that comment, if you weren't married, niggle at you a bit or shall I stop being so Goddamn sensitive and get over myself!?

If it would niggle you a bit, what would you say a day later, or wouldn't you?

Cheers, TC x

Thanks jools, am going with you on this one I think.

i know I am a sensitive, soppy old cow sometimes and was right to get it off my chest here and not build it up into something it's not.

we've all been there

Jools may have a point though - she says backtracking at high speed.

In his mind he may consider himself as committed to you as it is possible to be so he may not have thought of the difference in how his friend was declaring his committment.

Whatever the right answer is resides only in his head though

It strikes me that you to need to do some talking some time soon - pity this didn;t come up before NY

Not sure I want it though. Couldn't cope with the big day fuss. Would like to be Mrs someone I suppose, and would like to have the same surname as my kids but don't want the wedding tbh.

A nice holiday in the sun could cure that problem

Or maybe Vegas for your next trip sans Lottie

TC, we got married on a Friday in the Register Office with about 6 friends there and went to the pub for sandwiches afterwards - next night we had a Doctors and Nurses fancy dress party - we didn't have kids then but were not much younger than you I bet! Doesn't have to be a big deal - you can sneak off and do it for yourselves

Yeah maybe, maybe. We'll see. Anyway, feel much better, and less silly so am going to finish my wine on the sofa, night and thanks girls. TC x

Night night - go and give him a good reason not to let you go

Thought for a sec you were spending the night on the sofa

I like soapbox's idea...!

We didn't have a big fuss. Dh didn't even tell them at work - left Friday night, married Saturday morning, back in work Monday. We had parents, and siblings and their partners, got married in a register office, had a party at my Mum and Dad's. Very low key. Oh ds1 was there too - I was still breast-feeding!

moo same here only dd was still in utero

Haven't read any replies, but i think he assumes you are a married couple by the very fact you live together and have a child, so it wouldn't have even crossed his mind that something like that would upset you. He v obviously adores you and lottie, and i reckon he would be mortified if he knew just how much this has bothered you. Maybe it's time to talk again about the marriage thing? Sounds like your feeling towards to may have changed, and you both need to discuss it. Definitely don't think this is something for you to be falling out over though

I agree that he felt OK saying this because he considers he has you for keeps, regardless of whether you are married.
But you saying "now I might want to a bit and I don't think he does want to anymore" is the real problem. Face it - you don't really care about his comment, but deep down you do care about not being married to him, because you have this niggly feeling that until you are then it's not for keeps.
So get married. Lottie would make a lovely bridesmaid, and you could do it without making a huge fuss. And you already know what wonderful wedding planners we are on Mumsnet

think you're right there Prufrock tbh, oh damn and blast. It turned from being a bit cross and upset with him to you all getting it out of me that I just want to be married!!!!!!! LOL

YEAH - another Mumsnet wedding!!!!!! Go on ask Mr. Thomcat (to be) to marry you!!!!

Pupuce makes a good point there.

go on tc do it!

Haven't had time to read this, but fact is your dp hasn't let you go either. You live together, have a child together etc. How much more committed can you be?

He touched a nerve with what he said because you want to be married and you're not sure how to broach it with him after saying you didn't in past conversations with him. So propose to him! And Lottie will be an adorable bridesmaid!

Go on, propose to him! Go on, go on, go on (in manner of Mrs Doyle from Father Ted)!!

Go on, TC, you know you want to!!!!

Oi you lot i'm not proposing to him, and if we do get married it'll be really low key and not for a while yet.

whispers

Go on

What, me? Didn't say anything about proposing, surely? But now you mention it, Thomcat, I think you should!

(Do it low-key and stylish - it'll be fun!)

Well TC you have given yourself away in your opening post - deep down you crave the whole wedding shebang, dontcha?

No, no, can't do the big white wedding, it's just not me. Money could be spent on much better things for a start.