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Original poster

Anything your parents have let slip now you are an adult that you were oblivious to as a child?

316 replies

twentypence · 06/09/2008 10:39

My dad said on the phone "oh, there's that mountain we climbed on the telly. You remember when I took you and your brother away for a holiday and mum stayed at home."

I didn't catch all of what mum said - but it was something to the effect that she wasn't best pleased to be reminded of the time they split up.

I had no idea - I just thought dad got more leave.

OP posts:
ContainsMildPeril · 24/02/2009 22:49

PRSB -

chubbasmum · 24/02/2009 23:22

my sweet old granmother who has sadly passed i found out when i was in my early thirties that as sweet as she was she stole her sister`s husband my mum let the cat out of the bag after my dad pissed her off, it never clicked that i had 2 uncles who were the same age and yet they were not twins

MrsLemon · 24/02/2009 23:47

Intheliffey

Yep I do recall auntie Jean and staying with her lots but I thought she was my auntie and I thought I stayed there the odd night here and there. I didn not realise she was my fostermum and I spent the bulk of my 1st 4years there!!

Was a bit of a shocker really. Not helped by the pregnancy hormones and my own fears abotu coping with DH about to go away for 6 months!

Twims · 25/02/2009 00:31

Some of these are really sad

cashmeremafia · 25/02/2009 03:23

PRSB: how to be thinking you had to go if you didn't perform to grow a pip.

Really, some of these secrets and the way they were passed on makes one rather sad. It's amazing what goes on in normal, respectable families. I find it really amazing though how long some of the stories have survived, normally there's a cut-off after about 3 generations.

intheLiffey · 25/02/2009 09:06

MrsLemon, wow. thanks for answering that. After so long, what you believe the facts to have been really plays a large part on 'memory'. So it seems! Interesting isn't it ?

Flower3545 · 25/02/2009 09:22

Not from my parents who are both dead, but from other relatives, aunts, sisters of my dad.

I learnt that my dad married mum because she told him she was pregnant, I'm the eldest and was born almost 2 years after they married. My mum told one of my aunts that she had felt cheated because she had assumed dad had money

They lived in with my nanna so it would have been difficult to hide a miscarriage IYSWIM

I also learnt quite recently that my grandfather had died while working away from home and my nanna had gone to see him knowing he was ill but not that he'd died.

My dad who was then 12 years old was given the task, as he was the only boy in the family, of walking 10 miles to let his grandfather know his son had died.
Nanna then had to take in washing to keep herself and her 7 children and my dad and one of his sisters used to collect and deliver back the washing.
At about the same time my dad won a scholarship for gifted children but couldnt accept it for financial reasons. He began work in the shipyards aged 14 and died aged 47.

He had such a hard life

Frasersmum123 · 25/02/2009 12:31

My Grandads brother went to prison for Bigamy. This was along time before I was born, and I think they were estranged, but my Dad told me one day they were wathing the news and there was my Grandad's brother on telly. My Grandad never spoke about it.

My dad tried to kill himself when I was younger by trying to crash into a tree, luckily he wasnt hurt. I love my dad so much that it makes me feel so sad when I think about what might have happened.

The TV repair man didnt take our telly, Bailiffs did!

My cat Charlie didnt run away, she crawled into my dads engine and he ran her over.

queenie34 · 25/02/2009 14:15

when i was few weeks old my mum gave me to my grandparents and they brought me up but when i got to a teenager my mum decided thet she would tell me that my granddad uesed to beat and rape her as a child ..
i have never asked my grandparents if this is true as i dont want to belive it or bring up the past . me and my mum have never had a relationship and i had the best childhood anyone could ask for ..

Twims · 25/02/2009 15:50

Poor you Queenie Makes you wonder why she gave you to people she believes did that to her - although thankfully you had a wonderful upbringing.

CrackerNut · 25/02/2009 15:58

When I was about 16 my dad decided to tell me that when I was around 9, a man rang my mum at home saying that he had kidnapped me and was going to do xyz to me.

Apparently my mum and dad rang the police, and school to check if I was there (I was).
The neighbour was then sent to collect me from school whilst my mum and dad spoke to police.

I was then later questioned by police.

The only bit of it I remember is going for a walk in the park with this family friend who was a police offer. Apparently she questioned me in a roundabout way during the walk, but I don't remember what she asked me.

The person who made the call was later arrested and it was discovered that all of his victims had girls with the same first name as mine and he'd got our names from some cinema kids club or something.

I have no idea why my dad decided to tell me, but to this day my mum doesn't know that I know.

Frasersmum123 · 25/02/2009 16:58

Gosh CrackerNut, how scary!

CrackerNut · 25/02/2009 17:27

I did wish he hadn't told me tbh, although am not bothered by it now.

TheThoughtPolice · 25/02/2009 17:55

On the morning of my grandfathers funeral my Mum told me that it was seriously doubted by my lovely Nanna that he wasn't her Dad. A whole can of worms were opened that day....

My Mum is the youngest of 4 (G, G, B, G). It turns out that the eldest child, my aunt was not fathered by my grandfather. Apparently my nanna was in love and engaged to a man who went to war (ww2) when she was pregnant, the man was killed in action . My aunt was born and my Nanna married by Grandfather when she was around 2 or 3 because she was ashamed (even though lots of women had a similar experience of being forced into single parenthood by ww2, but she was also pregnant outside of marriage). My GF took my Nanna and her DD on as his own. TBH, I don't think she ever loved him properly, not the way she should have done. I think she settled.

All through my childhood my grandparents seemed unhappy with each other. They slept in separate rooms for 25yrs until they had to move to 1 bed sheltered housing. My Nanna seemed resentful of him (although she was very loving to her children and GC's), my GF was never a very warm person to say the least. Very stiff upper lip.

Anyway, they went on to have 2 more children, a boy and a girl and apparently my Nanna had a liason with another man and shortly afterwards found out that she was pg with my Mum. It was all covered up and brushed under the carpet.

I remember being a child (about 8 or 10) and asking my Nanna why she and my GF never divorced if they weren't happy together (my parents split when I was 6). Her reply was that she felt 'too old to go through all that' and also that she felt it was a waste of time. She was in her early 60's .

Nontoxic · 25/02/2009 18:10

Flower3545, what a sad story about your dad.

It's bafflng, isn't it, how some people have such hard lives.

So unjust.

I really feel for you and him.

Flower3545 · 25/02/2009 18:19

Thanks Nontoxic, in a strange way, although he died when I was 19, its given me a new understanding of him.

He was always a strict father and hated with a passion any form of lies, even white ones.

My aunt also told me that before he met my mother he had fallen "hook line and sinker" for a local girl. Her parents and her were about to set sail to emigrate to New Zealand and my dad moved heaven and earth to find work on a ship so that he could follow her.

He passed every test they gave him except the medical, he was told he had varicose veins and flat feet so was refused a working passage

I miss him still

midlandsmumof4 · 26/02/2009 01:28

By todays standards this is really silly. My mum & dad had to get married when my mum was 5 months pregnant with my oldest sister-who is now 65. I'm a LOT younger btw & didn't realise this until we celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and I did a quick calculation . Dad was always very strict about us girls having BF's-now Iknow why .

Twims · 27/02/2009 13:23

Your dad sounds lovely Flowers

Rhubarb · 27/02/2009 13:28

When my mum left my dad she had always painted him to be a selfish bastard who got the family into debt, was violent and refused to work at the marriage.

Now I know that my dad was banned from working overtime to clear the debts because she deemed this 'family time'. She would invite all her family round at Christmas and they'd all ignore him. She was the one who yelled and screamed, threw plates around and hit us, not him. And she told lies to the Catholic Church to secure her annulment - they never approached him for his views.

I also thought my grandad was just a grumpy old lovable type. I now know that he was forced out of his house with a garden by my his wife and my mum and into a flat on the 5th floor. He used to live for his garden but had that taken away from him. At family gatherings they would ignore him and it was only my dad who used to talk to him.

So in short, the monster in our lives was never my dad, but my mum.

flibertygibet · 27/02/2009 13:52

I found out at 18 that I had a half brother. My parents are still together now, after 60 years!

When my mum was in labour with me, she phoned my grandma (my dad's mum) and asked if she would take her to the hospital. My mum had 4 other children at home, my dad was off in another country with his other woman (we think!) and my grandmother said 'no, i've already got into bed!'....eventually my grandfather came and got her and dropped her off a the hospital where she gave birth to me - alone. My dad didn't come for 2 more days.

I loved my grandma and only found this out many years after she died. She was a sweet little old lady but now I feel quite angry towards her.

Twims · 27/02/2009 16:48

at I've just got into bed!!

fuzzypeach · 06/04/2009 22:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Deeeja · 07/04/2009 00:23

When I was around 8 or 9, me and my younger brother found some old photos in the attic. We looked at them, and there were photos of everyone except for me. Then my mother got out some photos which had all my siblings in, and another little girl, and called her by my name. I was shocked and repeatedly said that it was not me, didn't look like me, and how could I be so much bigger than my younger brother, who is one year younger than me. After a few more photos, and my parents looking panicked, the photos disappeared and were never seen again. I looked everywhere for them.
It turns out they had a daughter who died, and then they adopted me a few years later. I found out last year, through my younger sister when my mother confided in her.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 07/04/2009 00:25

candy the poodle didnt die in her sleep while we were on holiday.... she was put down

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 07/04/2009 00:27

bloody hell deeja. how awful. has it been openly spoken about between you now? you poor thing.